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10 Ways Your Cat Will Punish You for Traveling
You may love to travel, but chances are, your cat is not into it when you're gone.
If you think about it from your cat's perspective, the first time you went away, he (or she) probably thought he was being abandoned. When you came back, he was probably all snuggles and relief. Then, slowly, he realized that you pretty much always come back.
In the eyes of your cat, your absence is a minor annoyance -- which quickly becomes a major annoyance if you stay away for a long period of time. As you surely already know, if you annoy your cat, you will be punished.
So, here they are, The 10 Ways Your Cat Will Punish You for Traveling -- and how to thwart his nefarious plans.
1. Toilet paper obliteration.
Cats don't use toilet paper, but they know that you do, and they view it as an unnecessary privilege (which happens to be a lot of fun to
2. Plant consumption.
Your cat may occasionally nip at your houseplants, but if you are gone awhile, they have no qualms about chowing down on the better part of a scrumptious indoor palm. It's not about hunger, it's about getting even. Thwart him: Put your plants where he can't get them; up high or in a closed room.
3. Throwing up on your Persian rug.
Whatever your most expensive floor covering is, prepare to come home to a nice pile of vom on it. This is most often a direct result of #2, so to thwart him, follow the instruction above.
4. Pooing on your bed.
This is an act of domination. Pooping on your high thread count linens is your cat saying "Guess what? While you were gone, I was in charge. And when you get back, there gonna be some changes." Thwart him: Close your bedroom door. Does your cat really need to sleep in your bed without you? No.
5. Expensive claw-made couch modifications.
Without you there to shout, your cat is happy to claw up your fine furnishings (in peace at last). It just feels so good. Thwart him: The only way to stop your cat from doing this is to train him beforehand. Make sure you always squirt your kitty with water if you catch him clawing, then pick him up and set him in front of a scratching post. If you see him clawing the scratching post on his own, give him a treat. He'll get the idea eventually. (If he feels like it.)
6. Writing utensil chewing.
Your cat is very likely to nom on your writing utensils or anything you use regularly to ensure you will have a constant reminder of what you did wrong (left him alone). Thwart him: Put your stuff away.
7. Scoot scoot crash.
"Scoot scoot crash" is a technical term for your cat's hobby of delicately pushing everything off the table, the shelf or what-have-you. If it's not nailed down or bigger than a catbox, expect to find it on the floor. Thwart him: Nail stuff down. Just kidding; put your stuff away.
8. Finding new hiding places.
You may come home to no cat at all. Your sabbatical is a great time for him to explore the house and find new places to hide, such as inside TV stand, behind the books on the shelf or in a shoebox in your closet. In addition to hiding himself, he may also hide anything you didn't nail down in a whole new place you've never thought to look -- forget "under the couch." How amateur. Thwart him: As above, put your stuff away, and when you come home to no cat, open a can of tuna and set it on the floor. Watch to see from whence he comes. You may have to do this a couple of times in different rooms before you discover the exact location.
9. Making his toys disappear.
Your cat may punish you by being an ungrateful sourpuss, achieved by hiding all his cat toys in those new hiding places. "Where's that freaking mousie?!" may come out of your exasperated, travel-weary and cuteness-starved mouth. Thwart him: Sorry, you can't. If the cat hides his own toys, they are under the couch or lost to the universe. Somewhere, there is a dimension filled with cat toys of yore. It's physics.
10. Hatred.
In addition to hiding, your cat may behave like an absolute jerkstore when you get back; ignoring you or even hissing at you. Thwart him: Time heals all wounds. Hiss back at him and wait a day or so. You will probably never be forgiven, but kitty will be back to purring all over you like a motorboat just as soon as he forgets you were gone.
Whatever your most expensive floor covering is, prepare to come home to a nice pile of vom on it. This is most often a direct result of #2, so to thwart him, follow the instruction above.
4. Pooing on your bed.
This is an act of domination. Pooping on your high thread count linens is your cat saying "Guess what? While you were gone, I was in charge. And when you get back, there gonna be some changes." Thwart him: Close your bedroom door. Does your cat really need to sleep in your bed without you? No.
5. Expensive claw-made couch modifications.
Without you there to shout, your cat is happy to claw up your fine furnishings (in peace at last). It just feels so good. Thwart him: The only way to stop your cat from doing this is to train him beforehand. Make sure you always squirt your kitty with water if you catch him clawing, then pick him up and set him in front of a scratching post. If you see him clawing the scratching post on his own, give him a treat. He'll get the idea eventually. (If he feels like it.)
6. Writing utensil chewing.
Your cat is very likely to nom on your writing utensils or anything you use regularly to ensure you will have a constant reminder of what you did wrong (left him alone). Thwart him: Put your stuff away.
7. Scoot scoot crash.
"Scoot scoot crash" is a technical term for your cat's hobby of delicately pushing everything off the table, the shelf or what-have-you. If it's not nailed down or bigger than a catbox, expect to find it on the floor. Thwart him: Nail stuff down. Just kidding; put your stuff away.
8. Finding new hiding places.
You may come home to no cat at all. Your sabbatical is a great time for him to explore the house and find new places to hide, such as inside TV stand, behind the books on the shelf or in a shoebox in your closet. In addition to hiding himself, he may also hide anything you didn't nail down in a whole new place you've never thought to look -- forget "under the couch." How amateur. Thwart him: As above, put your stuff away, and when you come home to no cat, open a can of tuna and set it on the floor. Watch to see from whence he comes. You may have to do this a couple of times in different rooms before you discover the exact location.
9. Making his toys disappear.
Your cat may punish you by being an ungrateful sourpuss, achieved by hiding all his cat toys in those new hiding places. "Where's that freaking mousie?!" may come out of your exasperated, travel-weary and cuteness-starved mouth. Thwart him: Sorry, you can't. If the cat hides his own toys, they are under the couch or lost to the universe. Somewhere, there is a dimension filled with cat toys of yore. It's physics.
10. Hatred.
In addition to hiding, your cat may behave like an absolute jerkstore when you get back; ignoring you or even hissing at you. Thwart him: Time heals all wounds. Hiss back at him and wait a day or so. You will probably never be forgiven, but kitty will be back to purring all over you like a motorboat just as soon as he forgets you were gone.
Filed under: Stories
Reader Comments (Page 3 of 3)
meg119 Jan 17th 2010 3:16AM
I have a deaf cat. Whenever I come home from my 12 hr shift at work I can hear him crying loudly in the kitchen. He sees the headlights of the car and he knows I am home. I can hear him all the way in the driveway. He won't stop crying until I pick him up and give him a kiss.
Manny Jan 17th 2010 3:31AM
I have a question and I hope someone has an answer. We have two cats, kitty 3 and baby 1.5. Kitty was adopted and came from the humane society already fixed (spay nutered). Baby was a stray born wild rescued from a car engine. The question is. Baby seems to urinate on furniture when she goes into heat, but it also seems to take place when we leave home for a few days at a time. Mom wants to have baby fixed cause she thinks this is the cause. I don't because I think, as I've read here on a few posts, that it seems leaving her alone is what the problem is. The reason I don't want to have baby fixed is because she is already a bit skidish due to the fact she is a wild cat. I think that by having her fixed and exposing her to all the drama associated with that, she might draw futher away from us then she already is. It's taken a lot to get her to overcome the fear she has of being with us, and she is doing great! I just don't want to lose all that has been acomplished to this point. I sure hope someone has any past experiences they would like to share regarding this. Thanks.
Anne Wingate Jan 18th 2010 2:12PM
They follow you around the house sitting with their tail toward you. Once my husband stood up and very slowly walked completely around Mrs. Katt, and she scooched her butt around and managed to keep her tail pointed at him the entire time. For a while Lester managed to get two breakfasts a day, by getting me to feed him and then getting my daughter, who left for work an hour later, to feed him. As we began to wonder about how fast the cat food was vanishing and how much Lester's behind was growing, we compared notes and he got caught. He was furious, and spent a week "ignoring" Faith by pointing his tail at her. One morning she left for work, and realized she had forgotten something. When she returned five minutes later, Lester was STILL sitting beside the front door with his tail toward it.
I read an article by a so-called psychologist who said cats couldn't even recognize people. Talk about an idiot! Cats can even tell time. They know when it is time for the children to get home from school, and they know when it is time for the children to come into the house. The first time Alicia spent the night with a friend, Lorena followed me around the house complaining for over two hours. I kept telling her that I knew where Alicia was, and it was all right, but she didn't believe me. Later she located the friend with whom Alicia slept over most often, and would go spend the night sleeping on the window ledge outside the room Alicia was in.
When we have had both cats and dogs, the dogs always knew the cats had higher status. This wasn't something we taught them. The cats taught them. Very thoroughly and quickly. When I put a bowl on the floor for the animals to enjoy, the dog would wait patiently until both cats had what they wanted, and then he'd get the rest. It had to be that way--one sloosh of his tongue and the bowl would be empty, and the cats wouldn't get their turn.
Household quadrupeds are an endless source of amusement.
Karen Jan 23rd 2010 4:50PM
"The Boys" (four very excited Persians) at http://www.kittensandmittensandthings.com couldn't believe it when they found your post.
In fact, I caught them taking notes!
Fantastic Digg and I know exactly what you mean for all ten of your points because with four "Boys" sooner or later one of them will have done at least one. And we don't even take trips!
"The Boys" and I will make it a point to come back again--they for pointers, and I for a good read!
Thank you.
Celeste Jan 30th 2010 9:17PM
My cat Bonita was the opposite. When we went out of town, she would bring home mice (she had her own little cat door with an electronic lock) and put them behind the radiator to feed us with if we would only come home & play with her! OK, I could live with the dead mice presents, but that baby bat...