A very thoughtfully written column, Kent. I have been seeing a divorced airline pilot for about 3 years. He lives in the UK, I in the US. Luckily his airline has two flights a day to my city.So he gets here often, either as operating crew or as a passenger.When he arrives, I pick him up at the airport just like any other partner picking up a loved on at the train station. Only difference is, if I get to the airport early enough I get to see him land the plane.
But we are apart a lot, naturally. Sometimes it is only for a few days.Earlier this year it was a few months due to some intense training.
We try to schedule our vacations together, but he has more vacation time than I do. That creates choices for him, like to spend his vacation hanging around my house while I work,or spend it doing something he wants to do, but doing it without me.
He also has enough seniority to put together rosters which bunch up his work days, leaving a bunch of days off together so he can stay here. While this is very nice, it does leave him pretty tired when he first arrives. Also his airline doesn't make any of the quick changes to his roster that the boyfriend of the writer of the question gets.
I don't really have a hard time managing when he's not at my house. Expectation probably has a lot to do with it. I lived on my own with my daughter for many years before we met. I am happy when he can help out with practical things when he's here; he's great with the lawnmower and has been "checked out" on my dishwasher and laundry machines. But if he isn't here, I take care of things as I always did.
I often think that what makes this relationship easier than most airline marriages is that we aren't trying to raise the same children. Those missed recitals and birthdays must be very painful. Those were the things his former wife had to deal with.

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