We all have our own body issues. For some, they wish they were thinner. For others, acne causes constant embarrassment. However, two issues stand out as the most traumatizing: small butts and excessive sweating. Flat-butted women have long suffered from Droopy Pants Complex, an affliction that has flummoxed scientists for minutes. Women who sweat are forced to hide their armpits under sweaters, jackets, shrugs and housecoats. This strategy only leads to more sweating through a process called "Layered Armpit Dampness." Thankfully, the experts here at SkyMall Monday labs have been researching two products dedicated to curing these awful afflictions. With the help of those selfless philanthropists at SkyMall, perhaps we can finally put to rest these two nightmares. But, which product is the most useful, the Magic Derriere Enhancing Panty or Clothing Shields? Read on to find out.

We pored over these two products for as long as it took to read their product descriptions in the SkyMall catalog on a flight home from South Florida. In that time, we made many amusing observations stunning discoveries. We are now prepared to release our results are share our findings with the scientific community.