SkyMall Monday: Garden Yeti ACTUAL REVIEW

The Garden Yeti may be called a statue, but it's more interactive than your run of the mill lawn ornament. While most Garden Yeti parents (you do not own a Garden Yeti - you raise it) simply leave their Garden Yeti in the, well, um, garden, that is not the proper way to care for these creatures. You see, the Garden Yeti sold in the SkyMall catalog is not, in fact, a miniature Garden Yeti. No, my friends, this two-and-a-half-feet tall gentle beast is actually an infant Garden Yeti. Having spent time with this missing link, I would venture to guess that he is no more than three-years-old.

Once I discovered that the Garden Yeti was just a child, I quickly learned how to connect with him. Now, we watch Yo Gabba Gabba!, eat lots of hot dogs and enjoy trips to the park. And, it was at the park that I was able to truly experience Garden Yeti parenthood it all its righteous splendor.

My Garden Yeti, Calvin, simply adores the park. He sits on the big boy swing and holds on tightly while I push him. "Higher, higher," he yells. Well, that's according to the young girl who watched us playing on the swings. Her friend insisted that wooden Garden Yetis can't talk and that the first girl was simply "making that up." It's sad when you meet a three-year-old who's dead inside. She made Calvin cry.

Garden Yetis love slides (exclusive Gadling fact). They also enjoy the fireman's pole (though Calvin likes when I hold him so that he doesn't fall). On the playground, Garden Yetis let loose, build self-confidence and make new friends.

Young Garden Yetis never get bored of playing catch. They almost always catch the ball perfectly in stride. They keep their eyes on the ball and never drop a pass. While my Garden Yeti is nearly 20 years away from pursuing a career in the NFL, I have already retained a team of attorneys to look into the league's collective bargaining agreement to ensure that Garden Yetis are eligible to be drafted. While Garden Yetis are known for their big feet, it's their soft hands that make them truly extraordinary.

Garden Yetis are also great with dogs. As the missing link, Garden Yetis are attuned to the feelings of both humans and animals. Calvin gets along swimmingly with my dog, Heath. They enjoy long walks together. And, as Calvin gets more mature, he has even begun to walk Heath on his own. Indeed, Garden Yetis are perfect additions to any family.

So, does the Garden Yeti deserve its place SkyMall lore? Without a doubt, yes. Garden Yetis make houses homes. They make families complete. And they make trips to the park the best memories of your life. Please, find it in your heart to adopt a garden Yeti. Twelve pounds of love are only a few clicks away.

Photos by Jordana Lapidus.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.