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SkyMall Monday: Nuddle Blanket
We can tolerate a lot here at Skymall Monday. We have a soft spot for Wine Glass Holder Necklaces, adult bibs for sloppily eating in the car and, of course, the Edge Brownie Pan. Sometimes, though, products just rub us the wrong way. Sure, we can usually feign enjoyment for the sake of a joke, but not this week. Frankly, we're at our wits' end. Enough with novelty blankets already! The Snuggie stopped being funny years ago. The Slanket was equally terrible. Forever Lazy is an insult to the human race. Why are people so desperate for bizarre, unflattering, poorly named mutant blankets? This crap needs to stop right here, right now. No one should be wearing these things to a ball game (or anywhere outside of their homes, for that matter). No one should be wearing these things period. If you own one, throw it out. If you don't, stop thinking about it. And if you're looking at SkyMall, don't even consider buying the Nuddle Blanket.Did you know that the Nuddle Blanket doesn't have sleeves because sleeves would just get in your way? You know what else doesn't have any annoying sleeves? A regular blanket! The Nuddle Blanket also has a pocket for keeping your remote control handy. You can't just place your remote next to you on the couch. That's would be ridiculous.
Don't feel as angry about this as I do? Watch this sycophant drone on about the Nuddle Blanket like it just cured cancer:
The name tells it all? Really? Nuddle means to "walk quickly with the head bent forward." That's a thing? That requires a word? Oh, wait, apparently Nuddle is a combination of nap and cuddle. Well, now I'm nangry (nauseous and angry). I have never felt so enveloped in stupidity.
The product description isn't doing it any favors either:
Cuddle up with the Nuddle Blanket. It has an exclusive foot pocket to keep your feet warm all year round.
Openings for your arms let you sip, read, write or text without bothersome sleeves getting in the way.
Perhaps the foot pocket is exclusive because everyone else realized that it's a moronic idea. Also, sleeves are bothersome? Not when they're on shirts. Sleeves are only in your way when they're attached to blankets. And blanket with arm holes is just a torn blanket.
Enough with the novelty blankets. Sleeves, no sleeves, arm holes, pockets, whatever, we don't care. Just stop. What happened to us? We use to build fires to keep warm. We were survivors. We were a proud people.
Say no to the Nuddle. Reject the Snuggie. Continue to be oblivious to the Slanket. Don't be Forever Lazy. Resist the urge to be a fleece Spider-Man. Put on a pair of socks if your feet are so cold. But not those toe socks. Man, those things piss me off.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.
Filed under: Video, Skymall Monday
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Maryann Dec 5th 2011 4:24PM
What is your problem, are you angry you did not invent these. Where do you get off telling people not to buy something that makes then happy, comfortable etc. My husband and I both have a Slanket and love them. Hey "Get a life " !
Tammy Dec 6th 2011 12:37AM
I have learned that just because you do not like something does not mean that others won't. We are all entitled to our own opinions but should tell people what they have the right to like or dislike. Sorry I don't like these things either but I know that others do.
Jan Day Dec 5th 2011 6:02PM
This is hilarious! I don't know if he meant for it to be this funny, but it sure was to me. He has a point, though. All these products are unnecessary (but harmless). And, that commercial for the Forever Lazy thing looks like an SNL sketch. Thanks for a good laugh!
Mike Barish Dec 5th 2011 6:03PM
Thanks, Jan! You're the first commenter who seems to get what we're trying to do here.
Claire Mojave Dec 5th 2011 7:06PM
Nangry nearly did me in, I'm submitting that to the next issue of the Oxford dictionary. Hysterical!
Mary Dec 5th 2011 7:24PM
Loved "Nangry"! It gave me a smile @ the end of a very busy ,Monday!
Dee Dec 5th 2011 7:19PM
What a hoot!! Thanks!
Dan Dec 5th 2011 8:01PM
So you're saying I should stop work on my novelty blanket with sewn-in bedpan? I have such a hard time navigating my blanket while I'm trying to urinate! I want bladder relief AND warm feet!
Mike Barish Dec 5th 2011 8:02PM
I'm working on a prototype of the Diapie...the diaper with sleeves!
AL Dec 5th 2011 8:43PM
I am still wiping tears from my eyes as I type this. Thank you just thank you.
Elizabeth Dec 5th 2011 9:44PM
Please!!! Write a book. I swear I'll read it one page a day. I couldn't bear to read more than one page a day because my sides would hurt too badly from the laughing. Hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard in a month. Maybe because it was so unexpected. Whatever. Thanks a bunch for the sidebending laughs.
Jennt Dec 5th 2011 10:21PM
Someone needs to make the Sack from iCarly!
Morobi Dec 6th 2011 2:44AM
A whole article dedicated to deriding a product? Why? A sentenceor two would have adequately presented your sentiments.
Stupified Dec 8th 2011 1:08AM
If you got bent out of shape by this article, or god forbid, bought this or any of the others I have a secret for you. Everyone is laughing at you, not with you.
sarahsmile Dec 20th 2011 2:30PM
Mike! You are hilarous. I adore your ramblings, ravings, and cleverly written product reviews. BUT, even more hilarious are the posters who just don't get it!
Mike Barish Dec 20th 2011 2:32PM
Thanks, SARAHSMILE!