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Galley Gossip: Ma'am, is that a frying pan in your bag?
"Ma'am," said the TSA agent as he stared at the screen in disbelief.
I gulped. Oh no, here we go, I thought, as I stood in line and watched him sitting on the stool inspecting my bag on the screen in front of him. I smiled a friendly smile and tried to act nonchalant, as if I hadn't been dreading this moment all day. Man, I knew this was going to happen!
The TSA agent looked at me, and back at the screen. "Is that a frying pan in your suitcase?"
"Yes, sir, that is, in fact, a frying pan in my bag," I laughed.
All I could do was laugh. Not only had my grandpa given me a cast iron skillet (or two - okay three!), earlier that morning, he'd also given me a pound of potatoes from his garden in Texas. Luckily I found all the items he'd hidden in my bag before leaving for the airport. I only kept one cast iron skillet, and in my defense, it was the smallest one.
"Is everything okay?" I asked the TSA agent as he looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with another agent.
Guess not. Because now there were three agents surrounding the screen. They whispered amongst themselves and studied the frying pan with great intensity. It's just a frying pan, I wanted to say, but didn't, because now all three of them were looking at me. I, of course, just smiled and held my breath. Normally, in this kind of situation I'll crack a joke, say something silly about cooking eggs for the crew, but this time I kept my mouth shut.
NOTE: Always - ALWAYS - keep your mouth shut when TSA is inspecting your bag. And do whatever they say. Whether you like it or not.
It seemed like an eternity before the backup agents walked away from the screen. The one left sitting on the stool just shook his head and didn't say another word as the conveyor belt started to move again. When my suitcase popped out on the other side I thanked the guy and went on my merry way. That was close. Maybe a little too close.
TSA, I'm sure, has seen it all. And then some! I mean if I'm hauling a frying pan across the country, I wonder what other people are packing in their bags. It got me thinking.
"Excuse me," I said to a TSA agent standing beside me at the Wendy's counter at La Guardia airport last week. I had just ordered an iced tea, a little treat before starting a killer three-day trip flying in and out of Miami. (I still don't know what I was doing on that trip.) After explaining to the TSA agent I was in the process of writing a post about weird things people pack, I went on to ask, "What strange things have you seen on the job?"
As the TSA agent reached for a bag of food, the words, "Nothing too strange," were mumbled.
"Really?" I said. Now I was completely disappointed. Certainly this person had seen something! I handed a tired looking cashier lady two dollars and grabbed my drink. "I'm surprised to hear that."
As I punched a straw through the plastic lid, I almost didn't hear the agent mumble, "Well, there was a lady last week who..."
I spun around. "Who what? Tell me!"
"Kept setting off the security machine. We couldn't figure out what it was. Finally we had to take her aside and that's when she told us she was wearing a remote controlled (the following two words are my words - not the TSA agent's words) body massager."
My mouth dropped open and my eyes had to be bugging out of my head. "A what!"
"In her underpants," the agent said matter of fact, as if this kind of thing happened daily, before heading back to work.
Now I've never seen anything like that before, and I hope I never do, but once, while flying an international trip, I did happen upon a very strong senior mama carrying two rollaboards down a flight of stairs where the crew van awaited on the tarmac in London.
"Are you a commuter?" I asked eying both bags, one in each hand, as I stood feeling so teeny tiny beside a gigantic 767.
"No, sweetie, this is my Cappuccino maker," the flight attendant said, nodding at the bag on the right. "I make coffee for the crew in the mornings in my room. You're welcome to join us if you'd like."
And I did join in for coffee the next morning, since our layover rooms did not have coffee makers. Just tea pots. We were in London, remember? Thirteen years later I can say that toting a coffee maker across the ocean is not the norm. However, it's not-not the norm either, because when relaying this story to another flight attendant she laughed and said, "What about flight attendants who bring their sewing machines with them on their layovers?"
Apparently we have a hat maker amongst our ranks.
While I've never met the hat guy, I did watch in shock as a flight attendant carried a very large item through airport security and onto the airplane. I must add that the flight attendant dragging the monstrous machine also wore a wet lopsided bee hive of a bun on the side of her head. I couldn't decide which was more disturbing, the item being hauled through the airport or the hair.
Crazy is on the plane, each and every flight, but usually crazy is sitting in a seat and waiting for a drink - not working the other side of the cart. With me.
"Excuse me, ma'am" I said to the flight attendant with the screwy bun, channeling the TSA agent above. "Is that a vacuum cleaner attached to your bag?"
What other strange things have been found on planes?
Filed under: Airlines, Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 3)
nic Aug 10th 2008 9:04PM
a sad day when a present from relatives makes you sweat at the airport.
Rttou Aug 8th 2008 3:40PM
I can't help but recall a few months ago a high ranking government official was exposed nationwide in the media for having a "sex toy" in his luggage. The story appeared all over the country complete with photos of the "toy". It turns out it was a vacuum erectile dysfunction device. After making the guy look like a pervert no apology or other mention was made by the same media. I've begun to suspect this official was too serious about doing a good job and his enemies used this to discredit him. Apparently the procedure that allowed for this cruelty still exists and I'm wondering if this article inadvertently supports the system that allows it. It's a shame in a country founded to support the individual that mere individuality or even a persons private pain can be exposed and ridiculed to force him into conformity or even to destroy.
Achtman Aug 8th 2008 3:39PM
Last week waiting in the security line, my husband realized he had a Swiss Army Knife in his pocket. He took it out and put in the bin with his other belongings. No one notices, and it went with him to Michigan.
Brenda SFO Aug 8th 2008 7:48PM
That happened to my son. He had a Swiss Army flat tool knife in his wallet and we flew from SFO to Sydney to Cairns, and no one caught it until we were leaving Cairns. I thought to myself, "Jeeze, what else are they missing?"
Jack Aug 8th 2008 10:32PM
It is amazing to me what some people carry on a flight, a few years ago (pre 9-11) I was asked to participate in a military wedding so of course full dress uniform came with involving four rows of medals, all well and good, what amazed me was they had no problem treating my SWORD, scabbard and case as carry on as well. How times have changed in the monhts after 9-11 my nailclippers were confiscated out of my "ditty bag"
Al Gregonis Aug 8th 2008 3:42PM
CUTE STORIES ____BUT____HOW ABOUT THE STUF TSA DOES NOT PUT BACK INTO YOUR BAG> NOTICE I DID NOT SAY STEAL
ag had two jade figurines gone from palm beach florida to orlando prove it said TSA.
Pam in Maryland Aug 8th 2008 3:49PM
Hey, my grandmother used to take all kinds of weird things back home from her visits here in Maryland to return home in San Diego. One time her quart of sweet cheeries fell out of her tote bag onto the esclator and my brother ran to the top and gathered them up as they came to the 2nd floor in Dulles Airport. She would take a box of frozen foods with her everytime of things she couldn't get in SD. King's syrup, dried corn, sausage, all sorts of stuff. She didn't use dry ice either and it made it frozen from DC to San Diego all but one time. Of course this was during the days when you could count on the airlines. Very few delays, luggage rarely got lost and airline employees were actually kind and helpful. She always had a traveling sewing project she worked strictly on when she traveled and she recorded how many thousands of miles she traveled until that quilt was finished. I'm sort of glad she died before 9/11 because she would have never been allowed to carry on her quilting sissors. She would have been heartbroken. One time several years ago I had many items to use for entertaining that I didn't want to rebuy in CA. The security people at the local tiny airport just cracked up. They wanted to know if they were invited to my party in California. This lady wasn't unusual at all. She should have brought the potatoes, I'm sure they were better than any in the grocery store.
ML Aug 8th 2008 4:25PM
I think those security checkers are out of control!!! They think they are god, and they promote people to get angry with them so that they can have you escorted out of the airport. They are on a serious power trip! I had my two year go through the security gates and she was eating a biscuit for breakfast, the agent told her that she had to take it and scan it. I told her after you scan it, you can eat if you think that I am giving this back to my daughter, and besides what danger does a biscuit have being that she was standing there watching her eat it. Then I spent nearly 30 minutes trying to calm my daughter down and explaining to her why I have to buy her another one. They are horrible!! I hate flying because of the treatment I get from these people.
Edie Aug 8th 2008 4:27PM
We recently vacationed in the Pacific Northwest and planned to camp as we traveled down the coast. When you fly somewhere and then plan to camp, it is difficult to transport what you will need. We brought with a frying pan, small stove, tent, inflatable mattress, etc. We didn't carry this equipment on. It was in our checked luggage. So I don't think a frying pan is strange at all...
erin Aug 8th 2008 4:35PM
I was going to the Bahamas this past winter with my sister and mom well my sister and I drink protean shakes so we needed a bender which yes we put in our carryon. They must have run the bag 10 times before we got the miss can you step over here please ( crap no blenders on the plane) He opens the bag digs thought to find the problem NO not a blender but a box of protein bars. So it turns out you can take a bender but not a box of bars. Who knew? The bag went thought 4 check points and no one looked for the blender. HMMMM I would think the idem with the spinning blades would be the problem.
tomtomsay Aug 8th 2008 7:48PM
erin, do you think someone will take over a plane with blades from a blender? Jeez, these people even get criticized for not taking non harmful things. If you thought it was dangerous why did you bring it on board? Let me guess, you didn't think. The reason they looked at your bag was because the protein bars showed a density, like an explosive on the x-ray. Did you get to keep them or did they steal them from you?
stpat1122 Aug 8th 2008 4:38PM
I worked at an airport as a Security checker beore
9/11 and was paid Minimum wage. We were not considered for the TSA Jobs cause we were to old
to please the Government , That is why when you
fly now you are checked by smartasses at much
more Money per Hour. As a person of Maturity
i was people oriented though thoroughly
SAFE and Sincere. I still fly but i KNOW the Difference from Expierience
rhubartsk Aug 8th 2008 4:44PM
Once I was traveling with my daughter. She was around 3yrs old. I took my sewing machine which had a soft cover. So I packed my daughters clothes all around the sewing machine to protect it from getting damaged.
Billy Aug 8th 2008 7:08PM
I used to fly for a small airline serving bush Alaska and northern Canada. I was asked by the dipatcher if it was ok for me to carry a moose. I am thinking it is a mounted head so I say Ok. As I check the load, there is a dead moose, on a pallet, covered with a tarp. Seem like some one shot this mose and was sending it to his family in Northern Canada, where they dont get moose meat. It also had postage on it, and checking the manifest I found out it was going through the US Mail.
G. Johnson Aug 8th 2008 5:04PM
The "security" thing is a joke. Anyone who actually feels more secure must like to get herded like sheep from these people who bark at you like you are some moron. Terrorists must be laughing at all the expense they have created and the "feel good" TSA.
Margy Aug 8th 2008 5:00PM
My wonderful mother used to think when she flew to relatives for a visit that it was appropriate to bring a fully dressed turkey. She would roast a stuffed bird along with all the fixings and have everything wrapped up tight and stuffed in her carry on duffel. She would arrive at the relatives and everyone would have a ready prepared Thanksgiving type meal no matter the time of year.
F14Tom Aug 8th 2008 5:03PM
hey writer.... the guy reached for a 'bag a food' ???
Where did you learn grammar?
Heather Poole Aug 8th 2008 5:25PM
HEY EDITOR (F14Tom) - Made the change. Thanks for pointing that out. Can I start sending you all my posts before posting? :)
WRITER
Margaret Aug 8th 2008 5:35PM
These problems happen when you give little people big power. There is absolutely no reason to abuse passengers in this manner. It does not make us safer and does not make us calmer when you have to run the gauntlet of TSA. The stress of air travel is now unbelievable. Any methods used to reduce this should start with the TSA. They're a joke.
Joe Aug 8th 2008 6:01PM
Wonder how many people fly for fun now? I only
fly in a have to case.