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Fake Canadians go home
I am.
I've taken to asking people their nationality when I see them sporting a Canadian flag and only about half turn out to be Canadian. The other half are American. No Brits, no Aussies, no Latvians. It seems the fake Canadians all come from south of the border.
Are they illegal immigrants coming to steal our heath care and eat all our maple syrup? No, they're pretending to be Canadians because their guidebooks have told them they'll be safer in all those scary foreign countries. Americans are targets, the guidebooks warn, so it's best to lay low. Lonely Planet started this ridiculous trend, but I've spotted the advice in other guidebooks too. It's stupid, and here's why.
First off, it's hypocritical. I've seen these sunshine patriots screech with rage when anyone says anything the least bit negative about the U.S., but they'll gladly give up their identity on the advice of some random guidebook writer. If you're proud to be American, that's great, the U.S. has a lot going for it, but then show you're proud by wearing an AMERICAN flag.
Secondly, the idea that a Canadian flag will protect you overseas is simply untrue. Thieves see you as a rich Westerner, and don't care whether you come from Manitoba or Montana. Terrorists see you as an evil Westerner, and don't care either. Some of the biggest attacks against travelers have been against British and Germans, not Americans. Besides, while the Canadian flag is a glorious national emblem, sublime in its simplicity and beauty, it is not bomb proof. Suicide attacks don't discriminate and usually take out more locals than foreigners.
Thirdly, Americans aren't as hated as they think. Oh, there are the jokes about fat, ignorant Americans that unite the world from Egypt to Ecuador, but few people really mean Americans any harm. I know, because I am regularly mistaken for one. When I worked and traveled for a couple of years in the Middle East, nobody threatened me. I even witnessed the 14th anniversary of the Islamic Revolution in Isfahan, Iran, and didn't have a problem. In fact, the entire month I was in Iran people constantly assumed I was American (or British, equally bad according to government propaganda) but I was never threatened. Instead I was treated to embarrassing levels of hospitality and the only danger was the very real possibility of being fed to death on massive dinners and cloyingly sweet desserts. The Iranians, it seems, can distinguish between people and governments. Oh, I occasionally had to endure odious lectures on the evils of Israel or how Zionists run Washington (snore) but I was never treated to even so much as a harsh word. It was the same in Palestine, Egypt, Morocco, Syria, and Turkey.
So Americans, please, show some love for your country and wear your own flag. The world doesn't hate you as much as you think it does. But I wouldn't suggest wearing a t-shirt saying "Employee of the U.S. Government". That's what most people are really ticked off about.
And if you are truly that embarrassed by your own country, I suggest one of two things--either stay home and work on fixing it, or move to Canada. We're underpopulated, so there's plenty of room.
Filed under: North America, Iran, Canada, United States
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Tyler Aug 30th 2009 6:21PM
ok, this is doable as long as Canada retracts Nickelback.
RC Aug 31st 2009 7:33PM
Don't blame me: I was an involuntary fake Canadian. When I visited Communist Poland in the '80s, the hotel concierge in Warsaw sent a Telex to make our next reservation and described us as being "from Canada". I suppose it was his way of trying to get us nice consideration.
Fabricio Aug 30th 2009 6:53PM
Canadians are cool! The real ones...
Todd K Meadows Aug 31st 2009 3:24AM
We just do that so starving Canadian children won't be running up to us offer us stuffed Polar Bears.
Evan Aug 31st 2009 3:55PM
Next time you're in Canada, I'm going to kick your ass...
Kirk Aug 31st 2009 3:24AM
I completely agree with this article. As a proud American, I have traveled all around the world and never have felt threatened. I've never felt the need to hide my nationality for any reason. The statement that Iranians can distinguish between people and governments applies to everyone I've had the opportunity to meet during my travels, no matter what country I happen to be in.
DJ Aug 31st 2009 10:50AM
Geez, get a grip. You sound like a whiney little kid. I see Europeans all the time wearing American t-shirts, logos (and I live in Europe). What a silly rant. As for coming over to use your health care...thanks, but no thanks.
Rodrigo Aug 31st 2009 10:51AM
Americans: do believe this article. The world does hate you as much as you think. You've put yourselves in that position with your Captain America world attitude. Now deal with the consequences!
Robert Reid Aug 31st 2009 10:51AM
I agree. I doubt that many of the 'proudtobeamerican' Americans are the ones going with the Maple Leaf, more the 'notwiththeproudtobeamerican' Americans. Nevertheless, it's counterproductive to pose as another nationality. If you think Americans suffers a bad rep -- for being insensitive tourists, whatever -- go chang the perception by being yourself. And American!
James Aug 31st 2009 10:55AM
I agree with the thrust of the article. The Canadian flag theory is stupid and vapid. But then, I wouldn't wear a U.S. flag or any other on travels. For the compulsive bumper sticker crowd who must display some statement or allegiance, why not the flag of the country you are visiting? Again, if you have a compulsion to make public statements during your travels...
Micah Frasuille Aug 31st 2009 3:55PM
With over 300,000,000 Americans, do you suppose it is possible that those who "screech with rage" at anti-American comments are not the same individuals who pretend to be Canadian?
It is important not to assign all traits that you find in a population to every individual of that population.
Sean McLachlan Aug 31st 2009 4:06PM
You didn't read my post very carefully. As I said, I've personally seen some of these fake Canadians get all defensive about the U.S. And it's quite obvious from my post that I'm not assigning these traits to all Americans. Knee-jerk defensiveness is, sadly, a common but not universal American failing, and one you apparently share. Read and think before you comment.
Micah Sep 1st 2009 12:48PM
I'm not sure the fact that you witnessed the pretenders screeching was very explicit, even after re-reading word for word. Sorry if I didn't pick up on that.
Stay mad! It's fun :).
Sean McLachlan Sep 1st 2009 12:55PM
"I've seen" generally implies the writer has seen something. And yes, I'll stay white hot with righteous anger at this sullying of our national honor, erm, "honour". Damn, used the American spelling! Oh, when will my people be free!
Trisha Aug 31st 2009 3:56PM
I totally agree with this - be proud of where you are from, or move.
However, there have been a couple of times that I've PRETENDED to be Canadian, mostly when watching a hockey game with REAL Canadians (in Canada), because it's so much fun to act as if I'm rabid about the game, drink loads of good beer, and say things like "beauty pass, eh?" Hey I LOVE Canada!
But I don't pretend to be one when I travel. I'd rather be a good ambassador for the US.
K Sep 20th 2009 7:34PM
and you're the kind of American we love. if you can party Canada-style, you're okay!
MM Aug 31st 2009 3:57PM
amen! i met a kid while traveling through spain who told me that when he went to england, he wore a canadian flag on his backpack to hide his american identity.
as someone who has traveled quite a bit in some "unfriendly" (or at least perceived so) countries and had no problem, i got a bit, er, tiffed.
my response, "if I can be American, Jewish, Israel-born and a woman in Palestine, Egypt, Morocco, Turkey, Cyprus, and Jordan, you can be American as a white male in London."
not to be self-righteous or anything, ha :-P. we've all lied at one point or another while traveling, I just hate that people just assume Americans are hated everywhere!
Ladyexpat Sep 1st 2009 4:15AM
I'm an expat Canadian. Someone can have my place in the health care system.
Seriously, I am still proud of my country, but I never wear any kind of flag. I never and I probably never will.
Joao Almeida Sep 1st 2009 11:19AM
In Vietnam is so easy to find americans-acting-as-canadians.
JP Sep 1st 2009 2:03PM
Sean,
You should be proud that so many Americans adore your country by wearing Canadian flags. Let's be real though, in some areas, Americans are despised more than any nationality in the world. For one, Americans have placed their foothold throughout the world unlike any other nation - politically, economically, socially and militarily - we can debate the intentions and whether it's evil or causing suffering at another time...But to deny that fact that Americans "aren't as hated as they think" is total opinion.
Factually speaking, when is the last time a Canadian, German or British Embassy overseas was attacked by terrorists? Do we forget 9/11 already? I know there have been terrorist attacks in other nations, but the magnitude and targeting of Americans has been greater than any other "Western" nation. Yes there have been the Madrid bombings and the incidents recently in Jakarta. But do we forget the US Embassy bombings, kidnappings and high jacking of a TWA flight in Lebanon in the 1980s? How about USS Cole? What about the US Embassy bombings in the late 1990s in Africa that put al-Qaeda on the map?
It's true suicide bombs and fragmentations have no discrimination on race or nationality. But unfortunately for many Americans, they have been targets of kidnapping, victims of bombings, and other unfortunate events, particularly overseas. It is true other Westerns are constantly targeted as well, but to have the title of being perceived as public enemy #1 would make some Americans double think who they say they are "Americans" to. Plus most Americans can't pull off British or Aussie accents - so we default to Canada. You’re right in the sense that most people throughout the world are more than helpful and cordial to all nationalities. But the truth is, Americans have been, and will continue to be targets of opportunities - that’s just life outside the Western world and sometimes being a “Canadian” can save that. So here’s to you and the rest of the Canadians – thanks for being such a good neighbor! Please don’t take offense.
Just another proud American…