Relief: Four airport perks coming soon

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Four new perks coming soon at your airport?
1. While being radiated at the naked body scanner machine, a puff of air will shoot up your legs and crotch, sort of a scratch and sniff test, to see if you're loaded up with explosives.
2. While being frisked by a large black woman with an attitude, the second minimum wage TSA worker will be shining a lazer into your eyeball trying to get an iris scan.
3. While walking through the magnetic beeper 6 times, each time taking more of your clothes off, the TSA workers will be taking side bets to see if you are left with only your underwear or shoes. Or if it's a guy, is he sporting a woody.
4. And finally after getting through the security idiots, you are boarded onto the plane, the cockpit door is open, and flying the 767 jet is a young kid no older than your teenage son, who looks stoned and is making a salary less than the assistant manager at McDonald's.

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