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SkyMall Monday: Brobdingnagian Sports Chair
With summer in full swing, we're all busy attending picnics, parades, baseball games and Renaissance fairs. The problem at all of those events, of course, is seating. Not just whether or not there will be a place to sit, but if that seating is deserving off housing your very important buttocks. You're a big deal. Sitting on the grass simply is not an option for you. Using the provided seats is an insult. Bleachers? Bleachers are for average people. You're special. You're better than the riff raff waiting in line for corn dogs and funnel cakes. You have your corn dogs and funnel cakes delivered directly to you. You're not part of the hoi polloi who wallow in their own peanut shell fragments. No, you're above all that. And now you can physically be above it all. Thanks to SkyMall, you can elevate your stature and your person to show the masses that you are better than they could ever hope to be while also obstructing the view of those idiots who thought they had a right see anything. The next time you're heading to that jousting tournament or checking out a double rainbow, be sure to pack your enormous Brobdingnagian Sports Chair.Big chairs deserve big names. Brobdingnagian is from Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels and refers to a land of giants. See, you're learning. Now, the word is just used to describe stuff that is abnormally large. Not that there's anything abnormal about a chair that allows your feet dangle above the ground makes you look like Edith Ann from Sesame Street. It's perfectly acceptable to set up shop in a gigantic chair in public. It's your right.
Think that such a large chair that blocks other people's views is rude? Believe that a blanket on the grass is the only true way to view an outdoor event? Well, if you could stop picking ants out of your food for a minute, maybe you'd be able to read the product description:
No longer must you surround yourself with the idiots you call neighbors. Show them that they're just peasants by kicking them with your dangling feet and dropping deep fried Oreo crumbs on their heads. You're special. You're somebody. You're the owner of the Brobdingnagian Sports Chair.
Think that such a large chair that blocks other people's views is rude? Believe that a blanket on the grass is the only true way to view an outdoor event? Well, if you could stop picking ants out of your food for a minute, maybe you'd be able to read the product description:
With nine square feet of seat space and security up to 400 pounds, you can keep those corn dogs and funnel cakes coming well into Rascal Flatts' third encore. As for the full-body gesticulations, I suppose the chair is large enough to invite of a friend up to join you. I worry about the chafing, though.This is the portable chair that elevates your physical stature at any outdoor event. Measuring 5-1/2' tall, the chair is certain to provide stadium seating at any venue, and its 9' sq. seat affords ample room for fullbody gesticulations. The lofty seat elevates feet well above the ground, where they're free to dangle and sway. The reinforced powder-coated steel frame and 400-denier rip-stop canvas support up to 400 lbs.
No longer must you surround yourself with the idiots you call neighbors. Show them that they're just peasants by kicking them with your dangling feet and dropping deep fried Oreo crumbs on their heads. You're special. You're somebody. You're the owner of the Brobdingnagian Sports Chair.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Sherry Jul 19th 2010 1:18PM
The six cup holders are perfect for a party of Lilliputians.
Mike Barish Jul 19th 2010 1:18PM
Well played.
Frank Jul 20th 2010 6:38PM
Edith Ann was NOT from Sesame Street. She was one of several charectors created and performed by Lili Tomlin on the tv show, " Laugh In."
Trying to use that size mammoth chair at events in some parts of the country is a good way to wind up in a world of hurt.
Mike Barish Jul 20th 2010 6:39PM
Ms. Tomlin played the character often on Sesame Street and the link is to a video of one such instance.
Frank Jul 20th 2010 8:09PM
Hey Mike, you're right and as the video shows, Lili Tomlin did perform Edith Ann on Sesame Street. Because she did, doen't make her a Sesame Street charector, like Cookie Monster, Kermit, etc. Don't mean to split hairs but, I've been to Fenway Park, that doesn't make me a Red Sox fan. :)
methadras Nov 7th 2010 2:26AM
When I first saw 'product' this on a flight from San Fransisco to San Diego, I laughed out so loud that I made two babies cry 4 rows behind me and woke up a couple of people that got pissed off at me. Not to mention, I got a stern look from the 'steward' as he walked by to see what the disturbance in the force caused.
I always wonder about the things people don't consider. For example, what is that male model sitting in that chair thinking when the photographer told him that this is his lucky day:
Photographer: Guess what? You get to sit in that giant douche chair right over there.
Model: Uh, that doesn't look right. That chair is huge.
Photographer: uh-huh. It's massive, but you have to go sit in it and look like you enjoy it.
Model: Seriously? Who the fuck buys this stupid shit?
Photographer: Yeah, I know, now go over and sit in it. Yeah, that's it. Oh, okay, now put your arm up on the armrest just like so, uh, oh, yeah, just like that.
Model: Dude, this is really uncomfortable and my arm barely fits on this giant armrest. It's falling off all the time.
Photographer: Yeah, I know. You look really douchey in it. Okay, look over to your left like you just saw something even douchy-er than you how you look right now and give me a big fat smile. YEAH!!! That's it.
Model: I fucking hate you skymall and your crappy stuff.