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Galley Gossip: A letter from a frequent flyin', two-timin', cheat!
Dear Airline, 
I remember the first day we met. It was love at first flight. We've shared countless hours together- oh the places we've gone. It's been bumpy at times, but I always stuck up for you when people called you old and grumpy. I even stuck by you when you dropped service to Providence, my home town! But lately something has changed. You don't treat me the way you used to. You started charging me for every little thing, even the things we used to enjoy for free. And now when I fly you, you seem to always be tired and give out on me before we even get anywhere. You've even gotten skimpy with the meals.
I remember the first day we met. It was love at first flight. We've shared countless hours together- oh the places we've gone. It's been bumpy at times, but I always stuck up for you when people called you old and grumpy. I even stuck by you when you dropped service to Providence, my home town! But lately something has changed. You don't treat me the way you used to. You started charging me for every little thing, even the things we used to enjoy for free. And now when I fly you, you seem to always be tired and give out on me before we even get anywhere. You've even gotten skimpy with the meals.
Well now there's someone else. I won't lie. Why you ask? Because she's not falling apart. Her meals aren't as good as yours, and sometimes I really DO miss your salty nuts, but the temptation is there. I know what you're thinking, it's that she can offer me the updated MD88 AND the MD90...and you can't! It's true, you're right.
Maybe there's still a chance for us- let's fly it out. How about a day trip together. How about a nice double mad dog Chicago turn on my next day off? Lunch and Dinner on YOU? Maybe some wine? Let me know!
An "ex" frequent flier
Dear "ex" frequent flier,
I'm not the only one who has changed. Putting the blame on me is just so typical. There you sit with your salty nuts moaning and groaning about everything I do, meanwhile you haven't put a hand in your pocket for years. You flew the lap of luxury for the cost of a coach ticket over the last ten years, never once thinking about how I'm always able to give, give, give and never ask for anything in return - other than your loyalty. As with every relationship something has to give!
While you continue seeking out the other carriers, always looking for a shinier, newer, prettier, airplane, I continue to fly the same routes day in and day out with every one of my seats occupied. Haven't you noticed that others still find me attractive and whenever you leave someone is quick to take your place?
A new airline doesn't always have more to offer, ya know? Don't you realize that regardless of the color of my paint, the order in which you board, or the snacks I serve, when it comes down to it we're all pretty much the same? That whenever you stray, you're just trading in one set of problems for a whole new set - many times an even worse set! So please, for the love of God, show a little respect and stop blatantly checking out the competition. It only makes me feel worthless, unimportant, and unloved - after all we've been through together! Seriously, how long do you think I'm going to just sit at the gate and wait for you to come to your senses? And do you actually believe I'll accept your apology when you come crawling back for more? Because we both know you will. You always do.
Instead of flying it out, why don't you keep flying your new sweet little airline. Honestly, I can't wait to see how long that lasts. I'll bet money your little airline goes bust and you find yourself back on the road to qualifying miles. Sooner or later you'll learn all that glitters isn't gold, and then you'll be right back to what you know. Yeah, I may be old and I may even be a little grumpy at times, but I still have what you want; cheap flights, decent service, and more routes than that new airline of yours!
Love,
The Old Airline.
P.S. Just because she says she's a virgin doesn't mean she is!
| Try to work things out. There's a reason they've been together for so long! | |
|---|---|
| Move on. It's over and nothing is going to change that. | |
| Keep cheating. The airline won't do anything about it |
Filed under: Airlines, Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Ron Aug 25th 2009 9:41AM
Brilliant!!!!!! That's really all I can say!!!
Joseph S. Aug 25th 2009 10:22AM
A couple things:
1. Was that an actual letter that you received, or was this all made up?
2. That photo of the airplane suite makes me green with envy.
3. I think I know which airline this guy is cheating with.
Heather Poole Aug 25th 2009 10:31AM
RON - Thanks for the compliment...and thanks again for the hilarious letter! You are my favorite, frequent-flyin', two-timin' cheat, ya know.
JOSEPH - a couple answers...
1. Yes, it was an actual letter. Funny, right?
2. I'm green, too! Awesome shot taken by Tel Star Logistics.
3. You know the airline? I do, too. LOL
Amy Aug 25th 2009 11:18AM
What airline????
Myosotis Aug 25th 2009 11:39AM
I'm guessing it's the airline she mentions in her post.. you know, the one who's not really a virgin..
Alex Aug 25th 2009 12:41PM
Pretty sure it's Delta, I don't know of any other American airline that flies the MD-88 and MD-90. Also think the old airline he's talking about is American, since he's probably comparing those planes to American's older MD-82's and 83's, and American is also the only legacy carrier that doesn't serve Providence (anymore?).
Mark R. Aug 25th 2009 12:18PM
Heather, another great hilarious post!
Amy Aug 25th 2009 12:28PM
Hmm...only one "virgin" airline comes to mind...i am guessing that is it..
I tend to stick with American, Delta and Jetblue LOL!!! I am not familiar with a number of airlines...
Amy Aug 25th 2009 12:38PM
Gosh Darn it!!
I just saw the clue in the post...sorry everyone for the idiotic comment...
I just have to say in all honesty... Flight Attendants have a hard job that no one respects anymore...95% of the time I fly I am greeted with hellos...I am greeted with a smile when they come for beverage service...I am given a "thank you for flying with 'this airline' today" when we land safely... and the 5% of the time I don't....IT'S OK!!!!! It's not the end of the world... I mean seriously they have other things to be concerned about... Maybe it's just me..but I would rather a no hello then a flight attendant who isn't prepared for a safe flight.
We all have our jobs to do and yes, while a flight attendants job does include customer service...they aren't our slaves..they are there to help us and to make sure we all have a smooth flight to our destination...
A tip from one passenger to another...if you don't like the airlines snack or beverage service...buy your own in the airport...a bottle of water or coke or even a jamba juice smoothie and your own size of chips, combos or candy bar might make the flight better for you...
Just my opinions...
Heather: KEEP UP THE EXCELLENT WORK!!!!!!
Amy Aug 25th 2009 12:43PM
The answer is in the P.S. comment of her blog...I found just like 2 minutes ago..I feel pretty dumb lol!!!!
Myosotis Aug 25th 2009 1:11PM
Alex has some pretty good point with Delta, but if it's not virgin, why the huge hint in the post?
Is he cheating with multiple airlines?
Alex Aug 25th 2009 2:03PM
Yeah I'm not sure. Either it's more than one airline or one of those hints is false, since Virgin doesn't fly the MD-80 series.
Myosotis Aug 25th 2009 6:06PM
yes, you're right.
And If one hint is false, I'd say it's the virgin one, Since the ex-flier is mentioning the MD-80 series in his letter..
Alex Aug 25th 2009 6:07PM
The virgin hint at the end (with a link to a Virgin America post) just seems wayyyy too damn obvious. Heather?
johnmc Aug 25th 2009 6:05PM
Virgin America doesn't fly the MD series. They stick with Airbus A320s. I'll leave personal feelings about the respective aircraft out of this comment. :)
Lucila Aug 25th 2009 6:05PM
Heather, this was an A-W-E-S-O-M-E post!
Joseph S. Aug 25th 2009 6:04PM
Oops. I completely missed the P.S. of your response letter. I originally thought it was JetBlue (becuase we all know how those JetBlue planes just give it all away), but then realized that JetBlue doesn't have any planes that are made by MD.
Cidlover Aug 25th 2009 6:02PM
Wait, the Virgin Airlines don't have any MD planes either. It has to be Delta.
PG Aug 25th 2009 6:00PM
Among your numerous captivating stories, this is your best one! Creative, witty and fun. Cheers!
LawyerChick Aug 26th 2009 12:29PM
Hm, I would have guessed Virgin as well.
I actually joined their program but have yet to fly. I'm still scarred by the torrid affair I had with Eos back in 2007. It was hot, it was sexy, it was SOOOO much fun. But at the end all I had were some once-in-a-lifetime memories and blurry cell phone pictures, when I could have made EXP and had some swell times with my "old" airline in 2008.
So he snores in the recliner in front of the TV more than I would like, and maybe those love handles leave me a little less room in my seat. But I guess we're in it for the long haul.