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In America's 'McFarthest' Place, Strippers And Coyote Hunting But No McDonald's
"I can go to Pierre or Sturgis, here in South Dakota," says Bierman, a farmer and rancher who lives in Glad Valley, South Dakota. "Or I can go to Dickinson or Bismarck in North Dakota."
The McDonald's in Pierre is 142 miles from her home, the Sturgis branch is 147 miles away, and the golden arches in Dickinson and Bismarck are 146 and 159 miles away respectively. According to Stephen Von Worley, an artist and scientist from California, the area between Glad Valley and Meadow, South Dakota, is the "McFarthest" place in the country, that is, the part of America that is farthest away from a McDonald's location. But there are places to eat in the area and one establishment even has strippers and coyote hunting contests.
"We're very, very rural," she says.
Bierman likes Big Macs but not enough to drive hours away to get them. Her husband wouldn't eat at a Mickey D's even if there was one across the street. When they want to go out to eat, there are two restaurants that are each about 20 miles away. There's Sparky's, a place that serves "regular American food" and is famous for its caramel nut apple pie in Isabel, a hamlet that, according to South Dakota magazine, has two farm implement dealers, a grain elevator, a medical clinic, a grocery, a hardware store and a few other businesses.
And there's Smoky's Bar & Grill, the only restaurant in tiny Meadow. A little further afield in Dupree, there's a family restaurant called the Ranch House Café and an hour away, in a place called Eagle Butte, there's a Dairy Queen, a Taco John and a gas station with a deli inside. She isn't exactly spoiled for choice, but she isn't complaining.
"We eat at home a lot," she says.
When you live in a town as small as Glad Valley, you learn not to burn bridges and Bierman was guarded when asked which place she prefers.
"I could never tell you which place I like better," she says. "That would get me in trouble around here."
If McDonald's decided to open a location in the area, would it be popular?
"I'm sure people would go there," says Cindy Longbrake, the county auditor for South Dakota's Ziebach County, which includes Glad Valley, plus the Cheyenne River Indian Reservation. "I don't make a special trip to go to McDonald's but if they opened up around here, I'd probably go sometimes."
Maybe so, but McDonald's doesn't have fully nude strippers or coyote hunting contests, as Smoky's does.
"We're an unincorporated town, so the girls can go fully nude. They don't even have to wear pasties on their breasts," says Lisa Wagner, the owner of Smoky's.
Wagner said that the place has been open on and off since the 1950's when a guy nicknamed Smoky ran the place.
"When Smoky owned this place, if you were old enough to reach the bar, you were old enough to get a drink," she says.
These days, Smoky's is known for their charbroiled burgers and steaks, and their Sunday buffet, which includes three choices of meat, a full salad bar and coffee or lemonade for $11, or $9.50 for seniors. Every so often, Wagner has strippers come in to dance and offer table and lap dances. She lives next door to the bar and says the town has six houses and a total of five residents and five dogs.
"We're down to five people because Bernie just recently left the nursing home, Renee passed away from cancer and her husband lives out at the lake now," she says. "And we have one empty house, the woman died years ago but they've haven't tried to sell it."
Wagner is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for 19 years. She doesn't mind living in a rural area but says that her daughter, who is "kind of a vegetarian" missed Taco Bell and other fast food places when they moved to the community about a decade ago. For the moment, business is decent and Wagner isn't worried about McDonald's coming in to steal her customers.
"People call ahead with their orders, so we're kind of fast food," she says. "And besides, our burgers are much better than theirs anyways."
[Photo credits: Frago on Flickr; Sparky's, Smoky's]