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A TSA Agent Answers Questions From The Community
On speeding through security checkpoints:
Be nice to officers. Don't lay it on thick, but being rude or confrontational will get you nowhere. The most often used tactic for officers looking to "win" or "beat" passengers is to slow down.
Pay attention. Especially at bigger checkpoints, look around. Many times there are lanes that have few or no passengers in them, and will not get a lot of business because people assume they are closed. Watch passengers that look like they know what they're doing and emulate them. We have officers whose job it is to stand around and advise passengers on what they need to do to get through the checkpoint quickly. Pay attention to what they're saying, they really are just there to help you.
They're rollerbags with a hardcase and a lock built in to the side. That is hands down your best option. Anyone with a ballpoint pen can get into a locked piece of luggage and zip it up again without you ever knowing. YouTube it and you'll see. But still, I'd put a lock on any checked bag. People besides TSA officers handle your luggage, people far less scrupulous than us, and I mean ... you don't want to just invite them to go through your stuff.On TSA officers stealing:
On behind-the-scenes "shenanigans":
Officers do steal stuff. Officers are, unfortunately, people, too. Not every person in the world is honest and scrupulous. I know of half a dozen officers who were caught stealing, and it's usually stupid because it's a fire-able offense. You get caught and they pull your badge on the spot.
So personally, I don't get it. Even part timers are making like 400 a paycheck...you try to grab an ipod, or even 40 bucks out of someone's bin...one paycheck later you're out way more money than you would have gotten from it. Morality aside...it's just bad math.
I wouldn't say there's really a 'behind the scenes' on a passenger checkpoint, but a lot of officers screw around right under passengers noses, and whether or not we get away with it, we believe we do. The sad truth is that in order to maintain staffing to be responsive to rushes there are often times when too many of us around with nothing to do.
We know people say TSA stands for Thousands Standing Around.
At one of my...less professional moments, it was slow and I took a pair of rubber gloves, rolled them into a tight ball and was playing catch with another officer across two lanes. I threw him the ball, and he missed the catch, it bounced off his fingertips and hit an old lady in the head. No one got caught, but that's what I'm talking about.
Something about Idleness and the devil...
On the stereotypes that agents are useless or have no other career options:
Honestly 99.9% (or more) of the people we interact with on any given day don't mind or understand that we're a 'necessary evil.' Regular business travelers tolerate us and appreciate when we're not jerkbags. If you go online and read the complaints about TSA, understand that they really are a vocal minority.I don't mind. In fact I went to school for Civil Engineering but once I got into the real world I realized it wasn't what I wanted to do. Rather than going back to school (and spending a lot more money) I did this. The fact is the pay really is good (I make about 40k a year), with good benefits, and requires little previous experience.
On missing weapons or dangerous items in security checks:
Take a razorblade. Or a long, thin sawblade like what got through security in that Mythbusters. Turn it on end so you're looking down at the edger of the blade.
Not a lot there to look at.
I hope that helps you imagine how such a thing could be missed..in fact we often catch small pocket knives and the passenger tells us that it has been through half a dozen or more airports without being caught.
On the weirdest items he's confiscated:
On celebrity pat-downs:
I was around for the liquid scare in 2006. That was pretty crazy. We had these huge garbage bins out by the queues before you even got to the checkpoint, and officers up on the mezzanine with bullhorns just repeating the same things over and over again.
Those bins got filled and emptied countless times during the day...EVERY liquid was thrown in them: expensive perfumes, eye contacts in their little foil packs, baby food. The passengers did it willingly before we even looked in their bags. And very few people complained. Everyone was scared...the threat was real and close.
Other than that...I dunno, there are a ton of things. Some old guy, probably in his 80s, had a sword cane. Said he had it for years, never realized there was a sword in it. He was shocked.
So I don't get to pat down attractive women. I've never woken up in the morning hoping I get to pat down some Abercrombie model. However from a technical standpoint, it is easier to pat down someone who is physically fit rather than someone who is overweight or obese.
On my third day of work, I was brand new, wide eyed stupid, I had to pat down Will Ferrell. It was weird for me...he didn't seem to mind. I've also had to pat down a number of NFL players, because of their size they often wear baggy clothing.
Generally celebrities do their best to remain inconspicuous and when I recognize a passenger as a celebrity, I do my best to remain professional treat them the same as everyone else. In the situation I believe that's what they prefer.
I did meet Alan Tudyk...and I'm a huge fan. I told him so.