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Galley Gossip: How flying standby can make you religious
Dear Heather,
I read your post about flight attendant buddy passes and I think you forgot the best part about flying standby. You become a much more religious person. Why? Because when you fly standby you tend to pray a lot...
It all starts when your alarm goes off at 2 AM. "Please God let the loads on the aircraft be light and let me be the first on the stand by list."
Then when you get to the airport and see your name on the list, you start the second round of prayers. "Please Lord let me make this flight, please!" Most likely you won't make the flight, but you will get rolled over to the next flight, and so on and so on until you FINALLY hear what you've been wanting to hear all day...your name called! YES!
By this time it's usually late in the afternoon. You're given a boarding card and immediately start praying again, "Thank you Lord Jesus for this boarding pass." You make a mental note to go to church more often!
While opening and shutting several full overhead bins, the flight attendant makes the PA that everyone must take a seat so the flight can depart on time. You begin to panic and pray for an empty bin, because as a non-rev you were the very last person to board and the flight is full, full, full. After you find a bin, and thank God, you take your seat, a middle seat located in the last row, and though you should be happy and jumping for joy, you're not out of the woods just yet! In fact, as an experienced non-rev standby passenger you will not stop praying until that cabin door is closed!
Oh no! Now the gate agent is walking down the aircraft aisle. The praying and sweating are going into overdrive. You try not to make eye contact with the agent as he/she walks down the aisle. The praying continues at a furious pace, "Please don't let the gate agent come to me, please God, please!"
Your heart is racing faster and faster as the agent gets closer and closer and that's when it happens. He/she stops, looks you square in the eye, and says, "we have a revenue passenger that needs your seat. Please collect your belongings and follow me."
Then it's on to the next gate where the praying and waiting start all over again!
Mark, an optometrist / wannabe flight attendant
Dear Mark,
Holy Moley, Mark, I will pray that you never have to non-rev travel again! But you're right, non-reving is a stressful experience, one I dread each and every month, which is why I almost always buy a seat whenever I travel with my three-year-old son.
Whenever people find out I'm a flight attendant and start hinting around for a buddy pass, I just shake my head and think to myself, are you crazy! Because seriously, it's just crazy to non-rev when you can buy a ticket for cheap on-line for cheap these days. Especially if you prefer to actually arrive at your destination, not spend the entire day rolling from gate to gate.
And now a question for you, Mister Wannabe Flight Attendant, why, oh why, would you want to be a flight attendant? I know you're crazy because you've been non-reving - by choice, but just how crazy are you? Please tell me this flight attendant thing is just a fantasy and not something you'd actually do, not when you've got a fantastic job already. I mean do you really want to wear the pin striped apron and serve chocolate chip cookies at 30,000 feet? Because honestly, I wouldn't mind wearing the white robe with the thesescope while asking people to read the last line.
Hmmm...are you thinking what I'm thinking? Maybe, just maybe, we should get together (during Halloween of course!) and swap uniforms. Call me.
Thanks for the letter. I couldn't have explained non-rev travel better.
Happy Travels,
Heather, a wannabe doctor who will be praying to get on a flight next week
Photo courtesy of (meditation) Joe Shlabotnik, (doctor) Curt
Filed under: Airlines, Transportation, Airports, Budget Travel, Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
frank96 Jul 16th 2009 10:15AM
Oh no! Now the gate agent is walking down the aircraft aisle. The praying and sweating are going into overdrive. You try not to make eye contact with the agent as he/she walks down the aisle. The praying continues at a furious pace, "Please don't let the gate agent come to me, please God, please!"
====================================================
I got the "tap" on the shoulder in Zurich once. My carrier at the time only had one flight per day and I didnt have a back-up ticket. As I was walking off the aircraft, the agent also removed a deadheading crew onboard due to weight restrictions. I tagged along with them as we waited in the boarding area and tried to figure out how to get home. The station Manager comes running up and says, "TWA is leaving right now. Run for the gate! They let us all on without additional payment.
I enjoyed my ride home from TWA. I will always remember how wonderful TWA treated me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans_World_Airlines
It's hard to fathom how many great airlines no longer fly today. I'm glad I did all my non-rev travel when it wasnt so hard to get on flights. Fellow employees treated you well. And, it wasnt as hard as it is today to even afford to travel when you're brave enough to try.
(I havent non-rev'ed in seven years)
Mikel Jul 16th 2009 11:53AM
It's so true!! It's not over until the cabin door is closed! I always commuted out of MCO, and it can be CRAZY there. When my boyfriend got his first airline job I gave him the rundown of how close to stand to the gate without being obnoxious, how to try and make sure the crew sees you so you have a better chance of getting on, and that as soon as you get on that airplane - hide!!!
The jumpseat is a wonderful, wonderful thing. As long as no other pilots are trying to get on that flight, too!! I'm 5' tall and actually had a gate agent look me up and down and say "Ok, cockpit jumpseat for you. I'm putting you down as a half-weight." Instant diet!
suzanne Jul 17th 2009 3:48PM
enjoyed the comments about flying standby. my husband and i are new to this as our daughter is a fairly new flight attendant. (d.o.e. 9/2007). we've flown to slc twice, and have learned a thing or two about how to get out of atl. not easy. and yes,,after a long day in an airport, watching everybody board except me,,the idea of buying a ticket does seem more enticing. couple of questions....what is a "zed" fare? if i want to purchase a ticket,,is there a discount? what are the best days to fly standby? do gate agents secretly hate standby passengers?
Suzanne H Jul 21st 2009 11:48PM
Hey Suzanne-- and Heather, too :o)
To try to answer your question about ZED fares, they are tickets you can buy that will be accepted by whatever airlines your carrier has agreements with-- I am sure that didn't answer your question. LOL! It is much more convenient because instead of buying several back up passes you have one that several will accept. I am sure if you ask your daughter she will be able to get you more of an explanation from her travel dept.
Heather- this post is HILARIOUS!!!! Of course not quite as funny as it could be because it is so true! I did the whole hoping and praying thing last week leaving Las Vegas. It worked out pretty well for me, but -wow! How stressful!! And that was on the carrier I work for!! Thanks so much for keeping us laughing- LOVE your blog!! -Suzanne H.
Brittany Jul 21st 2009 3:33AM
Ha this is so spot-on. My boyfriend's dad is a pilot, so he flies for free but ugh is it ever a trial. He almost got left behind on a vacation we took to Hawaii; now that was stressful. I was about ready to jump out of my seat if they tried closing that door without him getting on the plane first..