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Galley Gossip: 10 signs there's a newbie in first class

by Heather Poole (RSS feed) on Dec 30th 2009 at 10:30AM

1. PHONES HOME - As soon as the first class virgin settles into the big, comfy, leather chair, they immediately begin to phone everyone they know during boarding to share exactly where they are, and they do so in a very loud voice as they recline the seat all the way back, giving a detailed description of just how far the seat actually goes. Amazing, isn't it? Calls are followed by a self portrait which gets sent via text. Hi mom!

2. WON'T GIVE UP THE COAT - Flight attendants working in first class hang coats during boarding. Because the virgin is unfamiliar with airline procedures, they'll usually wad up the jacket and shove it inside an overhead bin. If a flight attendant offers to hang it in the closet, the virgin always looks a tad bit worried about parting with the item. Don't be afraid, coats will be returned fifteen minutes prior to landing.

3. STRANGE USE OF HOT TOWELS - Hot towels are distributed in first class before the meal is served. Most passengers use the steamy cloth to wash their hands, while some will use it to clean their eyeglasses or wipe down the tray table, all of which are acceptable uses of a hot towel. The virgin has been known to do things a tad bit differently. I've witnessed quite a few passengers giving the old armpits a good rub down. A couple of coworkers have even spotted passengers trying to eat the thing as if it were a spring roll.

4. ORDERS THE BREAD BASKET - Menus are passed out in first class. Inside passengers will find a selection of appetizers, entrees, desserts and wine. Off to the side it mentions that sourdough and multigrain rolls are served alongside the main course. The virgin has been known to order the bread basket as an entree choice.

5. GETS UPSET OVER MEALS - It's common knowledge amongst frequent fliers the order in which meal preferences are taken in flight and the elite flier chooses their seat accordingly. Because the airplane is catered with the exact number of meals as there are passengers on board, not every passenger in first class will be offered more than one meal choice. Flipping out and using the word "ridiculous" only screams newbie on board!

6. LOOKS DAZED AND CONFUSED - Nothing says first timer more than a passenger who just stares blankly when the flight attendant appears with an armful of table linens. After the flight attendant discretely asks the passenger to pull out the tray table, the confusion kicks in when the first timer starts frantically searching around for it. Check the armrest next time

7. DRINKS NONSTOP: Except for a cup of coffee or a glass of water, the frequent flier can be counted on to stick with their drink of choice throughout the flight. The virgin samples all four wine choices after finishing off the entire bottle of Champagne. For dessert Baileys is poured over ice cream and Kahlua is stirred into coffee. Mmm...smells good. They'll even ask for a couple of minis to go.

8. BINGES - The first class service is elaborate. There are appetizers and drinks, salads made to order, entrees presented with an assortment of bread, followed by fruit, cheese, gelato, and more. The frequent flier has had enough of the never ending (never changing) service and would rather work than eat. The virgin samples it all. Go ahead, enjoy!

9. CAN'T FIND THE TOILET - The virgin has no idea where the lavatory is, which is why they're trying to open the closet, or even worse, the cockpit door! Don't panic, the air marshalls know what they're doing. Just like flight attendants they've seen it all. Otherwise there'd be one less newbie in flight.

10. COLLECTS SOUVENIRS - Those little salt and pepper shakers are kind of cute, aren't they?

Photos courtesy of Creepyed and Vkiperman

Filed under: Business, Food and Drink, Airlines, Transportation, Galley Gossip

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Reader Comments (Page 3 of 3)

frank96 Dec 31st 2009 9:12PM

Ok, people, for those of you who viewed this article as condescending, you're NOT viewing it as a flight attendant. I thought the article was SPOT ON. It was brilliant, because she picked up on what we all view in the first class cabin. All she did was put it in writing.
It's like the first time flyer or someone who hasnt flown much. They approach the lavatory door. Pull the ashtray OFF on the door and wonder why the door didnt open. They hand it to the Flight Attendant and they assist you into the lavatory by opening the door with the handle. NO JUDGEMENT. We've all had that passenger..................just like the one in first class. I saw this article as a unique perspective from a flight attendant's view.

Relax, I got a good laugh at # 3.....the hot towels. Why? I used to tell kids that they were passed out to clean the windows. And, yes. They would proceed to do just that.

Happy New Year, everyone.

http://www.spiritisup.com/nyring.html

Danny Jan 2nd 2010 5:05PM

Wow, what an apparently controversial article. I for one liked it and found it amusing. Mind you I am terrified of flying and haven't been on a plane in over eight years so things might be different now.

This could perhaps even save me making some rookie economy mistakes on my insane (in my opinion) journey to Australia this summer. Or at least provide the FA's with a good laugh or two behind that curtain of mystery :)

Actually that gives me an idea. I would love to read an article about "How to spot a nervous flier".

Kbob Jan 2nd 2010 10:57AM

As a former Flight Attendant (F/A) who has worked First Class (F/C) around the world, or sometimes referred to as No Class, I do agree with some of your observations about the F/C Newbie.
FYI: I have flown over 20 million "true air nautical miles" not point or bonus miles in my career.
One thing I would like to point out is about #2 or coats being hung.
When working F/C there is not always enough time to ensure all the catering supplies were correctly boarded prior to passenger boarding. Also, there are many other tasks that need to be completed too during boarding. Passengers taking care of their own coats are a blessing.
I actually love it when passengers place their coats in the overhead bins. It says, "if I can't afford to place it in the overhead bin I shouldn't have bought it". I have seen hundreds of Armani suit jackets placed, folded and tossed in the bins by famous celebrities and very frequent travelers. The passengers decline my asking to hang it saying, no thank you, it's just a jacket.
Plus the seasonal F/C traveler knows that it will save us, the F/A, time trying to fight our way up stream and around other passengers trying to get comfy in their seats and stowing their belongings plus pre-departure drink orders will be taken and delivered faster.

On the flip side to the Newbie, I love it when we have first timers up front. Most are so excited that it brings a smile to my face knowing this is the "coolest thing" they have ever experienced while flying. They tend to be the most polite and are simply inquisitive to what goes one up there.
Some of our regulars are "No Class" passengers. They kick their feet up on the bulkhead walls, clip toe nails, are loud, drink the most and ask for “mini” to go (how cheap it that?). Oh, they are also the most demanding. Some even wear flip-flops, T-shirts and junky shorts. Sure it is comfortable on long flights but nothing says Trash like a F/C passenger dressed like that. Try wearing a nice matching sweat suit at least.

Marc Jan 3rd 2010 11:12AM

Wasn't condescending at all, perhaps it hit a little close to home for some. Pay no attention Heather. Rick, Ninja and Tammy seem to have problems reading tone, which I find to be consistent and bright across all of your articles, including this one.

Fact remains, you're right. I've noticed the same things. Heck, a similar list could be made for the first/rare flier in coach.

Su Jit Jan 4th 2010 5:15PM

You can come up with any other made-up lame fake distinction but no, it was condescending and plain to see so no matter what kind of a shill you decide to run for Princess Heather. Try harder next time Bridget, your own defnsive 'tude reveals you as a first-class snot yourself.

Bridget Jan 3rd 2010 2:49PM

Wow, a whole lotta people got their panties in a bunch, didn't they? Observing the behavior of a newbie is a completely different thing than judging the behavior of a newbie and those who can't tell the difference come across as quite defensive. Hmmm. I enjoyed the post, Heather, both as entertainment and as edification. Thanks!

JustHere Jan 4th 2010 2:27AM

This article is in very bad taste. You come across as if you are better than those who have not had the luxury of flying first class. It is condescending. I did find it some what funny but, it makes you look snotty. I Hope I remember where the salad fork lays if I'm ever at the dinner table with you.

NewsWonk Jan 4th 2010 2:01PM

8. BINGES - The first class service is elaborate. There are appetizers and drinks, salads made to order, entrees presented with an assortment of bread, followed by fruit, cheese, gelato, and more.

What first class are you flying?

Marc Jan 4th 2010 5:52PM

Yeah, you're wrong. And that's ok. (tm)

Curt Jan 4th 2010 6:59PM

@Marc: and you're a self-important little asshole, which is ok in your family because you're all like that no doubt.

Sharon Jan 6th 2010 7:20AM

I thought it was funny. As far as the "pay your salaries" comments, the fact is that most of these people did NOT pay to be in First Class. They got there by either good luck or a previous mishandling incident.

I especially liked kids in FC. I liked showing them all the things they could do with in their seat. I got one 8 year old turned on to caviar (before it was politically incorrect). Fish eggs-no gross! Try it, you'll like it... The mom was funny; "Great, now I have an 8 year old who likes caviar. She'll ask for it at home now!"

I don't mind the curiosity but when it got in the way with other passengers' experiences, it became irritating. I didn't like the long video filming. They would get in the way of the carts and who wants to be filmed while trying to relax or work? It was also annoying to the other FC passengers.

Also, they would ask for the breakfast 10 minutes before landing and get upset that it couldn't be delivered in that time. I would try to negotiate (roll, OJ, coffee, yogurt...) No, one woman told me as we were scraping the tree tops, I want THAT. I tried to do the rounds earlier, purposely waking any upgrades on purpose to eat.

I had one involuntary upgrade pitch a fit because he didn't get his meal choice in business class once. I tried to hint "You had good luck with the seat today but unfortunately your meal choice is no longer available". He couldn't figure out why his full-fare seatmates did get their choice. He actually followed me to the galley to berate me on making it obvious to the others that he was an involuntary upgrade. I *told* him that if he hadn't protested his meal choice, than it wouldn't have happened and that it was a subtle enough hint that the others didn't necessarily pick it up...

Of course the couple next to him did, as she was my dentist's secretary and he realized during the flight that they were people I had known for years. Needless to say, he stayed meek in his seat the rest of the time.

Cassie Jan 12th 2010 2:19AM

As a former flight attendant, who reads your blog from a flight attendant perspective, I found this post HILARIOUS! I do believe your blog is to reach out to your flight attendant community and find it weird that so many of your readers are not flight attendants. They have never walked a mile in your polyester suit and often get so bent out of shape when half the time it’s because they do not understand the sarcasm that comes with your job! I mean, they are not flight attendants, so why are they even reading your blog?
My parents, who never travel, were upgraded to first class and did all of the above mentioned in your list. I found out because I knew the FA who was working first class. I also found out because on landing my Dad gave me a call and said "How much should we tip our waitress?" I had to inform him that although the FA was there to get him a beverage and offer him all kinds of goodies to eat, and even took his order; she was not his waitress and should not be tipped. Haha!
I noticed this a lot when I would work first class, and yes "Newbie’s" to first class are hilarious to watch, pretty predictable, and it is a joy to watch them (I didn’t find this to be condescending at all) because they are so excited and have no idea what to do with themselves. They are a breath of fresh air! I think first class business travelers, who yes, pay our FA salaries, are wonderful, but they know the drill after traveling so often that it can start to feel routine. When you get a "newbie" up in first class, it’s nice because it shakes things up a bit.
Great post! And to all of her readers who are not FA’s do not assume something about someone when you have never walked a mile in their shoes. FA’s use a lot of lingo, a lot of inside humor, which only FAs would understand. As the reader, you should keep an open mind that this is a very field specific blog, and remember that Heather LOVES her job, and would never try to harm anyone by her posts.

Jimbo Feb 3rd 2010 8:53PM

Although I am a very frequent leisure traveler (224K last year), I choose not to spend my money on over inflated first class fares. Not that I can't afford it, I can. But paying thousands of dollars for a larger seat and 2-3 drinks on a 3-5 flight is crazy. I can dine at the best destination resaurants and stay at the best hotels for the entire trip for what it costs to sit up front. A funny thing happened several years ago. I do dress apropriately so that I may be suitable for first class. In fact I have been upgraded several times because of my status. On a retrun trip from LAX to ORD , I was upgraded to first class seat due to overbooking. Several hous later I found myself on a mid afternoon flight. After finishing a nice, mediocre meal, the flight attendant asked if the "pasta meal wasn't fantastic?" I replied that it was ok. She chastised me for not being grateful that I had been upgraded from coach. She had no idea that I had >700K in ff miles. Apparently her printout did not give her this info. So much for AA's wonderful first class. I was treated like a nobody.