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Galley Gossip: Why are so many male flight attendants gay?
Scary flights. International layovers. Old flight attendants. Gay flight attendants. In that order these four topics often arise whenever someone who doesn't work for an airline finds out what I do for a living. I have no problem discussing my job. In fact I love sharing interesting stories and helpful travel tips with those who are interested. While sexual preference has nothing to do with the job, the fact is a majority of male flight attendants are not straight and people want to know why.
I've never felt comfortable writing about coworkers whom I see as colleagues and friends, not gays. But because so many people seem truly curious I asked a few flight attendants who are openly gay if they'd be willing to write something about the subject that I could print here. Without hesitation, they agreed to share their thoughts. Unfortunately I never heard back from them after our flight. So I decided to do the next best thing and contact my friend, and coworker, Brian, author of the blog Straight Guy in the Queer Skies, to hear what his thoughts were on why there are so few straight men in our profession. Here's what he wrote...
The industry is already gay friendly, so it only makes sense that the next generation of flight attendants will be gay as well. Every confused, awkward gay teen going through puberty, desperate to fit in during high school, dreams of being a flight attendant. It's the promised land! This could be why the job may not seem as appealing to straight men. Some "straights" don't like working with "gays", while others might be nervous that the general public will perceive them as gay, so the majority of straight males stay away from the profession. Some guys just aren't secure enough in their masculinity, or maybe they don't want to always fight that battle every time someone asks what their profession is.
There are gay men in every profession, but there are certainly some arenas that are more accepting of gays than others. The service industry is one of those areas where gay men are very much accepted and do a fantastic job. Most of us straight boys aren't nearly as good when it comes to customer service. I'm not sure why this is and I don't really care. All I know is working under the customer service umbrella in some ways is like being a performer; you're in the spotlight. You do things and all eyes are on you. You say things and everyone listens. The world is your stage. This might not be appealing to most straight men.
I never wanted to be a flight attendant. I graduated from college and was trying to figure out what to do next when my mother suggested I apply to an airline because her cousin worked for one, the same one I work for now. I doubt I would've pursued it on my own but my mom went behind my back and sent in my application without me knowing. A week later she told me I had a flight I needed to show up for and an interview in another city. I didn't have anything else to do that day so I just went with it. Even after I got the job, I didn't really think it was something I'd want to do for very long. I didn't think I'd fit in. I stuck with it though and eventually I grew to love it. But that's how randomly I got into the business. I would have never come up with this occupation on my own. I don't think it's something straight men really think of whilst contemplating their career path.
The most honest answer is the reason why people do anything. Why start a band? Why go out for a sports team in high school? Why buy a Corvette? Why get out of the bed in the morning? Why shower? You do it in hopes of getting laid. Gay men know there are a million opportunities for fun on and off the plane provided by the job, therefore they apply for it.
Photo courtesy of Augapfel
Filed under: Airlines, Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Rick Hurlbut Feb 21st 2011 9:14PM
Brian is leaning in the right direction, but he's also bought into some gay stereotypes. There are a disproportionate number of gay flight attendants for two very simple reasons:
Being a flight attendant is commonly considered to be a 'girl job', or what's known as a 'pink collar' position. Because of societal attitudes, gay men are often considered to be "one of the girls". This is known as heterosexism. By grant of their sexual orientation, it is, therefore, acceptable for gay men to be flight attendants; conversely, it's not considered acceptable for non-gay men. It's also why you don't see lesbians in 'pink collar' jobs; any lesbian with even a slight feminist leaning will run in the opposite direction from traditional girl jobs.
Secondly, working on an aircraft demands a great deal of shift work and being away for extended periods of time. Not ideal for those raising a family. Few gay men have kids at home (but this is quickly changing). I expect you'll find that women who are flight attendants will also be disproportionately child-free.
So, a combination of ass-backwards social acceptance and the practical reality that those without kids will gravitate to those well-paid jobs which involve long hours, travel and scheduling flexibility.
Heather Poole Feb 22nd 2011 11:12AM
Twenty years ago your theory about flight attendants and family might have been correct, but times have changed and I'd say at my airline, a major US carrier, the majority of female flight attendants have kids, including me.
robert0000 Feb 23rd 2011 9:55AM
I did flight attendant hiring for United from 1993-1998. Most of you are forgetting one thing: The vast majority of male flight attendants are gay because those are the ones who more closely fit the personality characteristics for which the airlines are looking: poise, demeanor, approachability, disarming nonverbal characteristics, co-dependent personality, etc. Straight males interview for the job but are not selected. Not to generalize too much, but straight men generally work hard at NOT having poise and approachability (hyper-masculinity) and moreover have an aggressive/alpha-male personality that cannot submit to a group. It's not so much that gay men choose to be flight attendants. Rather, it's that of the thousands who interview for the job, those males with delicate features are the ones selected; and by default, they happen to be gay.
Heather Poole Feb 23rd 2011 12:34PM
Robert,
That's interesting. And makes a lot of sense. Did you really see a lot of straight men interviewing? How long did you work for the airline?
Heather
Chris Feb 21st 2011 10:04PM
Brian gets it right until the end of his response. I've never had a conversation with a fellow gay male f/a that revealed we wanted to fly to "get laid". That wasn't in my head when I started - and still isn't. Personally, I come from a family of airline people (my mom, dad, grandpa, uncle all worked for the airlines). I grew up learning about airplanes and developed a big interest in them. I also knew the airlines would be a "safe" place to work as a gay guy. It's this last reason that attracts gay guys to the profession.
Paul Feb 22nd 2011 4:21AM
So by given logic, female flight attendants are also in the industry to get laid in every city too? Stupid stereotyping just like that awful Travelocity ad.
Brian, are you still a flight attendant or did your mother send in an application for you for a new career somewhere else?
Heather Poole Feb 22nd 2011 11:11AM
I love that travelocity ad. I also have a sense of humor.
Kevin Feb 22nd 2011 5:02AM
I'm a gay male flight attendant and I work with and know Brian well. He's the coolest straight guy you'd ever want to meet. I don't think the humor translated so well. Go easy on him. He's a good guy with no prejudices.
brian easley Feb 22nd 2011 3:40PM
Thanks Kevin. It's sweet that you're sticking up for me even though you disagree with me.
Yeah, I think the humor was lost, but that's ok. It brought up some interesting topics of conversation and good discussion about how we live our lives and why we make the choices we do, at least among my friends and I. Like I said to you earlier, I honestly don't think any person gets into any profession to get laid unless they're a prostitute- even then it's probably just a means to an end.
I do think some people are going a little bit overboard with loving the job because of the adventure. After a few years it might not be about the adventure anymore. I love the job just as much as I did when I started 13 years ago but for completely different reasons. Many others I've talked to have said the same thing. They love the flexibility. They love how freaking easy it is. They love all the time off. They love the benefits. They love how even if they have to deal with the biggest jerk in the world, in just a few hours they're off the plane and will never have to see them again. They love not having a boss, or projects, or deadlines.
So many people who we fly with don't even do things on their layovers anymore. They stay within a mile of the hotel and never stray. They never use their flight benefits to take amazing holidays either. It's sad that so many of our colleagues are like that. I don't get it at all. I'm glad there are some flight attendants that have been doing it for 20+ years and still feel like it's an adventure. That makes me extremely happy to hear. I try to keep the adventure alive and I know others do as well, but in my experience, that is definitely the exception rather than the rule.
pgs123 Feb 22nd 2011 1:00PM
This a well-written article that addresses a challenging topic about which many might be curious. Thank you for writing it.
I have been curious about the topic for a personal reason. Generally speaking, I always believe that a person's qualifications should be the only concern, and one's gender, sexual orientation, religion or political beliefs should not be factors. However, the world is not perfect. For example, it's why I always take a stand in the workplace about equity for female executives (as a male, I sadly report that more still needs to be done for gender equity--especially in large corporations) and the LGBT community (no one's sexuality should be relevant so long as it neither impacts performance nor harasses anyone).
As for my personal reason, it pertains to racism. I'm a patriot who believes in being American first and foremost, and everyone's ancestry, albeit relevant, is secondary. That said, it upsets me when I encounter racism. In the past decade, the only instances, four of them, in which I've experienced prejudice are ones involving male flight attendants.
I've written ~60 commendation e-mails for flight attendants in that decade, and I abstain from submitting negative feedback because I don't know their circumstances (e.g., I'd be unpleasant, too, if I just sat at ORD for 4 hours--unpaid--during a ground-stop or am now working SAN-JFK when I just worked JFK-SAN 20 minutes ago). In those rare cases pertaining to negative feedback, I just give the purser a heads-up so that the issue can be addressed among the crew (because I've had bad days at work, too, and would rather have a co-worker tell me to check myself than be scolded by a colleague with a clipboard who's never done my job).
I never submitted complaints about the four incidents of racism from male flight attendants. I didn't even tell the pursers on those flights (yet somehow, I received full refunds for my business-class fares on each of those occasions; I'm still mystified by this). I can defend and assert myself poignantly, but I'm not one to escalate a situation while on an airplane because it just leads to delay for fellow passengers and grief for the crew. Forced to absorb the prejudice displayed by those individuals (my skin is thick so I'm fine), the experiences left me with a suspicious curiosity about male flight attendants.
There are bad eggs in any vocational basket. I choose to believe that the four men I encountered are anomalies and don't reflect the overall professionalism, compassion and patience that flight attendants display consistently. I hope that every passenger appreciates the essential order and civility that the many, many excellent flight attendants provide. There are seemingly countless selfish, idiotic individuals among us passengers, so try to imagine a flight without excellent flight attendants (on that note, always look out for the flight attendants on your flights and make sure no passengers harass or inhibit them from doing their jobs).
Despite my respect and appreciation for flight attendants, I am curious about male flight attendants based upon my four distasteful experiences. Thank you for writing this article. It makes me feel as if my curiosity is a healthy one, instead of a vengeful one. Moreover, I believe people of any sexual orientation, preference or level like to have fun, or get laid.
David Feb 23rd 2011 4:25PM
I am a straight male that is currently applying for a job with a major airline as a foreign language flight attendant. I have had two interviews and hope to get scheduled for a face to face interview soon. I really appreciate all the blogs, forums, and articles that are written on the subject of flight attendants. I don't think its fair to make rationalizations about any industry or a complete strangers very personal life. I like the response from Robert0000 though because it gives me a little insight into what it will take to get the job. Personally I am looking to enter this profession because it sounds fun, I enjoy working with people, and I have heard good things about the benefits and pay. I graduated from college and looked for a degree in a completely different field than air travel but stumbled upon this career when the other avenue did not come around. Anyways, I sincerely hope I get this job and I look forward to meeting new colleagues no matter who they are or what their background personal or otherwise is.
Channing Thomson Feb 25th 2011 4:13PM
"While sexual preference has nothing to do with the job"
To the author: The proper phrase is sexual orientation, not sexual preference. The latter indicates that people choose to be gay or straight as opposed to being born with a particular orientation. Thanks, CT
Bruce TWA Mar 7th 2011 12:47PM
This is all junk...get back to reality, all of you...
44john Apr 5th 2011 11:21AM
This article is such a steaming pile of 1950s heterosexist claptrap that deserves to be treated with as much ridicule as contempt.
In the spirit of the AOL Way, here's a Top 5 List of things that are wrong with this article:
1) "I didn't try hard enough to talk to any actual gay flight attendants, but here's what some straight guy I know thinks!"
Seriously, Heather? Seriously? Oh my God.
Did you ever think that perhaps your gay colleagues thought that you might not be entitled to parade them out like a sequin-clad Uncle Tom?
And, given your impressive use of 1980s terms like "gays" and "sexual preference", perhaps your colleagues thought that you might well just be a clueless straight person who just Does Not Get It?
2) People are people, not adjectival nouns
Hi, welcome to not-the-1980s. We say "gay people" not "gays". We don't talk about "blacks" or "Japanese" any more, we talk about "black people" or "Japanese people". Since language informs the way we think about things, this helps to remind us that gay people are people and not just wanton sex-hungry manwhores.
3) It's not a preference
"Sexual preference" implies that people decide to be gay. Only ignorant people think that. Don't sound like an ignorant person.
4) Gay people all have the same
Of course every gay boy dreams of being a flight attendant! Either that or a hairstylists, or maybe a fashion designer. They certainly couldn't have any of our straight jobs. Newsflash: still no longer the 1950s. About one in ten people is gay. There aren't that many flight attendants, hairstylists or fashion designers in the world.
5) All gay people love performing. And musicals.
Wait, forget the musicals, I'm getting off track. It may be news, but gay people love perfoming about as much as straight people do. It's as irritating for me to be pigeonholed as as Barbra-esque Performa! as it is for my straight guy musical theatre friends when people assume they're gay.
Special Bonus Point 6) Gay people are only interested in sex!
LOL! Way to perpetuate a ridiculous stereotype there, bucko. That makes you look like either a clueless moron, an insensitive idiot or a prejudiced bigot. Which one is it?
Maria Apr 11th 2011 4:48PM
Well said :)
Jimmy Mack Apr 19th 2011 3:34PM
Heather,
I wish I had seen this earlier and responded. As a straight male flight attendant with a wife and two teenagers I find it hilarious that people are still infatuated with this topic. I've worked in three different business sectors in my life and there were gay people every step of the way, many of them dear friends. Yes, the percentage of gay to straight males in my current profession is higher than the other occupations but, with all due respect to Brian, there is a dubious reason for it. Allow me to offer you "Jimmy's Theory."
The flight attendant profession has been shrouded in mythology and mis-perception for, oh, about 40 years now. Why? I'm not completely sure but I believe it begins with the nostalgic yearning for a time when the public dreamed (or claimed) every flight experience was a magic carpet ride through Hugh Hefner's mansion and, of course, the airline companies went right along with it, as the uniforms of the past bear out. Problem was, the airlines weren't very nice to their "bunnies" when they got married or pregnant. They fired them. Thankfully we have certain Constitutionaly-protected rights in the USA and the sexist pigs who were running the airlines then had their wrists slapped and wallets tapped.
At about this same time a book came out titled "Coffee, Tea Or Me" claiming to be a confessional tell-all of a rather promiscuous "stewardess", and her fast lifestyle. Problem was, it was all fiction. Worse than that, it was ghost-written by a confused man who fantasized the whole seedy mess. But why let a popular piece of perverted fiction spoil everybody's fun right? So gradually over time hedonism was accepted to be "the life of a flight attendant", even though most of us, when not deflecting snark and weirdness at work, are actually at home, mowing our lawns or coaching little league.
Eventually, the airlines got fed up with this whole notion of maternity leave and time-off, and realized there was another way. Hire gay men. They won't get pregnant. Won't need to take a leave. Won't have to take a day off with a sick kid. So they tilted the scale in that direction thinking "screw them bitches and their families, we don't need them." Problem was...., you guessed it, the public is a bit homophobic and began whispering, then shouting, "where are all the bitches!!??" So, they started to hire straight guys..., or to paraphrase Brian's image, hard-faced Alpha-types. That would be me, I guess.
The result is the airlines unwittingly ended up with a group of folks who are a micro-cosm of how America looks today, a collection of mutts who could care less what the orientation of a co-worker might be. I'm proud to be in the dog pound with them.
So, the next time a customer asks "how come...", ask them why they care. Then ask them "if you ever found yourself in an ambulance with someone trying to save your life, would you care what their orientation was?" Why does it matter? And no, I don't "fly this route all the time." What a dumb question.
Peace,
Jimmy Mack