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Table for one? Five tips for solo diners

by Aaron Hotfelder (RSS feed) on Dec 26th 2009 at 2:00PM

Traveling by yourself can be an incredibly rewarding and liberating experience, but as any solo traveler can tell you, it's not always rainbows and sunshine. There can also be times of acute loneliness when you wonder, "Just what in the hell am I doing here alone?" From my experience, nothing on the road will cause you greater feelings of isolation than the frightening prospect of eating at a restaurant by yourself.

Before my first solo trip, dining alone seemed to me only slightly less depressing than bowling alone (which, alas, I still find rather sad). I had always imagined that those who sat by themselves at restaurants suffered from some profound personality defect. What other possible explanation could there be for their solitude? But after traveling on my own for a few weeks, I became much more comfortable with the prospect of sitting at a restaurant by myself, and I eventually saw it as something to be enjoyed rather than simply endured.

It may sound silly, but being able to dine alone is an important skill to have when on the road. Here are some tips to overcome the awkwardness of dining alone:

Bring some reading materials to occupy your time whenever you're faced with a table for one. Not only will this make you appear busy, you'll also look interesting and bookish.
Chat up your waitress, asking for her recommendations on what to see and do in the area. When ordering in a foreign country, try to avoid simply pointing at the menu. People usually appreciate when you at least attempt to speak their language, even when you inadvertently hack it to pieces.
Take out your diary (or "journal" for guys) and do a little reflecting about your trip.
If you see another person sitting by herself, don't be afraid to start a conversation. No, strangers don't bite, and they'll probably be just as happy as you to talk to someone else.
And most importantly, next time you're face-to-face with the breadsticks, remember how Philip Roth describes one of the main characters in his novel Letting Go: "Though subject to his share of depressions, nightmares, and melancholy, he cannot enjoy any of it thoroughly, (and thereby feel his true and tragic worth) because of a nagging doubt that he is very lucky and ought to be thankful and shut up." Hey, unless you're traveling to Pity City, be thankful that you're even getting the chance to travel. Many people are not so fortunate.

For more solo travel tips, check out Tom Johansmeyer's post "Don't become a hermit: eight tips for solo business travelers."

Filed under: Food and Drink

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

james Dec 26th 2009 5:27PM

As a frequent solo traveler, I find this and the referenced articles useless. The authors begin with the premise that alone is always a bad thing. I assure you it is not. The main thing a solo traveler has to work on to eliminate is the self-consciousness which is derived from the authors common negative attitude. Just be alone and don't worry about it. Your own company and thoughts are often better than the social alternative. I am not antisocial and strike up conversation and companionship as it occurs, and it always does, and when it is productive and pleasant. I could write a lot more, but mainly want to state that a start point for traveling solo is not the negative view held by these authors.

AnnaI Dec 28th 2009 7:37AM

I have to agree with James above. Alone is not a bad thing, as the author of the post seems to imply, and nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't need to surround myself with reading materials so I look "less lonely" or "interesting", "busy" or "bookish". I simply enjoy the moment and the freedom of just being there and eating a yummy meal, admiring (if there is something to admire) the surroundings.

The post above should be retitled as "How not to look alone when you're embarrassed to dine alone".

Andrea Dec 28th 2009 8:45AM

I love traveling alone. I was hoping a 'how to dine alone while traveling' article would deal with my biggest problem in that situation: how to eat alone at restaurants in places where food is only served in huge portions for sharing.

Unexpected Traveller Dec 28th 2009 8:57AM

Sometimes you may just think you're alone ... I thought so in Oslo, but I actually dined with the Pope: http://unexpectedtraveller.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/dinner-a-deux/

Now how often do you find yourself able to say that?

The Unexpected Traveller

boldlygosolo.com Dec 28th 2009 4:19PM

I agree with James as well. You eliminate self-consciousness by changing your attitude. And you do that by not assuming that the other people in the restaurant care that much about you. Because they really don't. So don't make up those stories in your head.
I was self-conscious in my early dining solo days and have mostly gotten over it.
The problem I sometimes have now is being bored or antsy while I wait for my food, which is why I like to have a crossword puzzle to do or a journal to write in or a mobile device for checking email.
I have an entire category on dining solo at www.boldlygosolo.com.

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