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Galley Gossip: A letter from a frequent flyin', two-timin', cheat!
Dear Airline, 
I remember the first day we met. It was love at first flight. We've shared countless hours together- oh the places we've gone. It's been bumpy at times, but I always stuck up for you when people called you old and grumpy. I even stuck by you when you dropped service to Providence, my home town! But lately something has changed. You don't treat me the way you used to. You started charging me for every little thing, even the things we used to enjoy for free. And now when I fly you, you seem to always be tired and give out on me before we even get anywhere. You've even gotten skimpy with the meals.
I remember the first day we met. It was love at first flight. We've shared countless hours together- oh the places we've gone. It's been bumpy at times, but I always stuck up for you when people called you old and grumpy. I even stuck by you when you dropped service to Providence, my home town! But lately something has changed. You don't treat me the way you used to. You started charging me for every little thing, even the things we used to enjoy for free. And now when I fly you, you seem to always be tired and give out on me before we even get anywhere. You've even gotten skimpy with the meals.
Well now there's someone else. I won't lie. Why you ask? Because she's not falling apart. Her meals aren't as good as yours, and sometimes I really DO miss your salty nuts, but the temptation is there. I know what you're thinking, it's that she can offer me the updated MD88 AND the MD90...and you can't! It's true, you're right.
Maybe there's still a chance for us- let's fly it out. How about a day trip together. How about a nice double mad dog Chicago turn on my next day off? Lunch and Dinner on YOU? Maybe some wine? Let me know!
An "ex" frequent flier
Dear "ex" frequent flier,
I'm not the only one who has changed. Putting the blame on me is just so typical. There you sit with your salty nuts moaning and groaning about everything I do, meanwhile you haven't put a hand in your pocket for years. You flew the lap of luxury for the cost of a coach ticket over the last ten years, never once thinking about how I'm always able to give, give, give and never ask for anything in return - other than your loyalty. As with every relationship something has to give!
While you continue seeking out the other carriers, always looking for a shinier, newer, prettier, airplane, I continue to fly the same routes day in and day out with every one of my seats occupied. Haven't you noticed that others still find me attractive and whenever you leave someone is quick to take your place?
A new airline doesn't always have more to offer, ya know? Don't you realize that regardless of the color of my paint, the order in which you board, or the snacks I serve, when it comes down to it we're all pretty much the same? That whenever you stray, you're just trading in one set of problems for a whole new set - many times an even worse set! So please, for the love of God, show a little respect and stop blatantly checking out the competition. It only makes me feel worthless, unimportant, and unloved - after all we've been through together! Seriously, how long do you think I'm going to just sit at the gate and wait for you to come to your senses? And do you actually believe I'll accept your apology when you come crawling back for more? Because we both know you will. You always do.
Instead of flying it out, why don't you keep flying your new sweet little airline. Honestly, I can't wait to see how long that lasts. I'll bet money your little airline goes bust and you find yourself back on the road to qualifying miles. Sooner or later you'll learn all that glitters isn't gold, and then you'll be right back to what you know. Yeah, I may be old and I may even be a little grumpy at times, but I still have what you want; cheap flights, decent service, and more routes than that new airline of yours!
Love,
The Old Airline.
P.S. Just because she says she's a virgin doesn't mean she is!
| Try to work things out. There's a reason they've been together for so long! | |
|---|---|
| Move on. It's over and nothing is going to change that. | |
| Keep cheating. The airline won't do anything about it |
Filed under: Airlines, Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 2)
Heather Poole Aug 26th 2009 12:40PM
LAWYERCHICK - You crack me up!
Donna Hull Aug 27th 2009 10:10AM
Love the funny post, Heather. Thanks for today's laugh.
frank96 Aug 28th 2009 6:18PM
Thanks, Heather!
Last week's column was tough on me. Yet, telling it was hopefully educational to my colleagues who read this site.
So glad you LIGHTENED the mood this week. Our careers are about humor as well, and yours is very WITTY.
Your column continues to be one of my "favorites".
Gary-Consultant, minor league ref, family member Aug 28th 2009 4:21PM
Loyalty goes both ways. I remember flying coast to coast for $199 but sitting in first because of all the times I paid full fare for the 500 mile hop. Then again, I think I knew every one of US' Crazy-8's thru the 90's and thanks to the reps that served my dermatologist clients, I always had skincare samples for FA's and counter agents.
I just don't see the airlines rewarding loyalty any more--especially to the point where it even begins to make up for lousy service, subway car crowding, and price differentials big enough that clients won't pay.
It's not just the airlines. It's such a pain in you know where to get thru an airport in general that I drive when it's feasible. When I wasn't babysitting doctors, I reffed minor league hockey. I used to carry my bag on and know that everything would arrive with me. Now I can't even do that because the lethal weapons I now have to check are--ice skates. I hold my breath until the luggage comes out.
Besides, outside of the upgrades and club passes, I always thought FF programs were pretty much worthless. The last thing a truly frequent flyer wants is--another trip! There were plenty of times I swore I'd give 30,000 miles just for a chance to sleep at home in my own bed!
frank96 Sep 1st 2009 8:28PM
LOL
This article has me laughing. And here's why. It has elements of a practical joke I played on another Flight Attendant last year. Passenger....Flight Attendant....looking for a relationship.
On a trip last year, I made my way down to the lobby of the layover hotel. I noticed one of my co-workers on the lobby computer. As I looked over her shoulder, I noticed that she was on EHarmony.com. She was checking her matches. Looking over profiles and pictures. I laughed and said, "My gawd, you live in NYC and you cant meet anyone?" "Too many losers", she said. With that, we went to work. She was working first class. I was working coach.
During the beverage service, I noticed a very attractive man sitting in the emergency exit row. I smiled and thought.......Hmmmm. With that I said to him, "Are you up for a practical joke?" He smiles and says, "sure". I explained the EHarmony thing and he says, "I'll take it from there."
Upon deplaning, we both were standing at the front door saying, buh-bye, bye, bye. The guy approaches the Lead Flight Attendant and says, "Arent YOU on EHarmony?....and continues to say, "we're a perfect match!" She about faints and says, NOOOOO WAYYYYY. Meanwhile, I'm still standing next to me, smiling and saying, good bye. With that, he smiles and leaves. After all the passengers leave, she runs for her cellphone to call friends. I finally had to go to the back of the aircraft, enter one of the lav's and let out a BIG LAUGH.
God, that was fun.