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Galley Gossip: Just a few things a flight attendant doesn't want to hear
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1. BRACE! - I'll bet you there wasn't a flight attendant in the world who did not open their flight manual and review the ditching procedures right after seeing what an amazing job the US Airways crew did evacuating a flight after landing in the Hudson River. On my last flight from New York to Chicago, out of La Guardia, you better believe I felt for my life vest under my jumpseat and did a quick 30 second review of our emergency evacuation procedures before take-off. While I know what I have to do, do you know you should do when the flight crew yells BRACE!
2. QUICK, I NEED A BARF BAG! - The last time I heard these dreaded words I happened to be standing in the first class galley. A passenger from coach came running all the way up the aisle and proceeded to throw up all over the lead flight attendant who was holding an open plastic bag, two commuting flight attendants sitting on the jumpseat, the cockpit door, the first class galley counter, and all over the linoleum floor. The sick woman pretty much made a semi-circle from the entry door to the coffee pots, hitting everything in sight - except for me, thank God. I felt really bad for her. I felt even worse for the other flight attendants. But it was Chris, a fellow coworker, who got the worst of it. When he bent over to clean up the vomit with a little shovel and crystals that turn barf into a foamy gel, his cell phone fell out of his starched shirt pocket and smack dab into the mess.
3. I PROBABLY FLY MORE THAN YOU DO - That's the phrase that bothers my friend Anthony, a flight attendant for a foreign carrier, the most. It's what usually follows next that bothers me - I'M A (insert frequent flier status here)! Even so, that doesn't give you the right to do whatever it was you were doing that you were asked to stop doing, something you already know you shouldn't be doing, given the miles you've flown. Now turn it off and put it away.
4. CAN I HAVE A GLASS OF WATER - SO I CAN TAKE A PILL Passengers don't realize how quickly airplanes are turned around. Before I even have a chance to stow my crew bags and check the emergency equipment to make sure that it's there and working, passengers are already making their way down the aisle to their seats. Boarding is by far the busiest time for a flight attendant. Half the time we haven't even had a chance to set up the galley when passengers, five seconds after walking aboard the airplane, come running to the back of the aircraft to ask for "pill water." Which is why we sometimes look a little flustered by the request.
5. SO DOES THAT MEAN THE ALCOHOL IS FREE? Whenever an announcement is made that there's going to be a delay, nine times out of ten a passenger (or four) will ask if the alcohol is free, and freak out when it's not free, because when it rains or snows or the airplane has a mechanical, free alcohol is always the solution. I mean who doesn't want to get trapped in a flying tube for hours on end with a bunch of drunk passengers?
6. YOU'RE HOLDING US HOSTAGE! Luckily the only passenger I've ever heard use this phrase was celebrity passenger who is known for her magazine and television show. She made this announcement years ago in the first class galley after sitting on the tarmac in New York for over an hour due to icy weather conditions at the airport. We were flying to Bermuda. After the crew explained that we could not go back to the gate and lose our spot for take-off just for her she eventually sat back down and surprisingly did not say another word. My coworker Florence, who found herself with a three hour air traffic control hold in Chicago on a full Super80 flight with hysterical passengers - two who were claustrophobic and one who kept threatening to sue because the airline was holding him hostage, announced, 'And how do you think I feel?" My sentiments exactly. No one likes a delay, including flight attendants.
7. ARE THERE ANY FIRST CLASS SEATS AVAILABLE? Recently a woman asked me this question on a flight from New York to San Francisco because her headsets didn't work at her seat and she refused to move to another aisle seat in coach unless her husband could sit right beside her. The flight was full. Trust me when I tell you that if you feel the need to ask this question, the answer is no. Flight attendants do not upgrade passengers. Gate agents are the only ones with upgrading power, so those are the people you need to schmooze. But keep in mind that not only is there a standby list for those oh-so-precious premium seats, and each and every passenger on that list knows exactly where their name is on the list, there are very strict rules about moving passengers from coach to first class when there are seats available.
8. CAN YOU HELP ME GET MY BAG IN THE OVERHEAD BIN? For those of you who follow my blog, this question was addressed in my post, flight attendant pet peeve #3: you want me to do what? Simply put, unless you are an unaccompanied minor, elderly or handicapped and your bag is not too heavy, I will not put the bag in the bin. What I will do is help you find a place for the bag. I may assist you in getting the bag inside the bin, but the key word here is assist, people, as in team effort, because I will not do it for you.
9. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO FOOD / WE HAVE TO PAY FOR FOOD / YOU RAN OUT OF MY PREFERRED FOOD CHOICE? Exactly that - there's no food, you have to pay for food, or we ran out of your preferred food choice - nothing more. It's not personal. It's business. So whatever you do, please don't get mad at me, I'm just the messenger. Trust me when I tell you that flight attendants dread passing this message along to you. We already know how you're going to respond. So just where did the service go? Unfortunately it disappeared along with those high ticket prices, which is why we're now all stuck inside the flying metal tube together. Can't we all just get along, regardless of the food situation?
10. ON MY LAST FLIGHT... These four little words are just the beginning of what I like to call "the bad response," which is the response I often get whenever I tell someone what I do for a living. Ya see these four oh-so-innocent words will now be followed by a pause, which will then be accompanied by a weird look, which of course leads to a very bad story about their last flight. Needless to say, the conversation usually doesn't go so well after this. How can it? I've now been linked to the worst flight this person has ever had.
11. (From creepy pilot) ANYONE WANT A BACK RUB? Uh - no! I don't think so. Now here's your coffee. Get back in the cockpit and stay there! This question came from my favorite pilot, Bob, the singing pilot, who is so not creepy at all, even though he did write a song about me - Lay across your jump seat, Heather.
12. HERE, TAKE THIS DIAPER? I'll take the diaper, but only if you'll work the beverage cart. Seriously, the last thing I want to touch is a dirty diaper (or crumpled snot rag) when I serve people food and drinks for a living. It's just not sanitary to do such a thing. Look, I have a two year-old who travels often, so I know how it is, I know it's not easy, but you're going to have to keep the diaper at your seat until the aisle is clear and you can dispose of it properly in the lavatory trash receptacle.
13. WHEN DO WE GET THERE (During boarding) As I stand in the aisle and stare blankly at my watch, I'm trying to remember where we are right now, because I've been to several cities already, and where are we going again? Oh yeah, now I'll just add the flying time, subtract the time change, and while I'm doing this passengers are flagging me down for "pill water" and asking me to help stow their bags. "Don't they know what time they land when they buy their ticket?" asked Lynne, a fellow coworker. "Honestly, flight attendants only know what time they have to report to the airplane." Sad, but true.
14. CAN YOU BREAK A $100? Uh-no! Which is exactly why you're asking. Whenever somebody asks me to break a large bill, I make it a point to find the change, even if I have to go through the cabin begging each and every passenger to help me out. Usually passengers who carry big bills are trying to score a free headset, drink, or snack. Oh I know exactly what they're doing. And don't ask me for change every five seconds in flight, either. I don't have it. I'll get it to you as soon as possible. I'm not going anywhere. I promise!
15. WHERE ARE WE? On the airplane. Honestly, I don't know where we are when I'm working a flight. I don't have a chance to sit and stare out the window. What I do know is that we're not there yet and the man in 24B would like a diet coke and his wife would like a glass of water - no ice, and that there are at least 50 more passengers behind you left to serve, before we pull the cart back up to the front of the aircraft and throw it all away. Please don't make me walk all the way to the back of the aircraft, not when I'm in the middle of the service, just to call the cockpit and find out where we are - approximately, because we won't be there for long and you know you're going to ask me again, because we're still not there yet.
Other tales from the skies
Amazing and insane stories from a real-life flight attendant and co-pilot
Filed under: Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 36 of 36)
pj Feb 3rd 2009 1:37AM
The ranting flight attendants should take an English class instead of complaining about their passengers ignorance. You can't spell or make complete sentences. And your comments have to be read repeatedly to determine any kind of meaning ( other than your bitchy attitudes.) You ARE in customer service. You are in the real world. Passengers on an airplane are not there to make you happy. Get over yourselves. You are doing a job. If you want to be treated with respect, give it. We are not impressed with your knowing smiles to each other or your snide comments. Only in your own minds does getting one over on the passenger make you more important.
Ron Feb 3rd 2009 10:39AM
You missed an apostrophe -- "passengers" should read "passengers'". Enjoy the English class.
Steve Feb 3rd 2009 2:50AM
Thanks for what you wrote. It reminded me of a book I once read, "Around the World in a Bad Mood." It was written by a very funny member of your profession.
I think that if people simply treated others in the same fashion in which they wished to be treated, the world would be far more pleasant. I am unaware of any occasion when being kind to someone was fatal. I also think that there are some people who need to open their eyes and see what's going on in the world around them. They might notice if someone near them needs a helping hand, and, can you imagine, maybe even provide it!
My point is that we all need to pay attention, be respectful, be kind, and help those around us who need it. It's up to us, cuz for most of us, our mom's aren't following us around reminding us how to behave!
Ron Feb 3rd 2009 10:46AM
Next time, ship your smelly, mangy dog in the cargo hold.
Richard Feb 9th 2009 9:00PM
I find all this back and forth fascinating. I drive a city bus for a living(lowly for some, I guess) and I am certainly amused by what I read in these comments. I can understand the frustration felt by the flight attendants, yet, I guess I don't see why you hang onto that frustration. I've been driving in the same city for 20 years and while my clientel(forgive my spelling if I make a mistake) are only city folk, I deal with some of the problems I see here. Reading all this makes me very happy to be where I am. Seems the flying public is a little more spoiled than the riding public.
Jeanette Feb 11th 2009 3:27PM
While I stumbled across this website through a very negative thread, I really enjoy reading some of the stories here. It also saddens me how big of jerks are out there in the general population.
Why is it that people think they have the right to act like a first class ass as soon as they walk into an airport? I'll tell you, there is no way I could do the job of a TA or FA because I'd tell too many people to take a long walk off a short pier.
You can choose to live your life remembering all the negative things or you can relish in the memories of the positive. Of all the times I've flown, there has yet to be something so bad as to cause me to berate a total stranger for circumstances beyond both of our control.
If you treat people like they are valuable human beings, you will find they will be more than willing to do whatever they can to help. Two particular stories come to mind for me.
The first one happened just this past holiday season. The Pacific Northwest was a nightmare because of the weather. I live in Seattle and was stranded in Vegas and just wanted to get back so I didn't end up spending Christmas alone in a hotel room. Flights going into Seattle and Portland were being cancelled left and right. I understand the logic, it's for safety but to say that I wasn't at least a little disappointed at the fact they couldn't get me back until 11pm on Christmas day would be a lie. So, I made the best of what I could and flew to Chicago to be with my mom, which was where I was orginally supposed to go after a short stop off at home after Vegas. So things worked out well. When I called to book a flight back to Seattle, I had someone who was more than willing to accomodate me. She even volunteered information that if I wanted to spend like $30 bucks more, she could get me booked in first class. And yes, it's $30 but when are you going to be able to fly first class from Chicago to Seattle for $280? She apologized for any inconvience. I told her thank you but none of us control the weather. We chatted for a few and I hung up feeling good about my experience. (Alaska Airlines)
Second experience was flying on Northwest Seattle to Hawaii. I found a first class fare at a very reasonable price so, what the heck, I'm going in style! When the FA came to me during boarding and asked me if I wanted a drink, I laughed and said oh yes, it will help calm me. He asked why and I told him I had a bad flight once and since then, I get nervous about flying. That guy was amazing to me for the whole flight. We chatted quite a bit and he just kept asking if there was anything he could do to make me more comfortable. While that experience was pleasant enough, imagine my surprise getting a phone call from him the next day telling me I had left my iPod and Bose headphones on the plane. During the course of our first interaction, I remember telling him when I would be coming back to the mainland and he had commented that he would see me then. So when I boarded my return flight, imagine my pleasure to find my left behind items packed nicely in a gift bag sitting on my seat.
Treat people like people and you'll be amazed at how well you are treated in return.
Jeanette Feb 11th 2009 5:34PM
After reading the majority of these posts, I have to ask people who travel, what is wrong with you?
Seriously, a bit of planning goes a long way. To the masses of you who want to bitch about needed that "pill water", simple, bring it yourself. And to those who whine about not wanting to pay for it in the airport, that's your decision to risk not being able to take your meds on time because you are cheap. Or, you do know you can bring on as many 3oz bottles you can stuff into a quart bag... so get some 3oz bottles and fill them with water.
I have special needs as well but I don't leave it up to chance that someone else will be able to take care of them for me. I have specific dietary guidelines that require me to take protein supplements. My favorite ones are liquids, but we all know we can't carry them on. Buck up and find solutions to your "problems." This law has been around for a while.
If you are too cheap to do what it takes to make sure your needs are met, you have no one to blame but yourself. And hey, if you don't use that bottle of water or veggie sandwich, you have it for tomorrow.
Most of the complaints really sound like the rantings of two year olds.
Cancun Feb 13th 2009 6:03PM
I think FAs are taken for granted and under paid. Then, they are expected to make hundreds of strangers happy, feel safe and well served while acting as public relation's professionals of the airline that they represent. All FAs are respected & welcome to a discount at the "Cabin in the Sky" oceanfront Top Floor corner unit at: www.CancunTopFloor.com Last minute Get Aways are facillitated to fit your lifestyle.
Just a small token of appreciation to a great group!
Syd Feb 14th 2009 9:14PM
"The busiest time for the flight attendant is when the plane is loading," said Heather, complaining about "pill water." She had already said she's not there to help you put your luggage up.
I put a comment in here a few weeks ago, and then took seven flights. I thought maybe my initial reaction to these comments was overblown. NOT SO.
I saw only one flight attendant on any of those seven flights doing ANYTHING but standing there as I entered the plane. (She was using a calculator, but soon finished and began the standing there bit.)
A US Air attendant flirted with someone while an elderly woman with a three footed cane tried to put a small bag up in the luggage rack right under the attendant's nose. Finally I helped her do it.
Yesterday on Southwest to San Diego, we had to exit the plane after boarding, wait for another plane, and board again. K. with the blonde pony tail chatted with passengers throughout both boardings.
Maybe it's only seven flights and that isn't scientific, but it seems to me that by the time the passengers board, there's absolutely nothing for the attendants to do until it's time to close the luggage compartment doors.
Any time we go back to the rear of the plane and find flight attendants reading magazines, we are finding people off the job. As I said in my first post, these people are being paid roughly TWICE per hour what they pay the teachers who teach your children to read...How would you like to go into a classroom and find the teacher reading "Vogue"?
Heather Poole Feb 14th 2009 9:17PM
I can't answer for anyone but myself, but as far as flight attendants getting paid more than teachers, try adding in all the time we spend between flights and the time we're in our hotels - not at home with our families - TIME WE'RE NOT PAID, and that probably adds up to about $5 an hour. And yes, I chose the job and I still love it. Sorry you've had such an awful time of it. I'll write about flight attendant pay in an upcoming post so be sure to check back
enrique Feb 15th 2009 2:35PM
Hi , I usually read Kent's blog, but gave yours a try. Im actually an intern for a an airline out of MIA and travel a lot now. I admire your hard/fun work and I am sympathetic on some of the things you wrote about, like people asking about WHAT TIME DO WE GET THERE? How can people not know? Its on their boarding tickets and its probably going to be said on the PA announcement.
My 2cents right there.
carrie Feb 16th 2009 2:02PM
I am amazed at all the rantings & ravings of the FAs & the cluelessness of the passengers. Being in a service business is about SERVICE. As a waiter/bartender I have seen it all and the FAs have it easy in the complaint department. If I am slow or unsmiling or get the order wrong my tip shows it (even if its not my fault, i.e. kitchen). The customer has a direct way to express their displeasure. On an airplane, you get what you get, & you paid full price for it. In advance.
Dealing with the public requires patience & kindness, a sense of humor & a let it go attitude. Resenting the customers & treating everyone like cattle in the air or on the ground will result in a lot of unhappy people. People want to feel special. Even a small gesture can go a long way. Refill my water. Randomly ask me if everything is ok. When you are out of blankets tell me you'll ask the pilot to adjust the temperature. Who cares if he can or he can't or you do or you don't ask him? You made me feel like I rate.
Expecting passengers or customers to be anything but themselves (considerate, rude, polite, drunk etc, or not) is always going to disappoint. You will also get back from a customer exactly what you put into the transaction. Suck it up if you're in the service business.
And FAs: you have it easy! Customers are ALOT more demanding & demeaning to a server in a restaurant & bar than on any airplane. You also have an endless supply of customers for every one you piss off. A restaurant or bar will either fire you or flat out close if you keep pissing off the customers. You wind up kissing ass a lot more and you get regular customers who just love the place but are complete JERKS that you have to see & serve all the time. With a smile.
I think it should be a federal mandate for everyone to spend one summer working in a restaurant and one summer in a retail store. It would make everyone much better customers.
Kim Feb 24th 2009 8:28PM
I agree with your comment on everyone spending a summer in a restaurant and in a retail store.... I'm not so sure I'd judge the "difficultness" of the two jobs, though till you yourself have done both. When you are on the ground, you can always go to the kitchen to get away from someone who is a pain in the a... and to vent. Not so easy on a plane, though. Also, on the ground, you get to have a scheduled lunch or 15 minute break where you are completely away from your customers (for regrouping purposes). Not so easy on a plane, either.....
rob Mar 17th 2009 1:34PM
Your silly diatribe really shows YOU have little comprehension or understanding of what Federally Mandated Regulations Cabin Crew work under to remain compliance with the FAA in this country. It isn't all about You sweetie......hang my coat NOW, I need a drink, you are in my way etc. You may not be privy to all the work and compliance rules and regulations (although many people seem to think THEY KNOW OUR JOBS) so until Y-o-u Walk In Our Shoes, shut up and find alternate means of transportation. And don't concern Yourself with what Our Pay is!