Skip to Content

Click on a label to read posts from that part of the world.

Map of the world

SkyMall Monday: The Siamese Slanket

On October 13, 2008, SkyMall Monday was born. On that day, I selected a very special product to be the first offering featured in this column. It wasn't the SkyRest Travel Pillow, the Time Mug or even the Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder that I love so much. No, the product that kicked off this little operation was none other than The Slanket, the original blanket with sleeves. Forget all the commercials that you've seen for the Snuggie and how adorable you think that dog Snuggie is. They're nothing but cheap knock-offs of The Slanket. The Slanket's so amazing that even mythical beasts rock it at parties. But what happens when you finally find that special someone and you're no longer content being alone on the couch with your Slanket and a sloppy gyro? You need to be ready for the day when you actually fool someone into thinking that you're a functional member of society who can provide for her and sometimes let her out of the basement. Well, when that happens, you can keep her warm and, more importantly, close to you, by wrapping yourselves in the Siamese Slanket.
A wise man once said, "Sharing is caring." I couldn't agree more. I've seen too many relationships end because a selfish man lounged cozily on the couch while his lover languished, freezing to death, on a nearby recliner. The distance between them, both physically and emotionally, eventually tore apart their relationships at the seams. Avoid suffering that same sad, pathetic fate by being both intimate and warmed with your mate in a single garment. 1 blanket + 4 arms = 2 souls 4ever. I think. I was awful at algebra. Do the arms and souls cancel each other out? Shoot. Can I borrow your slide rule?

Anyways, I'm going to deviate from protocol a bit here and eschew the use of the SkyMall product description. Instead, I cede the floor to the distinguished folks at the official Siamese Slanket website:
If passion was a Slanket, it would be this color...maybe passion IS a Slanket. Slide into one and find out.
If rhythm is a dancer, then it's perfectly logical that passion is a Slanket. I can only assume that after you slide into a Slanket you will then slide into your lady's, you know, um, vaaaaaaaaaacation plans. Yeah, let's say vacation plans.

In this instance, they are referring to the Ruby Wine Siamese Slanket. Ruby Wine somewhat alludes to a color. Limoges, on the other hand, is a city in France and a type of porcelain. In the world of the Siamese Slanket, however, it is also a shade of blue.

So, pick up your Canadian supermodel girlfriend at the airport (being sure to shield her with your Double Umbrella), take her home to your hovel and show her how much you love her by keeping her no more than two inches from you at all times. Be sure to insist that she asks you for permission to use the bathroom (and for the love of all that is holy, let her out of the Siamese Slanket when she needs to pee and/or poop). And, if you really want to take your relationship to the next level, wear your Siamese Slanket during a three-legged race. Assuming you're dating someone at a sleepaway camp or company picnic.

It's time to grow up and share your life with someone special. Show them that you're ready to make that commitment by giving up all sense of personal space. Pick up a Siamese Slanket and start getting fat together today!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Filed under: Gear

Find Your Hotel

City name or airport
POWERED BY
City name or airport
City name or airport
POWERED BY
City name or airport
City name or airport
POWERED BY
City name or airport code
If different
POWERED BY
POWERED BY

Search Travel Deals

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Gadling Features


Most Popular

Categories

Become our Fan on Facebook!

Featured Galleries (view all)

Berlin's Abandoned Tempelhof Airport
The Junk Cars of Cleveland, New Mexico
United Airlines 787 Inaugural Flight
Ghosts of War: France
New Mexico's International Symposium Of Electronic Arts
Valley of Roses, Morocco
The Southern Road
United Dreamliner Interior
United Dreamliner Exterior

Our Writers

Don George

Features Editor

RSS Feed

View more Writers

Weird News

DailyFinance

FOXNews Travel

Engadget

Sherman's Travel

Lonely Planet

New York Times Travel

Joystiq