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Judge to Mom: 'You Don't Spank Children' {ParentDish}
Jun 21st 2011 2:50PM First, leaving marks is more than spanking. A swat through a two-yr.-old's diaper shouldn't leave marks.
Second, spanking is not necessary to raise well-behaved kids. It is far more about the frustration of the parent than the behavior of the child.
Third, every generation bemoans "kids today," and from the kids I know, through my own kids' schools, most of them are wonderful, caring, engaged citizens.
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 10:30AM EmmaGrace, my almost 16-yr.-old Chinese daughter also loved this article - she's the one who sent it to me!!!
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 10:22AM Trust me, people ask these questions. My oldest child is almost 16, and when she was baby, I got incredibly intrusive questions and comments. Always accompanied by "She's so cute!" I did not respond rudely - and neither would this author - these are the comments you wish you could say but know better. This is not meant to be a tutorial, for heavens' sake!!!
As said daughter, and subsequently her sister, got old enough enough to understand what was being asked, my answers changed. I could no longer answer on my own, I had to model appropriate answers for them. The biggest lesson was the difference between secrecy and privacy - helping them understand that even though nothing about their adoptions was secret within our family, they have every right to keep private any and all information that THEY are not comfortable sharing.
They are teens now, and not only are they very funny, polite, delightful girls whom other adults rave about, they have a very healthy sense of both who they are and why people are curious.
Perspective is everything.
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 10:15AM Jill, it was a joke. Lighten up! No one uses these responses - but as your children get older, you'll find yourself, at least once, wondering why on earth the stranger in the grocery line thinks it is OK to ask questions about your child's birthfamily, in front of your child.
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 10:12AM AJ, I get your comment about the hair - the thing is, would the person asking to touch it feel free to ask the same thing of an African American mom and her child, or did the person see the kid as available for curiosity-seekers simply because she obviously adopted? What is frustrating to us adoptive parents is that people don't seem to respect the same boundaries with us as they do with other people. I don't ask new moms how much of their hospitalization was covered by insurance, yet people found it acceptable to ask me how much my baby cost. I always answered that I did not pay for my baby, but that the legal and adoptive services added up to about the same as hospital birth, just without the insurance. I was not disrespectful, and I tried to educate. But on the inside, I was usually thinking, "And what the heck business is it of yours?!"
I tried to remember that people mostly mean well, and were possibly genuinely interested in pursuing adoption, so tried to be helpful. But I encountered lots of people who were nothing more than curious, and who felt it was acceptable to pry into my family's business in a way they would never do with a new parent who's child was not obviously adopted, because they would see it as rude.
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 10:00AM Did you look at her and say, "WHAT?! Oh my God!" with panic on your face?? ;->
One of my good friends has an Ethiopian son - she's had a couple of doozies already, and he's only a year old!
My kids (Asian) came home as babies and are now teenagers. My oldest daughter caught a man staring at us just a couple of weeks ago as we entered a building - he wasn't even trying to hide his curiosity. It doesn't happen NEARLY as much as it did when they were little, so I ignored it. But my drama-queen teen watched him out of the corner of her eye, then suddenly stopped up short and grabbed my arm, asking me loudly, "What?!?! You're not my REAL mom??!!?" After I composed myself I patted her hand and said, "Oh, yes, I've been meaning to talk to you about that . . ." just as loudly. It was the first time she's ever done anything like that in public, and I was actually proud of her for taking control of the situation - even if it was in an, um, unconventional teen sort of way! We've laughed about it several times since.
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 9:52AM Kelly, I got the English question, too - not did she understand it, but did she speak it - my daughter was 5 months old at the time. I chuckled and said to the person, "I guess we'll find out when she says her first words!" She realized then what a silly thing she'd said, and laughed and apologized.
I don't believe ANY of us would actually use the answers in this article - but it is nice to know we are not alone in being the 'victim' of unthinking interrogations!
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 9:48AM
As an adoptive parent, I can tell you that I have been asked some
version of almost all of those questions. When a friend or someone
who is interested in adoption OR my children (like one of their
teachers, etc.) asks some of them, it makes sense. Some of these, like the open adoption question, only become STUPID questions when they are asked by complete strangers. Context is everything.
My children and are of different races, so we're obviously an adoptive family. For some reason, especially when they were little, that compels complete strangers to feel they've been given a free pass to discuss our private family business. Even as my children got older, some of the questions posed in front of them just blew me away! I learned, when they were old enough to understand the questions, to pointedly defer to my kids - "Honey, would you like tell your story, or would you prefer to keep it private?" At which point most people would get the point and apologize for intruding.
I always did it nicely, and mostly I tried to keep a sense of humor and aimed to educate, deferring to the assumption that there was no malicious intent.
That being said, though - I had to answer in the way that I felt most
benefited/protected my kids, and I had to model appropriate responses.
Being able to laugh about it is key - and that is the point of the
article.
Stupid Questions People Ask Adoptive Parents, and Our Smartass Answers {ParentDish}
Feb 6th 2011 9:44AM Geez, Jeff - the article was a JOKE. As an adoptive parent, I know darned well that the author(s) did not actually wish the person dead, nor did they actually SAY what they wrote here. It is the kind of humor that allows us adoptive families to keep a healthy perspective by laughing together. None of us would wish anyone out of existence, but it is comforting to know that none of us is alone in having to field really dumb questions - OR personal questions from strangers - as we navigate the world of adoptive parenting. Lighten up, and learn to recognize a joke a when you see one.
Single Ladies, Not Just for the Ladies? Little Boys Give it a Go {ParentDish}
Jan 23rd 2011 6:26PM I'm torn on this one - I have no problem with boys dancing any ol' way - if they are having fun, getting exercise, etc. - why should I mind? They are not dressed inappropriately like the little girls were, and it's not like they choreographed it themselves, they are merely mimicking Beyonce's dance.
BUT - it is still highly sexualized. While I understand that all dancing is sensual, I'm not sure where I'm comfortable drawing the line for young kids. They aren't partnered with anyone, doing those moves, and they aren't dressed in outfits designed to emphasize body parts, so . . . probably, I'd be OK with it. And I'd be OK with it for girls if they weren't dressed inappropriately.
