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Make your flight (and mine) easier this holiday season
The holidays are coming, and people will be flying. If you're one of them, instead of feeling angry and entitled in every line in which you late, make a concerted effort to improve your surroundings. No, I'm not talking about picking up garbage or holding the door for some old lady who will punish you with tales of her grandchildren's accomplishments. Take small steps to become more efficient. You-and everyone around you-will spend less time in line, and you might just be almost happy with your trip. Rule #1
If you see someone who looks like he travels regularly, do what he does. If he takes his license out of his wallet before reaching the security line, you should too. Did he just remove his laptop from his bag? Guess what ... you'll probably want to take yours from your bag. You can't go wrong by copying someone who's obviously smarter than you are.
Rule #2
Don't prepare for the security stop when you've already bellied up to the X-ray machine. While you're in line, do the following:
1. Pull your laptop out of your bag (if you have one)
2. Take your ID (license or passport) out of your pocket, bag, etc.; hold it with your boarding pass
3. Empty your pockets into your carry-on; do the same with your watch, cell phone and any heavy jewelry
4. Remove your shoes, and carry them on top of your laptop
5. Repeat #4 with your coat and hat
Now, you have a stack of personal belongings on top of your laptop. Carry them like you did your books back in 
grade school. You can drop the laptop into one bin for the X-ray machine, pick up the clothing and drop them in the next bin. It's fast. It's easy. It doesn't leave you screwing around while people are waiting.
Rule #3
Unless you're moving, don't pack like you're moving. If you can't carry it, don't bring it. This is just common sense. Bringing gifts to family members you see rarely? Mail the packages. Hell, with the cost of extra baggage right now, it's probably cheaper to engage UPS for this anyway.
Rule #4
Eating at the food court instead of home? This makes sense. After all, the long lines force us all to go to the airport earlier ... just in case. There are more of us than usual, and we're all friggin' hungry. So, why the hell does someone who's in line for an hour wait, ponder and stutter when placing an order? Next time you're jammed up at Wendy's, use those 30 minutes in line to think about what you want. By the time someone asks if you want fries with your burger, you should already know the answer.
Rule #5
Forget every rule of good parenting. Sometimes, you need to let your kid cry to learn a lesson. Here's the problem: we don't need to learn that lesson, too. Do what it takes to keep your kid under control. If that means coloring books, candy or ... dare I say it ... active parenting, do it. Do what it takes. Your round trip involves two days of your kid's childhood. Whatever you do for the sake of expediency will not make a lasting impression.
Rule #6
Know when to quit. We all love to scream at airline employees, and we know they are lying to us. When they say that weather caused the problem on a sunny day, when they say that there are no more exit row seats, when they say the flight is overbooked ... we just know it's bullshit. So, we fight. Sometimes, it works. Appeasement in the form of flight vouchers, hotel stays and free meals sometimes flow. But, at a certain point, you need to know when to stop. If you're on a full flight of people with super-triple-platinum status (and you're not), don't expect to get a damned thing. Accept that you will lose.
Fighting the good fight is okay, but at a certain point, you lose the crowd's sympathy. Be aware that people who look like serial killers don't often get what they want (or need).
You're more likely to have a safe and happy holiday season if you follow my advice. So, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks, and I encourage you not to be a moron once you pass through those automatic sliding doors. It happens to all of us, but maybe if we all make that genuine attempt not to make airport life worse, we'll all have a better time.
grade school. You can drop the laptop into one bin for the X-ray machine, pick up the clothing and drop them in the next bin. It's fast. It's easy. It doesn't leave you screwing around while people are waiting.Rule #3
Unless you're moving, don't pack like you're moving. If you can't carry it, don't bring it. This is just common sense. Bringing gifts to family members you see rarely? Mail the packages. Hell, with the cost of extra baggage right now, it's probably cheaper to engage UPS for this anyway.
Rule #4
Eating at the food court instead of home? This makes sense. After all, the long lines force us all to go to the airport earlier ... just in case. There are more of us than usual, and we're all friggin' hungry. So, why the hell does someone who's in line for an hour wait, ponder and stutter when placing an order? Next time you're jammed up at Wendy's, use those 30 minutes in line to think about what you want. By the time someone asks if you want fries with your burger, you should already know the answer.
Rule #5
Forget every rule of good parenting. Sometimes, you need to let your kid cry to learn a lesson. Here's the problem: we don't need to learn that lesson, too. Do what it takes to keep your kid under control. If that means coloring books, candy or ... dare I say it ... active parenting, do it. Do what it takes. Your round trip involves two days of your kid's childhood. Whatever you do for the sake of expediency will not make a lasting impression.
Rule #6
Know when to quit. We all love to scream at airline employees, and we know they are lying to us. When they say that weather caused the problem on a sunny day, when they say that there are no more exit row seats, when they say the flight is overbooked ... we just know it's bullshit. So, we fight. Sometimes, it works. Appeasement in the form of flight vouchers, hotel stays and free meals sometimes flow. But, at a certain point, you need to know when to stop. If you're on a full flight of people with super-triple-platinum status (and you're not), don't expect to get a damned thing. Accept that you will lose.
Fighting the good fight is okay, but at a certain point, you lose the crowd's sympathy. Be aware that people who look like serial killers don't often get what they want (or need).
You're more likely to have a safe and happy holiday season if you follow my advice. So, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks, and I encourage you not to be a moron once you pass through those automatic sliding doors. It happens to all of us, but maybe if we all make that genuine attempt not to make airport life worse, we'll all have a better time.
Filed under: Airports, Consumer Activism
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Bert Dec 21st 2008 12:12PM
That parka, gloves, scarf, hat you are wearing is effectively a carry on item.
bill Dec 21st 2008 12:30PM
Excellent advice; additionally, get a travel vest, with lots of pockets; it hauls a bunch of stuff and you can throw it in the plastic bucket as one item, instead of the time-consuming hassle of emptying and refilling all your pockets. A vest will hold just about everything small except a laptop and your shoes.
Jamie Rhein Dec 21st 2008 5:38PM
Bill, I like the idea of a travel vest to keep goods in order.
Tom Johansmeyer Dec 21st 2008 5:41PM
I'm all for anything that makes the process faster. Maybe we need an express line, like the grocery store.
ann Dec 22nd 2008 4:44PM
Telling people it is fun to fight with the airline employees only makes them act worse. How do you feel about your article causing someone to get hit? It is not part of my job description to be the publics punching bag. Please don't give me that crap about quiting my job if I don't like it. I like my job, I just don't like being physically and verbally abused for something I didn't do and have no way of fixing. The last time you can quit your job because you don't like it is when you are a teenager with no real responsibilities. The rest of us have to provide for a family. I imagine most people can't just quit their job.
Leila Dec 23rd 2008 8:28AM
Put your shoes on top of your lap top!? Well I guess, Mr. Johansmeyer, that shows what kind of equipment you own ;)
Tom Johansmeyer Dec 23rd 2008 8:29AM
Are you talking about the quality of my shoes, or the quality of my laptop? Eh ... probably doesn't matter, given the holes in both.
johnmc Dec 23rd 2008 6:52PM
Overall, good list - especially number 5, and this is speaking as a parent who has taken a 3 yr. old transatlantic. One issue - on the weather thing, sure, it may be all sunshine and flowers where you are, but what about where you're going or where the plane you're taking is right now?