Wearing your stealth secret sound amplifier, you board the flight (finally!), stow the bag in the overhead bin directly above your seat (YES!), stash the reading material and the bottle of water in the seat-back pocket in front of you (you did remember the bottle of water, didn't you?) and breathe a sigh of relief because miracle upon miracles, there is no one seated in the seat beside you. Smiling, you think to yourself that this flight might not be so bad afterall. But then, you begin to feel anxious, as a long line of passengers slowly begin filing past your seat. While you hold your breath, chanting to yourself, please don't sit by me, please don't sit by me, you are unable to concentrate on the bug vacuum pictured in the Skymall magazine that your fingers are now flipping through, as you continue chanting, please don't sit by me, please don't sit by me, please don't sit by me.

Ross Wolinsky wrote on Cracked.com about the 5 most ridiculous things to buy in the Skymall catalog (and Jamie later wrote about here on Gadling), which forced me to ask the question: are the items offered for sale inside the catalog really all that ridiculous...or are they just plain genius? One of the "ridiculous" things Wolinsky wrote about didn't seem all that ridiculous to me. I mean what's so ridiculous about the stealth secret sound amplifier? Personally, I find it to be intriguing. And I wonder, does it really work? Because if it does, I wouldn't mind owning one. And if you owned one, too, you could sit in your uncomfortable seat in coach and focus on all the racy things being said behind the closed curtain in the back galley, instead of on the seatmate who, right before the aircraft door was shut, plopped down in the seat beside you. Thirsty? You can ask me for a Coke without ever having to ring your call light, or leave your seat, and I'd be able to ask you if you'd like ice with that Coke, and we'd all be happy. Like the good ole days.

I admit, I took the SkyMall catalog with me when I left the Southwest Airlines plane after my last flight. I had grand plans to find something useful or something unusual to write about by pouring through its pages. I got busy.

Then, today, Grant tossed out this link to "The 5 Most Ridiculous SkyMall Products Money Can Buy" at Cracked.com, and after I finished laughing, I unpacked the catalog from my daypack. I looked through it before, but I became curious once again. Cracked.com found some winners. I could use the Hula Chair myself--maybe.

What has caught my attention with this page turning session is the Motion Sickness Relief Wrist Band found in the left-hand column on page 41. On Tuesday I went to Kings Island with my daughter, eight of her friends, my husband, son and another family. I took one too many roller coaster rides and felt woozy all day yesterday. Could this wrist band have helped?

If there is one vivid sign that the Western civilization is crumbling, it must be the annoying in-flight catalogs. Have you ever paged through those things? I know Justin has. I don't care how bored you were stuck in an uncomfortable seat, please explain to me why anyone would actually buy that crap.

I appreciate the fact that the genius of America's best and brightest inventors is now within reach in the seat pocket in front of you but who honestly wants to "pilot the world's first flying winged robot with The WowWee remote-controlled dragonfly" for $49,95? Or the runaway alarm clock that rolls away and hides when you hit its snooze button? The radio frequency golf ball finder? The wireless speaker lamp? The million-germ-eliminating travel toothbrush sanitizer? I could go on but I don't want to give it all away. Next time you fly, you can entertain yourself for hours.

These catalogs are actually a very educational source of cultural insight for tourists traveling to the US. Sure, hit them right up with the endless opportunities to shop before they even land in the land of plenty. Even if they resist, they will at least understand why Americans need big houses. I mean, you can't possibly fit "Basho the Sumo Wrestler" Sculpture and Glass-Topped Table in a one-bedroom apartment now, could you.

Oh how I love SkyMall. I've never purchased anything from the magazine, of course, but it provides literally minutes of entertainment on a long, boring flight. For some reason, I can never resist flipping through the pages at least once, even though I'm absolutely certain I will never purchase a single thing found inside.

The folks over at YumSugar.com skimmed through the pages and picked out the wackiest food-related products, including one of my favorites: the Fiesta Station Buffet. Nothing says "authentic" like a lime-green cart built specifically for housing the contents required to build a taco. I always picture a dinner party: Husband and wife walk into the kitchen. Husband: "Honey, are we at a Mexican restau--oh, no, it's one of those taco stations from SkyMall. How authentic! I thought we were at a Mexican restaurant!"

YumSugar did a great job picking out the idiotic items, but they forgot one -- another personal favorite of mine: the Pop-up Hot Dog Cooker. The description reads: "Operating much like a pop-up toaster, this unique kitchen appliance lets you easily prepare two hot dogs (complete with toasted buns) in minutes." You know, as opposed to the hours and hours normally required to cook a hot dog.

Foodie Stuff Found in the SkyMall Catalog at YumSugar