SkyMall Monday: Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa

by Mike Barish on

One of the best aspects of travel is meeting new people. One of the best aspects of meeting knew people is putting your penis inside them. Yes, travel sex is one of the great pleasures of the road. But the art of seduction is not easily mastered and many people struggle with language barriers, culture clashes and hygiene differences. Thankfully, SkyMall knows that everyone could use a little help in the romance department. That’s why they’re always there with sultry apparel, sex toys and inflatables. If you’ve met someone while traveling, had a few drinks and need to seal the deal, you’re going to need to impress her in a way that no one else can. Simply being a visitor from another city, state or country is not enough. You’re not as mysterious and interesting as you think. Odds are you’re actually quite boring and filled with cliché anecdotes about full moon beach parties and frequent flier miles. That’s why you need the ultimate seduction tool. SkyMall Monday is very aroused excited about this week’s product. The next time you find yourself away from home and ready to get to home base, simply set up your Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa.Up until now, hot tubs have been inconveniently immobile. The static nature of these spas meant that you had to be suave enough to lure a woman to your home simply with your charm, wit and willingness to order her as many pomegranate mojito-tinis as possible before her homely gal pal dragged her away. That was expensive and dangerous (alcohol poisoning is no laughing matter unless it involves clowns). Now, you can simply set up your Spa-N-A-Box right there at the bar if need be. You’ll go from Spa-N-A-Box to Dick in a Box in no time.

Thinking that packing a spa will be expensive and burdensome? Don’t believe that you need a Jacuzzi to lure a young lady’s mouth towards your phallus? Virgins like you make me sad. Let’s check out the product description:

Buy Comfort Line Products’ Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa and you can enjoy having a totally portable spa that fits easily into those hard to get to locations – both indoors and out! Relax, now you can treat yourself to a soothing, hydro-therapeutic massage any time, anywhere…The barrier-free seating arrangement allows you freedom of movement.

It fits into hard to get locations…just like your penis! And that freedom of movement is going to come in handy when you also invite your new lady friend’s homely gal pal to join you for a soak. The more the merrier, right?

Don’t just take SkyMall’s word for it. For the first time ever, we’re also taking a look at the user reviews. Check out what this satisfied customer had to say:

“We live in a trailer, we have a cement slab… set the hot tub up …. completly and totally amazing!!! Wonderful!!!! It feels bigger than it is. We are VERY happy!!!“
Gender: Female
Age: 46-50

If that middle-aged lady is getting busy on a cement slab in a trailer park, imagine how easy it will be for you to get some action in a place where everyone has their teeth.

You can waste your time with conversation, personality and respect or you can cut to the chase and get wet. Choose the latter. Choose the Spa-N-A-Box Portable Spa. Choose chlorine.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.


Gading Movie Review: Hot Tub Time Machine

by Mike Barish on

We don’t talk about movies much here at Gadling (though we make exceptions when it comes to OnDemand and George Clooney). Recently, however, we were captivated by the trailer for a travel film that left us ready to camp outside our local theater. When a travel film like this comes along, it’s hard for us not to sit up and take notice. And this past weekend, that movie finally hit theaters and demanded our attention. That movie? None other than Hot Tub Time Machine. “But it’s not a travel movie,” you say? Well, it’s called “time travel” not “time staying in one place.” Time travel is the ultimate trip. Rather than just looking at a map and selecting your next destination, you have the entirety of history (and, theoretically, the future) at your fingertips. So, with the excitement of time travel piquing our interest and 80s nostalgia luring us in, we caught a matinee (hey, movie tickets are expensive) of Hot Tub Time Machine over the weekend so that we could share our thoughts with you.

Is it worth your entertainment dollar? Does it capture the zeitgeist of travel? Did we laugh a lot? Keep reading to find out.The film stars 80s movie veteran John Cusack, The Daily Show alum and comedic spitfire Rob Corddry and The Office’s scene stealing Craig Robinson as three old friends who have drifted apart since their heyday in the decade of decadence. Joining them is young Clark Duke, who plays Cusack’s character’s nephew. After Corddry’s character ends up in the hospital, the friends reunite for a weekend bender in their formerly favorite (and now dilapidated) ski town. And, as you probably know by now from the trailer, they end up in a hot tub that is way more than just a seedy, bubbly cauldron of sin.

Where HTTM excels is in its commitment to simplicity. There’s no techno-jargon or flux capacitor. If you’re looking for explanations of the space-time continuum, you’ve purchased tickets to the wrong movie. The writers have basically decided that some movies take place in New York and others take place in the past. The 1980s serve as the location and getting there is less important than what happens there. And, as a comedy, this is a fantastic strategy. Rather than ask the audience to believe a sci-fi explanation of time travel, just get to the punchlines.

And there are plenty of punchlines. Without going over the top with nostalgic 80s references, the film captures the mood of the decade (and the campy comedies that it birthed) through great costumes, classic music and sly references (Karate Kid fans should pay attention throughout). The 80s jokes never have a chance to get old as the dialogue is just clever enough to keep you engaged in the characters. And with a classic (some might say clichéd) storyline centered around missed opportunities and friendships, the plot is an ode to many of the movies that made Cusack famous.

Sure, the film slows down a bit in the second act, but it wraps things up well before you have a chance to get bored. Despite it’s campy title, it’s actually a more subdued comedy than The Hangover. HTTM keeps things simple, starting with its title and continuing through its jokes. But simple isn’t bad. Simple is classic. Just like the 80s.

We’re giving Hot Tub Time Machine 4 chlorine tablets (out of 5). It’s a fantastic comedy and a genuine travel movie. Hot Tub Time Machine is rated R and currently playing in theaters nationwide.

Don’t become a hermit: eight tips for solo business travelers

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Solo business travel can be downright depressing. Even if you hate team dinners (and your colleagues), don’t mind dining alone and prefer a bit of privacy, frequent individual business trips can turn you into a hermit. After a while, you socialize almost not at all, become intolerant of other people and seek out the types of conversation that can only be held in your own head. Along the way, you can become perpetually annoyed or even seriously depressed. The tendencies that characterize your personal life can invade your job performance, as well. Sucking at work can take a toll on your self-esteem, intensifying the problem. Before you know it, you’re beholden to this toxic dynamic — extracting yourself requires a triumph of the will, which is unlikely when you’re trapped by the pressure of a seemingly inescapable situation.

Prevention is really the only course of action at your disposal. Otherwise, you’re left waiting for someone else to notice the problem and pull you out of your rut. For lone road warriors, unfortunately, regular exposure to anyone is rare. Clients are most likely to realize the situation, but that’s more likely to result in a call to your boss than to you. Your extrication from the perils of solo business traveler life thus could come at the cost of a ding to your career. To avoid this, you’ll have to be, as the management gurus say, “proactive.”

Your sanity and livelihood are on the line. Fortunately, you’re inherently equipped to protect yourself, and the travel environment offers much that you can use. However, both your mind and the hotel offer plenty in the way of temptation, so try to stay on an even keel.

Here are six ways to ward off hermitdom for the solo business traveler:

1. Dinner should not be “do not disturb”
Avoid room service at all costs. Once you get a taste of the convenience, even if you have a good reason that first time, you’ll slip into the habit of eating in bed every night. It won’t take you long to have an excuse for every occasion. Go down to the restaurant. If you have access to a car, leave the property. Otherwise, you’ll start to think that meals should be consumed in hiding. Some restaurants offer a communal table for business travelers: take advantage of it.

2. Join the club
Most business travelers have some form of elite hotel status, allowing them to hang in the club-level lounge. Skip the hotel bar, and use the exclusive offering instead. Sure, the food (and sometimes the booze) is free, which is always a plus. More important is that you’ll be around people like you. Shared experiences lead to natural conversations. And, if you and the other guests in the club are on long-term projects, you may wind up with some new friends. You may have a companion for dinner a night or two a week.

If your hotel doesn’t have a club level (or if you don’t have the status yet to get in), see if it has a manager’s reception. These are not at all uncommon (I stayed at a Homewood Suites in a Nashville suburb for that had one nightly). You can snack a bit, get some free liquor and meet the other road warriers who live the way you do.

3. Seek open spaces
You don’t have to work in your room. Instead of holing up in your cave, take your laptop down to the lobby — it has all those seats for a reason. Listen to the piano player while you peck away. Or, sit by the pool. Just being around people will help you remember that they exist.

For many professionals, confidentiality is a concern, but don’t let this become an excuse. Find a seat with your back to a wall, and you should be fine.

4. Take your client out
Yes, this is like volunteering for more work, but you’ll get something out of it. In addition to maintaining some human contact, you’ll strengthen your business relationship. Forego big team dinners in favor of one-on-ones where you can get to know each other. Just be careful not to get too chummy: it’s a business relationship first.

5. Check out the local color
If you’re on a long-term assignment, join a local gym instead of using the one at the hotel. Hit Craigslist to see if there are any groups around that share your interests. At first, you’ll be plagued by the nagging thought, “But, I’d have to drive (or walk or take the subway) to go.” Think about what home life is like for a normal person, though. You leave the house all the time. It shouldn’t be any different because you’re in a hotel.

Local networking groups can be a great outlet. You’ll meet people who want to be met, and you’ll further your career … all while keeping yourself from going nuts.

6. Find a friend of a friend
You may not know anyone where you’re going, but there’s a decent chance you know someone who does. Ask around. A friend of a friend can help you get oriented and give you an occasional buddy for dinners and drinks. It may be awkward at first, but that will go away. In the end, you’ll make a new friend, and you’ll get the hell out of your room for a while.

7. Meetups and tweetups
The internet can be useful. I’m always seeing traffic on Twitter for various get-togethers. Poke around. Also, cruise LinkedIn (if your mindset is professional) and Facebook (if it’s not). There’s always something going on in just about every city, and social media can make it pretty easy to find something that will turn you on.

8. Treat yourself to a spa experience
Chances are you need it anyway. Line up a massage one evening, and enjoy human contact of the most relaxing kind. Sit in a hot tub for a few minutes afterward. Then, go back to the drudgery of solo business travel at least somewhat refreshed.

Beer bath isn’t what it was in college

by Tom Johansmeyer on

You know how a case of beer can make you feel great? Well, this concept takes on a new meaning in the Czech Republic.

There’s a difference between wading into a bathtub full of Natty Light and enjoying an unusual spa treatment in the Czech Republic. In Chodova Plana, a beer town close to Czech spa destinations, you can enjoy beer-based treatments at the Hotel U Sladka‘s spa. Half a dozen tubs form a human six-pack of relaxation. Don’t worry, this brew is served warm.

The beer poured into hot tubs for this unique experience is blended with herbs, mineral water, yeast and hops. The goal is to rejuvenate your skin, improve blood circulation and give you a bit of mental relief.

Beer, beer everywhere, and not a drop to drink? Not quite …

While you’re in the midst of a 20-minute soak, the spa attendant will bring you a glass of beer (cool, unlike that around you) to sip while you unwind.