Click on a label to read posts from that part of the world.

Do solo adventures break up relationships?

by Kraig Becker (RSS feed) on Oct 9th 2009 at 1:00PM

Outside Magazine has an interesting story on their website entitled Never, Ever Let Her Go (On a trip overseas. Alone. Especially to Africa.) The article begins with author Eric Hansen recounting a tale of a married couple who were friends of his, and seemingly had an idyllic marriage. But when the wife went off to Botswana on a volunteer trip for a month, she returned home and announced that the marriage was over, and she now longer was attracted to her husband.

When telling this story to others, Hansen discovered this wasn't an isolated tale. He uncovered similar stories from a number of people who had their significant others go off on a big, adventurous trip, only to have their relationship end once they came home. Even more confounding was the fact that many of the travelers were women and many of them had been traveling in Africa. The article goes on to get quotes from several guide services and travel companies, who say that this is indeed a common tale that they encounter on a regular basis themselves. A marriage counselor also weighs in on the topic, saying he sees at least one marriage per month break up after an adventurous solo trip.

This of course begs the question as to why this occurs. The story speculates that it is due to the person traveling expanding their horizons and having a life altering experience on their journey, something we can all relate to from our own travels I'm sure. The same counselor mentioned above says that generally the issues were there before the solo adventure, but the travels bring them more the forefront.

Outside's article concludes with the advice that you don't let your significant other travel alone. Go with him or her. Experience the life changing moments together, and share the journey. If you break up when you get home, at least you got a great trip out of it, right?

So, has anyone experienced this phenomenon first hand? Have you been the dumper or the dumpee?

Filed under: Arts and Culture, Learning, Africa, Women's Travel

Search Travel Deals

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Matt Oct 9th 2009 1:42PM

This just happened to a friend of mine, his girlfriend of three years was on a volunteer trip to Haiti for two months and broke up with him the day of her return. Complete surprise, they had no issues beforehand (according to him). I think I agree with the "perspective-altering" theory, that her eyes were opened to a new world that he wasn't a part of or wasn't as excited as her about.

hojo Oct 9th 2009 2:20PM

the fact that your partner wants to go on an adventurous trip alone is possibly a sign that things may not be optimal in your relationship (please note words "possibly" and "may"). i could imagine wanting to spend time alone on a trip like that to get a perspective and make up my mind about the relationship and then (depending on the outcome of the thought process) break up upon return.

Fiznatty Oct 9th 2009 4:42PM

It doesn't surprise me, and I'm in a relationship in which my wife and I travel a lot together, but I also travel overseas without her sometimes. The closest we ever came to breaking up (pre-marriage) was actually immediately after a trip together, not a solo trip.

I travel alone (usually on some photo-related adventure, to Costa Rica, northern Sweden, the Canadian coast, etc.) because she can't get as much time off work, so there isn't any deeper meaning the solo jaunts.

Still, I can see how it would cause issues with certain folks. There's something about exploring a new place for a longer period of time on your own that is empowering and exhilarating. Even if you don't "meet someone" else there, it's possible that you may come away with a greater fondness for freedom and less of a need to rely on someone else (such as your partner).

Max

Dian Oct 18th 2009 9:24AM

I think it all depends on how strong the relationship is, if you are really committed to each other and each partner is open to and accepting of growth in each other then travel shouldn't adversely affect the relationship. Early in my marriage I and our two month old daughter went on a month long visit to England to visit my sister. We both felt that, even though it was difficult for my husband at the time, this time apart had really strengthened our bond to each other and our child. I travel often solo and one of the best parts of trip is coming home to my partner.

www.girlsgetaway.com

Add your comments

Your comments:

Remember me

E-Mail me when someone replies to this comment

Please keep your comments relevant to this blog entry. Email addresses are never displayed, but they are required to confirm your comments.

When you enter your name and email address, you'll be sent a link to confirm your comment, and a password. To leave another comment, just use that password.

To create a live link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address and we will make it a live link for you. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments. Line breaks and paragraphs are automatically converted — no need to use <p> or <br /> tags.