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Galley Gossip: 10 signs there's a newbie in first class
1. PHONES HOME - As soon as the first class virgin settles into the big, comfy, leather chair, they immediately begin to phone everyone they know during boarding to share exactly where they are, and they do so in a very loud voice as they recline the seat all the way back, giving a detailed description of just how far the seat actually goes. Amazing, isn't it? Calls are followed by a self portrait which gets sent via text. Hi mom!
3. STRANGE USE OF HOT TOWELS - Hot towels are distributed in first class before the meal is served. Most passengers use the steamy cloth to wash their hands, while some will use it to clean their eyeglasses or wipe down the tray table, all of which are acceptable uses of a hot towel. The virgin has been known to do things a tad bit differently. I've witnessed quite a few passengers giving the old armpits a good rub down. A couple of coworkers have even spotted passengers trying to eat the thing as if it were a spring roll.
4. ORDERS THE BREAD BASKET - Menus are passed out in first class. Inside passengers will find a selection of appetizers, entrees, desserts and wine. Off to the side it mentions that sourdough and multigrain rolls are served alongside the main course. The virgin has been known to order the bread basket as an entree choice.
5. GETS UPSET OVER MEALS - It's common knowledge amongst frequent fliers the order in which meal preferences are taken in flight and the elite flier chooses their seat accordingly. Because the airplane is catered with the exact number of meals as there are passengers on board, not every passenger in first class will be offered more than one meal choice. Flipping out and using the word "ridiculous" only screams newbie on board!
6. LOOKS DAZED AND CONFUSED - Nothing says first timer more than a passenger who just stares blankly when the flight attendant appears with an armful of table linens. After the flight attendant discretely asks the passenger to pull out the tray table, the confusion kicks in when the first timer starts frantically searching around for it. Check the armrest next time
7. DRINKS NONSTOP: Except for a cup of coffee or a glass of water, the frequent flier can be counted on to stick with their drink of choice throughout the flight. The virgin samples all four wine choices after finishing off the entire bottle of Champagne. For dessert Baileys is poured over ice cream and Kahlua is stirred into coffee. Mmm...smells good. They'll even ask for a couple of minis to go.
8. BINGES - The first class service is elaborate. There are appetizers and drinks, salads made to order, entrees presented with an assortment of bread, followed by fruit, cheese, gelato, and more. The frequent flier has had enough of the never ending (never changing) service and would rather work than eat. The virgin samples it all. Go ahead, enjoy!
9. CAN'T FIND THE TOILET - The virgin has no idea where the lavatory is, which is why they're trying to open the closet, or even worse, the cockpit door! Don't panic, the air marshalls know what they're doing. Just like flight attendants they've seen it all. Otherwise there'd be one less newbie in flight.
10. COLLECTS SOUVENIRS - Those little salt and pepper shakers are kind of cute, aren't they?
Photos courtesy of Creepyed and Vkiperman
6. LOOKS DAZED AND CONFUSED - Nothing says first timer more than a passenger who just stares blankly when the flight attendant appears with an armful of table linens. After the flight attendant discretely asks the passenger to pull out the tray table, the confusion kicks in when the first timer starts frantically searching around for it. Check the armrest next time
7. DRINKS NONSTOP: Except for a cup of coffee or a glass of water, the frequent flier can be counted on to stick with their drink of choice throughout the flight. The virgin samples all four wine choices after finishing off the entire bottle of Champagne. For dessert Baileys is poured over ice cream and Kahlua is stirred into coffee. Mmm...smells good. They'll even ask for a couple of minis to go.
8. BINGES - The first class service is elaborate. There are appetizers and drinks, salads made to order, entrees presented with an assortment of bread, followed by fruit, cheese, gelato, and more. The frequent flier has had enough of the never ending (never changing) service and would rather work than eat. The virgin samples it all. Go ahead, enjoy!
9. CAN'T FIND THE TOILET - The virgin has no idea where the lavatory is, which is why they're trying to open the closet, or even worse, the cockpit door! Don't panic, the air marshalls know what they're doing. Just like flight attendants they've seen it all. Otherwise there'd be one less newbie in flight.
10. COLLECTS SOUVENIRS - Those little salt and pepper shakers are kind of cute, aren't they?
Photos courtesy of Creepyed and Vkiperman
Filed under: Business, Food and Drink, Airlines, Transportation, Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
NINJATRAVELER Dec 30th 2009 10:57AM
Hey Heather, these are some interesting and funny observations. However, your article might come across to some readers as a tad condescending and generalizing; I mean you appear to bunch all first-time first-class fliers ("newbies", "virgins") under the same umbrella and imply that they ALL display some kind of stupid/uneducated characteristic. Not fair! Not everyone is the same and one can find both veteran and curious passengers in different classes of the cabin. On a side note, the kind of elaborate first-class service you described above is now a rarity in domestic travel; one gets the real goodies only in international travel / foreign airlines.
Having said that, I am myself a great fan of people-watching and I can appreciate how much of that one can get to do in your profession! Enjoy!
Craig Dec 30th 2009 12:22PM
I don't find it condescending -- I've often spotted and talked about "newbies" in other areas that I'm familiar with (computers, my workplace, etc).
Good list, I'll keep it in mind should I ever end up in first or business class (in my dreams).
Heather Poole Dec 30th 2009 2:09PM
I love newbies! What's not to love about a happy passenger who actually enjoys the experience. I'm not being mean, just stating the facts. My favorite passengers are newbies and frequent fliers. It's the passenger who THINKS they're a frequent flier that tends to be the problem.
rick Dec 30th 2009 4:41PM
Heather
Been reading Galley Gossip for quite awhile now. At first,your posts
were sweet and it was a good 3 minute fun to read. Somehow I think
your long hours and commuting so much are getting to you. Hey, many
miles, many hours, never your own bed, away from kid and all. Yeah,
the airline biz isn´t what it used to be, with safety concerns,
dropping prices and the economy, ever fussier people, but I liked
better when attendants were called stewardesses. They were more
polite and accomodating. Seems a lot of flying´s jaded you. You´re
up on a high horse. Stop being so condescending. Not the first post
you put US the flyers, who pay for YOUR salary after all, down.
Remember, once you were a newbie, scared , flying in polyester tight
skirt and heels inside an old, beat up plane of a regional airline. A
little more humble will go a long way Heather.
Fred Dec 30th 2009 12:22PM
Hey, I take pictures on most of my leisure flights, regardless of class. Also, it certainly isn't a crime to take advantage of the booze and food in first. For some of us, being upfront is such a rarity, we want to enjoy all it offers. And as for the coat, unless I'm worried about wrinkles, I just don't feel like waiting for the FA, so I just toss it in the overhead. If she offers, it's hers, but I'm a little too impatient to wait.
Perhaps my biggest newbie mistake was a flight out of Denver. I was ticketed in Y, but my flight was canceled (mx). Last of the day, so they put us in a hotel, and put my in first the next day. During lunch service, the FA comes with the bread bowl, and plops it in my face. Not noticing the tongs in her other hand, I just reach in and grab. FA and the guy next to me just stare. To this day I feel like an idiot.
Good list, though.
Craig Dec 30th 2009 12:25PM
Sometimes I feel that "improper etiquette" isn't always the newbie's fault. The FA should have offered you the tongs first, then the basket. After all, how are you supposed to respond to having a bread basket put in front of you, even if you were a frequent flier? Exactly which items should elicit the "search for tongs first" response when placed in front of you?
Heather Poole Dec 30th 2009 2:09PM
Hey, I take pictures too...but so does the newbie.
joecarryon Dec 31st 2009 4:51PM
If you would care to notice, the flight attendant is holding a pair of tongs waiting for you to point out which roll you want. Maybe you should stop and pay attention before being so greedy and grabby.
Fred Dec 31st 2009 8:18PM
Gee, sorry for talking about a newbie mistake in a blog post about newbie mistakes. I apologize my low class self intruded on your exclusive domain in first.
Oh, and how is it selfish to take a roll that I'm offered?
Oh, plus we had a 4 hour delay on the ground waiting to be deiced, and the FAs were a little too generous with the wine. So that was another issue that kept me from using common sense.
Tammy Dec 30th 2009 12:31PM
I have to agree... this sounds very condescending.
Heather Poole Dec 30th 2009 2:09PM
Sorry if you feel the list is condescending. That was not my intent. It was just something different to write about and I TRIED to make it fun. Let's face it, there are newbies in flight. We've all been newbies at one point - including me!
Tammy Dec 30th 2009 2:10PM
There's a big difference between mocking co-workers and mocking the people who are paying your salary. The reality is, first class passengers pay a ton of money for those seats (unless they've been upgraded or fly non-rev) and if they've been upgraded, it's because they've given your airline a lot of money already. This article just reminds me of mean kids in high school who make themselves feel superior by making fun of others.
Heather Poole Dec 30th 2009 2:08PM
I'm not mocking anyone. We've all been a newbie at some point in our lives. And anyway, the article might help those who are nervous about flying in first class for the first time.
Archimedes Dec 30th 2009 12:43PM
Satire people, satire.
nick Feb 1st 2010 4:26PM
What? Either you don't know what satire is or you completely misread the article (which was super douchey btw).
allie Dec 30th 2009 1:02PM
Have to say as a former commercial airline crewmember and a current frequent business traveler some of the behaviors you describe are not exclusive to newbies. It would be a rookie flight attendant mistake to assume based on most of the behaviors listed above that the person does not travel in first/biz much.
On those long flights I so usually sample every course a)I'm hungry after waking at dawn, skipping breakfast as I run out the door and connecting with no time for a bite. b) grazing makes the flight go by faster. I also usually keep my coat because I get cold and I like to use it as extra pading those little pillows only go so far. I'll also admit to being disapointed when my meal choice isn't available especially because often I've had all the options and I know some aren't very good. I don't ever make a fuss and yes I know which order meal service goes in but my company books a lot of last minute tickets so when select my seats options are limited.
I personally don't drink for religious reasons but many of my collegues who have platinum-global-diamond-royalty status love nothing more than to imbibe as they fly. Some are nervous fliers others just lushes.
I've actually seen the armpit washing with my own eyes. Really gross.
Heather Poole Dec 30th 2009 2:23PM
You are right, Allie, these traits are not exclusive to newbies. But I wanted to compile a list of 10 signs there's a newbie in first class and these were the first ten signs I came up with off the top of my head. If I were to make a list of signs exclusive to newbies and only newbies, there would not be a list. Just having a little fun, that's all.
Nick Dec 30th 2009 2:28PM
Nice observations, Heather! Wish you a great New Year - hope you are not flying tomorrow evening :)
Stolen Dec 30th 2009 3:22PM
Thanks Heather a great read! Everyone needs to relax if they find it offensive or condescending!
Stolen
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mstolen
SLJ Dec 30th 2009 9:41PM
I have only flown in first class once:
My mother and I were flying home from a vacation and an announcement was made asking for me to come up to the desk. They told me that they had a family flying together but that they were not seated together. My mom and I were willing to sit in different parts of the plane but they had also overbooked coach. So, we were moved up to first class.
This would have been really exciting except for the fact that my mom had said "one thing I would really like to do one day before I die is to fly in first class". I was a little nervous that this was God telling us that the gate we would be arriving at would be the heavenly one!
The flight was nice but I didn't think that it was that much better than flying in coach. In fact, I usually fall asleep before my plane even leaves the ground but I couldn't fall asleep in first class. The leather seats were slippery and I kept sliding out of it since I wasn't able to jam myself into place like I can in the close quarters of coach!