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Why Do I Continue To Patronize Crap 'Mexican' Restaurants Around The World?
I love Mexican food. In fact, I love it so much that I keep getting suckered into eating at "Mexican" restaurants with about as many Mexicans as there are Peugeot dealerships in Alabama. I've patronized "Mexican" restaurants in places like Newfoundland, Big Fork, Montana, Budapest and Macedonia in order to have a break from the monotony of the local cuisine and because I love Mexican food. But my experiences have ranged from appalling to mediocre.Yet somehow I never learn my lesson and yesterday I found myself having lunch at Picasso, a Mexican restaurant on the Greek island of Naxos that claims to cook "extraordinary Mexican food." After nearly a month in Greece, eating out at Greek places almost every day, I practically have skewers of souvlaki growing out of my ears, so when I read in the Lonely Planet Guide to the Greek Islands that this place had "world class" Mexican food, I wanted very much to believe it.
The place also has rave reviews on Trip Advisor, though in fairness, most of those folks are European and, let's face it, most Europeans wouldn't know a good burrito if it smacked them in the face. Folks, we're talking about a "Mexican" restaurant that plays flamenco music, is named after a Spanish painter and is owned by a Greek guy. I should have known better.
We started out with a plate of chips and salsa, which cost the equivalent of $5.35, or about what I'm used to paying for a burrito at home in a hole-in-the-wall type place. Chips and salsa should be free, but if you're going to charge for it, it had better be damn good and this wasn't – it was just a big blob of massive chunks of tomato with some other stuff thrown in.
My wife and I both ordered enchiladas and the first thing I noticed when it arrived was that there were no enchiladas; there was just an enchilada, as in one, which looked suspiciously like a burrito. It had no sauce on top, but rather just some hunks of tomato inside the thing. It was completely dry and flavorless, and cost the equivalent of $15. It came with a tiny side of rice and beans that was actually a pile of rice with about six or seven lonely little black beans sprinkled inside.
But as aggressively mediocre as that experience was, it wasn't my worst Mexican meal ever – not by a long shot. In fact, I've been to at least three other "Mexican" restaurants around the world that were significantly worse. Once, my wife and I convinced ourselves that we should try a "Mexican" restaurant in St. John's, Newfoundland, one of the whitest, least Mexican places on earth, based on the strength of a magazine article posted outside the place.
The place had been named the best Mexican restaurant in Newfoundland by a local magazine, but we later found out that it was also the only Mexican restaurant in Newfoundland, which, at least in my eyes, diminished the stature of the award just a touch. We had to explain to the waitress, who, in fairness to her, said it was her first day on the job, what the difference between nachos and chips and salsa was.
After about an hour wait, she brought us a couple of burritos that looked like someone had vomited on them, and for all we know, perhaps someone had (likely another diner).
We lived in Macedonia for two years, about a decade ago, and there was a sad little "Mexican" restaurant in a strip mall in the Kapistec neighborhood that served Doritos and had no real tortillas or anything else resembling "Mexican" food. I'm quite certain we were the only patrons they ever had and we only went there occasionally just to have a laugh.
But if I had to give an award for worst Mexican restaurant it would go to a place I was almost thrown out of a couple years ago – an all-gringo "Mexican" place in Big Fork, Montana, near Glacier National Park. I ordered an enchilada-style burrito with red sauce on it for takeaway and it was easily the most revolting dish I've ever seen in my life.
It was absolutely swimming in a nasty ketchup-like red sauce, and even after I drained the Styrofoam container into the toilet, the tortilla itself was disgustingly wet and soggy. The chicken was grisly, dark meat and after two bites, I just couldn't do it. I brought it back, more just to let them know how bad it was than to secure a refund, but when the young lady gently insisted I try something else, I acquiesced.
I sat and waited a half hour for them to make me some fajitas and then when they were ready, the young lady wanted to charge me for both the burrito and the fajitas, albeit with a 50 percent discount on the burrito. I took one look at the dodgy looking fajitas and told her no thanks, and then the owner came out and berated me.
"We've been in business for seven years and you're only the third person that's sent a dish back," he yelled. "Now if you don't like our food you can just get the hell out of here!"
And he was serious too! I left a negative review for the restaurant on Trip Advisor, and the owner sent me a private message stating that he was "sorry, very sorry." It was an interesting approach to customer service, to say the least.
Now, at this point, you're probably thinking I'm a hardcore foodie snob, who only likes the very best, most authentic Mexican food. I'm actually not that picky; in fact, I love eating out in Mexico, but I also like the chain burrito joints like Baja Fresh, Chipotle and so on.
After this latest Mexican food debacle in Greece, I have a new rule of thumb: if you're looking for good Mexican food, take a look around. Are there any Mexican people within a 100-mile radius? No? Well then, why they hell are you eating in a "Mexican" restaurant? There are some non-Mexicans capable of making great Mexican food and there are some Mexicans who can't cook to save their lives, but from now on, I'll stick to the local cuisine wherever I am – no matter how tiresome it may be.
UPDATE 6/21: Today I passed a "Mexican" restaurant in Santorini called Senor Zorbas, which advertised All You Can Eat BBQ Ribs. And I didn't even stop, except to take this photo. Now that's progress.
We started out with a plate of chips and salsa, which cost the equivalent of $5.35, or about what I'm used to paying for a burrito at home in a hole-in-the-wall type place. Chips and salsa should be free, but if you're going to charge for it, it had better be damn good and this wasn't – it was just a big blob of massive chunks of tomato with some other stuff thrown in.
My wife and I both ordered enchiladas and the first thing I noticed when it arrived was that there were no enchiladas; there was just an enchilada, as in one, which looked suspiciously like a burrito. It had no sauce on top, but rather just some hunks of tomato inside the thing. It was completely dry and flavorless, and cost the equivalent of $15. It came with a tiny side of rice and beans that was actually a pile of rice with about six or seven lonely little black beans sprinkled inside.
But as aggressively mediocre as that experience was, it wasn't my worst Mexican meal ever – not by a long shot. In fact, I've been to at least three other "Mexican" restaurants around the world that were significantly worse. Once, my wife and I convinced ourselves that we should try a "Mexican" restaurant in St. John's, Newfoundland, one of the whitest, least Mexican places on earth, based on the strength of a magazine article posted outside the place.
The place had been named the best Mexican restaurant in Newfoundland by a local magazine, but we later found out that it was also the only Mexican restaurant in Newfoundland, which, at least in my eyes, diminished the stature of the award just a touch. We had to explain to the waitress, who, in fairness to her, said it was her first day on the job, what the difference between nachos and chips and salsa was.
After about an hour wait, she brought us a couple of burritos that looked like someone had vomited on them, and for all we know, perhaps someone had (likely another diner).
We lived in Macedonia for two years, about a decade ago, and there was a sad little "Mexican" restaurant in a strip mall in the Kapistec neighborhood that served Doritos and had no real tortillas or anything else resembling "Mexican" food. I'm quite certain we were the only patrons they ever had and we only went there occasionally just to have a laugh.
But if I had to give an award for worst Mexican restaurant it would go to a place I was almost thrown out of a couple years ago – an all-gringo "Mexican" place in Big Fork, Montana, near Glacier National Park. I ordered an enchilada-style burrito with red sauce on it for takeaway and it was easily the most revolting dish I've ever seen in my life.
It was absolutely swimming in a nasty ketchup-like red sauce, and even after I drained the Styrofoam container into the toilet, the tortilla itself was disgustingly wet and soggy. The chicken was grisly, dark meat and after two bites, I just couldn't do it. I brought it back, more just to let them know how bad it was than to secure a refund, but when the young lady gently insisted I try something else, I acquiesced.
I sat and waited a half hour for them to make me some fajitas and then when they were ready, the young lady wanted to charge me for both the burrito and the fajitas, albeit with a 50 percent discount on the burrito. I took one look at the dodgy looking fajitas and told her no thanks, and then the owner came out and berated me.
"We've been in business for seven years and you're only the third person that's sent a dish back," he yelled. "Now if you don't like our food you can just get the hell out of here!"
And he was serious too! I left a negative review for the restaurant on Trip Advisor, and the owner sent me a private message stating that he was "sorry, very sorry." It was an interesting approach to customer service, to say the least.
Now, at this point, you're probably thinking I'm a hardcore foodie snob, who only likes the very best, most authentic Mexican food. I'm actually not that picky; in fact, I love eating out in Mexico, but I also like the chain burrito joints like Baja Fresh, Chipotle and so on.
After this latest Mexican food debacle in Greece, I have a new rule of thumb: if you're looking for good Mexican food, take a look around. Are there any Mexican people within a 100-mile radius? No? Well then, why they hell are you eating in a "Mexican" restaurant? There are some non-Mexicans capable of making great Mexican food and there are some Mexicans who can't cook to save their lives, but from now on, I'll stick to the local cuisine wherever I am – no matter how tiresome it may be.
UPDATE 6/21: Today I passed a "Mexican" restaurant in Santorini called Senor Zorbas, which advertised All You Can Eat BBQ Ribs. And I didn't even stop, except to take this photo. Now that's progress. Filed under: Food and Drink, Europe, North America, United States
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 2)
Rosec897 Jun 24th 2012 1:53PM
There is a fantastic taco truck at Post and Washington St. in Indianapolis. They have a couple of cute kids in school uniforms (studying not working) and serve the only "tongue" taco around. They even got a couple of items that I'm too much of a gringo to try! My son who has traveled extensively can't get enough of the tongue tacos! PS The prices are reasonable and all seating is outdoors.
Chris Jun 24th 2012 5:20PM
Interestingly, I've experienced the very same frustrations right here in the U.S. of A. Growing up in SoCal and Phoenix, I thought I knew good Mexican food, but I was disappointed with the Mexican dishes I tried in Texas and New Mexico--states which are also known for their Mexican cuisine. Some things are simply a matter of familiarity. Additionally, the foods in Mexico can vary significantly by region, much like here in the U.S. (Think of lobster and clam chowder of Maine, fried chicken and grits of the South, the Cajun/Creole influences of Louisina, TexMex, etc.) California borders the Mexican state of Baja (seafood/fish tacos), AZ borders the Mex state of Sonora (FLOUR tortillas and beef), TX borders the Mex state of Chihuahua (CORN tortillas and pork), and so those neighboring U.S. states are influenced accordingly. Many of the tropical dishes of Mexico's Carribean side are seldom found in the U.S., or else they're presented as Cuban and Puerto Rican cuisine. Oh, and once in Mexico City I was surprised that the restaurant menus there listed only entrees that I had previously considered to be American fare: salmon, prime rib, filet minon, roasted chicken, pork chops, etc.; but no tacos/enchiladas/chips & salsa, LOL. I now live in Kansas and have had to learn how to make my own flour tortillas because I can't get any good ones here. Further, what passes for salsa in some of the Mexican restaurants here is what I call catsup back home. Older Midwesterners like their food bland and they "don't cotton to none of that foreign stuff like eye-talian lasagna and oriental chop suey!" A younger generation, however, is demanding more variety and authenticity of ethnic foods. We do have some Mex restaurant chains here, which are okay, but I do miss the hole-in-the-wall dives of the Southwest.
MICHELE Jun 24th 2012 5:25PM
ON TRAVELING TO NORTHERN MINN., MY PARENTS AND I STOPPED FOR LUNCH AT A MEXICAN PLACE, THAT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MINN. I ORDERED A TACO SALAD, THAT HAD A LG. MOUND OF WHITE STUFF IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. THINKING IT WAS SOUR CREAM I SPREAD IT ALL AROUND MY TACO SALAD, THINKING YUM, THIS WAS GOING TO BE GOOD. TO THE UTTER HORROR OF MY TASTE BUDS, IT WAS MAYO, WHO PUTS MAYO ON A TACO SALAD. I CAN'T STAND MAYO, AND THE MEXICAN PLACE WOULDN'T REFUND OR REPLACE MY ORDER.
YES, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER, BUT AFTER 10 YEARS OF BEING AWAY FROM MINN. I THOUGHT THEY HAD GOTTEN IT TOGETHER ON SOME OF ITS NEW FOOD CHOICES, AS BEFORE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND TACO JOINTS, PIZZIA PLACES AND SUCH THERE.
MY TASTE BUDS LEARNED A LESSON THAT DAY, STICK TO LOCAL FARE, AND HAVE A DECENT MEAL.
Arianwen Jun 28th 2012 12:07PM
Hmmmm. I just happen to be going out for a Mexican meal tonight...in London. One thing I can say is that in 6 years here I've had plenty of plates of nachos and only once were they not your bog standard crisp-style alternative. There must be a huge market across the globe for people who know how to cook the real deal!
Gaby Jun 28th 2012 4:43PM
I completely empathize. As a Mexican who has traveled a great deal abroad, I have tried Mexican restaurants all over Europe and Asia with the same hope. I even considered opening one in India since TGI Fridays there is named the best Mexican restaurant in the country and MCDonald's even has some "Mexican" dishes. They've really set the bar high there. The only thing is that the kind of burritos you're talking about aren't really Mexican. They're Tex-Mex. Mexican restaurants in the US serve them because Americans like them and have come to expect them on the menu. Also, serving tortilla chips and salsa is also an American thing--it would be the equivalent of serving chips and ketchup at an American restaurant in another country. Do I like this American tradition? Sure, but just to be clear, it's not Mexican.
As for the dude who went to Cabo--nothing about Cabo is Mexican except the people cleaning your toilets, serving you, and selling you overpriced items and services. The food in Cabo especially in the tourist areas is disgusting. I am Mexican and my parents and I tried to find a Mexican restaurant with local dishes but it doesn't exist because all the people in Cabo who have restaurants that serve tourists are Mexicans from other parts of Mexico (especially Mexico City)who know nothing about the local culture OR they are foreigners. Most of Cabo is owned by foreigners--primarily Americans who think it's cheap to live well there but overlook the fact that they are doing it at a high cost to the locals. The local people who wait on you hand in foot at these resorts get paid less than 5 dollars a day at the most luxurious resorts which wouldn't be a problem except that the prices for basic necessities like food and medicine are the same as in the U.S.--explain to me how that is equitable? That's why everything is overpriced. Finally, the fact that you are basing your dislike for food on one experience to one of the most Westernized parts of Mexico means that you are truly lacking knowledge about the Mexican culture and cuisine--yes, it is a cuisine and it is very similar to India's in that every state and region has it's own dishes or did you miss that part about Indian cuisine as well?