Galley Gossip: Special requests, two cubes of ice & a man's pair of pants

Dear Heather,

So the other day I was on a flight from Boston to San Francisco and I thought you might get a kick out of the following conversation that took place between the flight attendant working in first class and the passenger sitting beside me…

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Miss did you get a chance to look at the menu?

PASSENGER: Unfortunately

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (Pauses. Smiles) Will you be dining with us tonight?

PASSENGER: I don’t like anything on the menu, I mean clam chowder and steak – gross and gross!

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: I’m sorry, but that is all I have tonight.

PASSENGER: I mean, all of us are from California. We don’t like CLAMS or STEAK! I want two portions of salad, the dessert fruit plate as my meal, with still water – not sparkling, and red wine – but not with my nuts, WITH my meal, and NO dessert!

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (repeats the order) Got it!

PASSENGER: Wait, can I just have almonds? Oh forget it. I’ll pick out what I don’t want.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (smiles, glances at me) And what will you be having for dinner tonight, Sir?

ME: I’ll have the chowder, please.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: (Big sigh, wink) Thank you!…. (walks away)

Just thought I’d share…

Sincerely,

Ron

(A.K.A. Frequent-flyin-two-timin Ron)

Dear Ron,

Boston – San Francisco? Oh no no no, Ron, you must be confused, because your flight sounds a lot like my flight, only I worked the New York – Seattle route last night. I mean that was you, wasn’t it, sitting behind the first class passenger who wanted “just a little bit” of ice with Diet Coke, the passenger who looked absolutely disgusted when I placed a drink on her tray table with – count em – one, two, three, four cubes swimming around inside the glass? This, of course, resulted in a request for a spoon, ya know, so that she could scoop out two cubes and then drop them into the palm of my hand.

Yeah…umm…thank you, Ma’am.

Or was that you sitting across the aisle from the first class passenger who decided to change out of his business suit right as we were about to begin the meal service. Remember, him, Mister sparkling water with lime? The passenger that exited the lav wearing jeans who asked if I could hang his gray trousers in the closet, which I did, and that was fine. But then, right before landing, I stood in the aisle holding a man’s pair of pants and felt…well…kind of strange just standing there in the aisle holding a man’s pair of pants in front of other passengers while waiting, waiting, waiting, for him to put away and stow a computer. I mean I didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea or anything.

ME: Sir, your pants?

PASSENGER: (takes them and lays them across his lap, no response)

Weird, right? I mean you’d think a person would thank a flight attendant for handing them their own pants in public!

Anyway, more wine for you, Ron! Thanks for being so observant. Here, go ahead, take the bottle. You’re my kind of passenger.

Sincerely,

Heather Poole

Photos courtesy of Melissa Maples and Telstar Logistics