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The tourist vs. traveler one-upmanship game
Forget beautiful sights and friendly locals, the real joy of travel is proving you're a rugged, independent traveler and the rest of the backpackers at your whites-only youth hostel are simple tourists. Here's a game you can play to determine which of your Automatic disqualifiers
* Going with a package tour
* Staying at a hotel with more than one star
* Having anything other than a backpack as luggage
Points
* Using the Lonely Planet: zero points (everyone else does)
* Not using the Lonely Planet: -10 points
* Traveling third class to save a dollar: +10 points
* Spending an extra two bucks to travel in first class: -10 points
* Hitching: +15 points
* Having a cool piece of gear nobody else does: +5 points
* Not giving to beggars: +5 points
* Shouting at beggars: +15 points
* Not buying something you really want because you couldn't haggle the price down another three cents: +5 points
* Lecturing a fellow foreigner with material you learned from the Lonely Planet: +5 points
* Lecturing a local with material you learned from the Lonely Planet: +10 points
* Teaching a fellow foreigner a word in the local language: +1 per word
* Loudly correcting their pronunciation: +2 per word, +5 if you don't know them and you're shouting across a restaurant
* Dressing in traditional local clothing: +5 points
* Dressing in traditional local clothing even though everyone under 50 wears jeans and a t-shirt: +10 points
* Visiting more countries than your opponent: +1 per country
* Staying at a cheaper hostel than your opponent: +5 points
* Staying at a cheaper hostel than your opponent, and it serves awesome pizza: +10 points
* Being American: -5 points, unless you have a Canadian flag on your backpack
* Admitting your parents are paying for the trip: -5 points
Results table
You and your opponent add up your points and check the table below. If you have:
* 20 or more points than your opponent: You win!!! You're a real traveler and they're just a common tourist. You don't get to brag, though, because they're beneath your notice.
* 10 to 19 more points than your opponent: You are a real traveler and they're a wannabe traveler. Congratulations, you get the right to lecture them!
* Fewer than 10 more points than your opponent: Same as above, but don't travel with them because they might win the next time you play. Sneer, and then never speak to them again.
* Equal number of points: Invite them to travel with you and play again. Do anything you can to beat them!
* 1 to 9 points fewer than your opponent: Start lying to make up points.
* 10 to 19 points fewer than your opponent: Move out of the hostel in the middle of the night and go somewhere your opponent has already visited. That way you can start again with your reputation intact.
* 20 or more points fewer than your opponent: Hang your head in shame and book a package tour.
* 10 to 19 more points than your opponent: You are a real traveler and they're a wannabe traveler. Congratulations, you get the right to lecture them!
* Fewer than 10 more points than your opponent: Same as above, but don't travel with them because they might win the next time you play. Sneer, and then never speak to them again.
* Equal number of points: Invite them to travel with you and play again. Do anything you can to beat them!
* 1 to 9 points fewer than your opponent: Start lying to make up points.
* 10 to 19 points fewer than your opponent: Move out of the hostel in the middle of the night and go somewhere your opponent has already visited. That way you can start again with your reputation intact.
* 20 or more points fewer than your opponent: Hang your head in shame and book a package tour.
Gallery: Top Ten Strangest Hotel Guest Requests
Filed under: Budget Travel
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Miked Apr 3rd 2010 8:23PM
-5 for being American, unless you plan to pose as a Canadian......ridiculous.
Single female Apr 4th 2010 4:43AM
15 points for hitch hiking?? That's a safe thing to be teaching people. Guess those points don't really matter when something bad happens to you...
JasonCoker1 Apr 3rd 2010 9:24PM
The article is a level. Don't take it too seriously.
Wayne Apr 4th 2010 12:11AM
I'm wondering what was the purpose of the "whites only youth hostel" comment?
Shannon Apr 3rd 2010 9:43PM
This is so ridiculous! Who gets paid to do stupid crap like this? Whatever happened to getting paid to do a REAL job? Now people get paid to act stupid on you tube, blog about "celebrities" all day, and write stupid articles that aren't even real..where do I sign up? I'm tired of my REAL job that actually has meaning.
Linda Apr 3rd 2010 11:58PM
Dunbest article I ever read. Was the comment about "your whites only hostel" meant to be as racist as it reads?
Lynnia Apr 4th 2010 12:13AM
Not only is this stupid but it's racist too. They're obviously going for "european" travelers. What about traveling in China or Japan or Africa? What about going to Taiwan or Israel? I want to SEE someone Hitchiking in any of these countries. HELL let them try it in Tokyo and see how far that gets you. And wait a minute...a suitcase makes you a tourist? Then my aunt who LIVES IN FINLAND must be a tourist EVERY TIME she visits germany.
Scott Apr 4th 2010 2:06AM
I get it, I totally get it. Every time I get on a plane, I see the different "genres" of travel types. Really interesting to look at some times actually. I'm the guy with the one laptop bag with the spare undies and socks in it I wash each evening in the room's complementary creepy boutique shampoo while buying a travel axe pack for myself because I know I gotta throw it away before I can board the plane again anyway. I totally get it! Look at the luggage, it tells you everything!
How about -5 points for using a country specific GPS, then +1 point for downloading the country specific pack into pocket GPS on location by satellite modem, +5 pts for not bringing a GPS, and +10 pts for using a 1600's Christopher Columbus style map?
charles Apr 4th 2010 5:27AM
I'm not a tourist. I have travelled in many counties and stay in hotels with multiple stars and it's usually because my job sends me there.
Emily Apr 4th 2010 3:58AM
This article is everything that is wrong with traveling and travelers. Traveling as a competition? Yelling at beggars? I know this is directed towards college students who will probably think it's funny because they are immature, but I am one college student that never wants to rack up a lot of points in this game.
Emily Apr 4th 2010 3:58AM
and... "whites-only hostel"?? really?? I understand you were going for humor there, but you failed terribly. A professional writer should be able to see that.
Sean McLachlan Apr 4th 2010 4:45AM
It seems some people are suffering from an irony deficiency, as well as being calendar challenged (April 1, folks).
Candice Apr 5th 2010 4:30AM
I seriously can't believe people took this seriously. Wow.
Stephanie Apr 4th 2010 11:06PM
This article is CLEARLY tongue in cheek. Simmer down people.
Oh well, it made me laugh!
Oscar Apr 5th 2010 4:19PM
I found this article ridiculous and offensive! As the article started off by the highly offensive phrase "whites-only youth hostel", I found it hard to continue. Yet I read on hoping for a redeeming value to an article posted on AOL. Needless to say, I wasted a few minutes of my life reading this tripe that I can never recover. I am highly shocked that AOL even allowed this article in the first place.
maladroite Apr 12th 2010 1:44AM
Yeah, I get it, April Fools. That doesn't change the fact that it wasn't even a good read. Try again next year.