GALLEY GOSSIP: 10 ways to be REALLY annoying at the airport
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1. BE A PERV - Get frisked. Several times. That's right, just keep going back and forth through airport security. When TSA looks at you funny during the pat down, grin mischievously and say, "oh yeah, that feels good." Make sure to mean it when you say it. If you don't get frisked, just smile and tell them you think they missed a spot. Use your eyes to show them the spot. You know the one. See how many times you can do it and actually get away with it.
2. FLIRT - Walk around, linger at a gate, and when you find that perfect someone stare intensely. Don't blink. When they finally catch you staring, walk on over and use the flight delay / cancellation / on time boarding as an ice breaker to get to know the one you've been scaring. Go for it! Ask that person out on a date. You can go to the food court for coffee. If you still like each other after coffee, grab a bite for dinner. Take it a step further and try speed dating.
3. EAT - Don't you know that calories don't count at the airport? So go ahead and enjoy. No place to sit? Have a picnic on the floor. At the gate. Make sure you're surrounded by passengers before you sit down. Use nearby luggage as a makeshift table. Be romantic by bringing along a date, perhaps the one you picked up at the gate. (Scroll back up to #2)
4. CALL YOUR MOTHER - Or better yet, call another mother, like my mother. Make sure you're wearing the blue tooth when telling the mother of your choice what you're doing, and not doing, and make sure to give details, lots and lots of details. Take it up a notch and explain to her, very loudly, exactly what the passenger sitting next to you is doing. Continue the play by play for as long as possible.
5. READ - Out loud. Help others around you catch up on the latest celebrity gossip. Make sure to let everyone know that Jen is pregnant with twins and that John Mayer is the father. Ask those seated nearby what they have to think, and the let me know whether or not they believe Jen is finally over Brad. While discussing these oh so important details, don't forget to prop those feet up on your suitcase. Better yet, use another passenger's suitcase. When you're done, get out a notebook and make a list of things you think Jen should do, as well as the things she shouldn't do, and share it with those around you. Don't forget to fill me in.
Dear Heather,

Groped on the airplane, it happens. A lot. Has it happened to you?
"Bids are out!"
Dear Heather,
I'm wearing the blue polyester dress, you know the one, and I'm standing two rows behind you, an arm draped over a seat, a hand gripping the plastic handle of my 
Flying back from Honolulu, I found myself crammed in a middle seat. Now I'm not a big person, just a normal sized person, and yet there I sat with my elbows held tight against my side, my hands resting in my lap, as the broken seat in front of me reclined much farther back than it should have. Oh yeah, I had a woman's head an inch from my chest. Good thing I didn't need anything out of my tote-bag, the one located under the seat in front of me, the one I could not reach if I so inclined. And then, if that wasn't bad enough, things got worse, much worse.




















