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Can you go home again? A question for the long term traveler
There's the adage "you can't go home again" that does bear merit, particularly if one has been gone from home for years. Perhaps you traveled back to your hometown for Thanksgiving and have a mental checklist for just how much the town has changed.
Certainly you noticed changes in yourself. Or maybe you noticed that even though you've changed, your trip back home was an indication that some things never change--family dynamics, perhaps? But let's not go there. In the case of this post, let's expand home past a person's hometown to a person's country.
I've moved out of the United States four different times for a variety of time periods. The first was on a study abroad program to Denmark for four months. The last was for four years that were split between Taiwan and India. Each time I was gone, I needed to readjust to life back in the United States. As I discovered, readjusting to ones own country can be more difficult than getting used to living in another one. Even after a short period of time of traveling, we change. Once you've made another country home for awhile, there is a disconnect between how you've changed and what your expectations are for life back home.
This disconnect is wonderfully highlighted in "Some Indians Find it Tough to Go Home Again" in the New York Times. The article looks at what happens to Indians who grew up in the U.S. and moved back to India several years later with the notion of helping out their home country. In general, what people find out is that who they have become and how they do business does not match up with India's culture. What they expect is not at all what they get.
Interestingly, as the article points out, expats who are not from India often have an easier time fitting into Indian business culture because they are able to adjust to the Indian system more easily.
This phenomenon is not only common to India, I would guess--or to people who have lived in the United States. I have friends who have lived overseas for years who I can't see living in the U.S. again because they have become absorbed by the cadence of living elsewhere. The U.S. would not be a great fit.
Filed under: Arts and Culture, Business, Stories, India, Taiwan, Denmark, News
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
DJ Nov 30th 2009 1:15AM
As the spouse of a military man, I have lived overseas for 10 years off and on. I have never had a hard time adjusting when I moved back to the USA. In fact, I kissed the ground each time I got back. There is NO place like home, and I can't wait to get back to the greatest land in the world, when I return in the Spring.
After living in Germany, the UK and Belgium, I have come to the conclusion that I am very lucky to have been born an American!!!!! It's been a great experience living in these places, but it's always wonderful to go HOME! Adjustment issues? The only adjustment issue I have is what to buy in the GREAT BIG GROCERY STORES!!!!!!!
Joe Nov 30th 2009 7:02AM
DJ, my family and I wouldn't really call military living the same as living in another country. While they have done a great service to our country even they know they aren't "living" the life of an expat.
The base creates an illusion of a microcosm of American life. They get US networks beamed over there. Most of the food in the BX is the same they could find in any American grocery store. Except a brave few and the occassional lifer most do speak the local language. Rarely do they interact with the locals except on business reasons. On the occasion they do interact with the local populace it is generally with a superior attitude and mistrust on both sides.
Like you, my sister can't wait to go back to the US. Life hasn't changed all that much for her.
I on the other hand, I have to deal with issues other immigrants face when moving abroad. What I couldn't sell, give away, or throw away is packed up in my parents' garage. I deal directly with the bureaucracy of my host country and interact with the people because I have to and want to. I stopped being a tourist a long time ago. The lustre of the city is transparent for me. My life is Metro, boulot, dodo; subway, work, sleep.
I've been back to the US for visits and it's hard to readjust. The food isn't as good. When I go to Walmart I spend hours there because I can't find anything that really appeals to me. For me, there is no there there. I no longer have a home in the US, I have one in my new country. Unlike a few of the other immigrants I've met here. I have comfort in the knowledge that my papers are in order and I can go home in an instant. The country I left isn't war torn and broken. Like you, I do feel luck to be born American.
My other American expat friends are even further out then I am. They've been abroad for decades and I only a few years. They are, almost, completely cutoff from the US except a passport and the occasional call from family. Some have picked up the terrible habit of going native even more than the natives. i.e. will not speak their mother tongue, will not interact with others from their country.
Change is a certainty, but it's more difficult when it's so dramatic. When I come back I find some of my friends have moved, or died. The places I used to hangout don't exist anymore. The biggest expat complaint about going home is the ignorance. In a certain way, I have become an ambassador for my host country. Letting my friends know that: the people aren't unwashed masses, they don't hate you, and national healthcare can work if run right.
Jamie Rhein Nov 30th 2009 1:18AM
DJ,
Your comment about the grocery store made me smile. When I moved back from The Gambia after two years as a Peace Corps volunteer, my mom had to come looking for me in the grocery store. She sent me in to buy detergent. I had no idea which one to pick. She found me standing staring at boxes and bottles of Tide, Cheer, All unable to move.
Ladyexpat Nov 30th 2009 5:41AM
I'll always be a Canadian, but will I ever go back there to live? Never is a long time, but I have no plans to become a resident again anytime soon.
I'm in my ninth year in Korea. Not the easiest of Asian countries to live in, but I like my lifestyle. My big thing is planning my next shopping trip to Bangkok to buy all of the things that I can't find in Korea or they're cheaper in Bangkok.
Love to visit home, but not interested in living there again anytime soon.
DJ Nov 30th 2009 11:41AM
Sorry, Joe, but I don't live NEAR a military base. Military are, also, stationed at U S Embassies all over the world where there are NO military facilities. We use local medical facilities and shop in the local stores. So, sorry, but obviously you are misinformed! My husband is based at one of those Embassies as I speak.
Trust me, being at an Embassy in a third world country does not afford you the luxuries you seem to think American military personnel have! Luckily, I am not in a third world country now, but I do have friends who are. One in particular, who goes to the market and they cut off a chunk of bloody meat for her to carry home.
So, yes, some of us do endure hardship tours!
Joe Dec 1st 2009 8:01AM
DJ, I apologize. I assumed when you said military you meant on base. Of the friends that I have on base, many are looking forward to going home. None of them have taken the opportunity to learn the culture and language even though the base provides this service.
I never claimed to know everything about military assignments. I am aware of military having presence in many dangerous places. But the entire world isn't out to take down the US nor its embassies or bases.
I've had the chance to live in some of these "hardship" places. Not as military but a regular guy working for an NGO. In almost all cases I was the only American for hundreds miles. I wasn't provided a fenced compound or armed guards. I was lucky to get a mosquito net.
And, based on my experience, if your friend got a chunk of bloody meat she's lucky. That meat is fresh and delicious, and the animal it came from was probably healthy. And most of the world prefers their meat that way.
DJ Nov 30th 2009 11:45AM
I don' t think my original comment posted, so sorry if I repeat myself..
This is for "joe" who knows so much about the American military assignments. Contrary to what you think, not all Military are stationed on a military base. My husband is stationed at an Embassy where we have NO shopping or medical facilities, except a nurse. We use the local medical/dental facilities, as well, as local stores. Not all of us have the luxury of a commissary. I am fortunate to NOT be in a third world country, but many of our friends are at Embassies that are. There are many "hardship" tours where families go with the military member. Every Embassy in the world has military assigned and with very few exceptions, ie a war zone, family accompany their spouses. So, I'm sorry to dispel your myth, but some of us do look forward to our return home to the luxuries we don't get while in some of the countries our spouses serve in
DJ Nov 30th 2009 1:41PM
Oh and by the way Joe, many of those military people and their families you think have it so easy, live on compounds behind fences with armed guards.