SkyMall Monday: Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder

Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, I love to host barbecues and dinner parties for my SkyMall Maniac friends. Typically, I grill up some of my custom-branded steaks, chill some beers and enjoy the good times. But lately my friends have been complaining that my steaks are bland. That they're poorly seasoned. In fact, there's talk of not attending my parties anymore and instead hanging out with someone who writes about the Blair catalog. Frankly, I cannot let that happen (mostly because I want to be the guy who writes about the Blair catalog). So, it's time that I spiced up my meat with the Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder!

Most pepper grinders are maybe 8" tall. Perhaps you have a restaurant-quality grinder and it's pushing 12". I scoff at your inadequate grinders. I'm a man. I need a grinder that exceeds 28" and resembles a piece of sporting goods equipment that is in no way related to food. I need the Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder.

There's no better way to season your food than by standing up, taking a full step back from the table and grinding fresh pepper onto your plate from a safe distance. Every year, literally one person is mildly inconvenienced by getting a pepper flake remotely close to his eye. You can avoid being that person and show people that you love baseball. You need the Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder.

Maybe I'm not articulating this clearly enough. Brainstorm! Let's look at the product description:

Hit one out-of-the-park as a gift for your Dad who's MVP of the grill. Feels and looks just like a baseball bat but professional quality grinder delivers effective spice control. Made in the United Kingdom...

First of all, nothing sells a product better than clever wordplay. Secondly, I never knew that spice control was an issue but now I fear that I need to control my spices before something tragic occurs. And thirdly, who better to craft the perfect novelty baseball bat than the British?

Finally, my steaks will be seasoned in a way that demonstrates my spice control. My guests will be satisfied. And I can get started on writing about my favorite Blair product.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Filed under: Gear