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Galley Gossip: Naked on a plane - everything you ever wanted to know, and more...
I can't remember the precise destination we were working, but what I do remember was the shocked look on my coworkers face when he came running up to the first class galley and exclaimed, "There's a naked woman in coach!"
"What!" two of us cried in unison.
Needless to say, the breakfast service was now on hold. How could we serve bagels when there was a nekkid lady aboard the flight? Into the oven the bread went, and off and running we went, ignoring any passengers who may have tried to wave us down as we headed straight to the the back of the airplane, a blur of four dressed in blue.
"There she is. The last row," said one of my coworkers as we neared the last row.
"Oh my god," I remember thinking, or saying, I can't remember, it was just too crazy to remember. What I do remember is she was young, cute, and naked. College aged, I'd say.
Now this was pre 9/11, so the flight was empty, and the thought of terrorists were the furthest from our minds. The only thing on our minds, besides this naked lady, was why in the world the lady would get naked on the airplane in the first place? Unfortunately, we would never find out.
Quietly the young woman sat in her seat with the seat belt buckled across her...umm...naked...lap, and smiled. I think I may have smiled back, but in all honesty, I can't remember. I mean we're talking naked lady here!
The one not wearing clothes had decided to take it all off right after she exited the lavatory, which was right after the flight attendants in coach had pulled the beverage cart up to the front of the coach cabin. Totally naked, as in one hundred percent nude, she sat down in the last row, which was where she continued to sit, naked and alone, until the flight attendants rolled the cart back to her seat. I'm sure there was quite a loud gasp from the one placing a napkin on the tray table when he realized what it was that hid behind the table.
We all stood there, hovering over the woman and nodding in agreement. Never in a thousand years would I have ever dreamed I'd be listening to a coworker ordering a passenger to get dressed. To help open an emergency exit, maybe. To put on a pair of panties, never.
Each of us tried to coax the woman back into her clothes, but she wasn't having it, not when she had other things in mind, like returning to her original seat. Which normally would be fine. However climbing over the seats, three rows of them, naked, was not fine.
Now that wasn't my only naked passenger experience. Thirteen years ago when I worked for Sunjet, a low cost carrier, an elderly woman decided to take off all of her clothes and then she decided to get off the "bus" by trying to open the emergency exit in flight. This, of course, scared the heck out of the passengers seated nearby, who watched in horror as she pulled on the door, a door that can not be opened, no matter how hard one tries, in flight.
Why all this talk about naked passengers? Iva Skoch's post, Passenger strips nude, tries to open emergency exit, led me to start writing about my own personal experiences, which in turn led to a little research on flying nude, which has resulted in an awful lot of information about flying in the buff.
Obviously, the passengers mentioned above weren't exactly...well...they just weren't well! I mean normal people, at least the normal people I know, don't take it all off on a flight. But for those of you who are...umm...well...and actually interested in stripping down at 35,000 feet, you can do so one of two ways. Apparently flying "the way god intended" is all the rage in Germany right now. But if you can't get to Germany, you can hope and pray that Naked Air takes off again, like they did in 2003, and then you, too, can take it all off after take off.
WAIT....before you click the following link to visit the Naked Air Website, please be aware that there are nude photos on the site, very disturbing nude photos of naked people, naked people who should probably not be naked, based on the way they look naked - except for sneakers - on an airplane. Remember, you were warned. Now GO!
For those of you still with me, you may have a couple questions, like I did when I first realized this kind of thing was actually going on. (Someone please tell me why it is going on?) Below are a few questions and answers I pulled from the Naked Air website...
What about the flight crew and attendants...were they naked too? No... they can't be. The pilots and the flight crew will remain dressed as they always do. We need to remember that the flight crew and attendants have a serious job to do... and that's to get us to our destination safely.
Hot coffee on a nude flight? ...Ouch! For that reason we did not offer hot beverages on the flight, but we did have appropriate snacks and beverage service for the time of day that we traveled.
Hey...everyone was naked...hmm...could they do whatever they want? The Naked-Air nude flight was exactly what it were advertised as... a chance to fly nude and make a little history in the process. The flight was a lot of fun to be sure... but any sexually suggestive behavior or advances to any other passengers would have been inappropriate for this flight, and absolutely forbidden. This rule was well known by all of our passengers in advance of booking would have been strictly enforced, if necessary... but it wasn't. Nudists are nude... not lewd!
Did everyone have to get naked before they got on the plane? NO, because everybody knows that it's way too cold in the terminal building. Seriously... the basic rules were that all passengers did the check-in, went to the gate, boarded the plane just like any other flight. It's only after the plane took off and reached cruising altitude that the rules changed. Once cruising altitude was reached all the passengers were then free to get out of their clothing.
So what about hygiene and things like that? If you have ever been to a nudist or naturist resort or gathering, you would know that the one item that you are to have with you at all times, is a towel to sit on. This flight was no different. We provided special commemorative towels for that purpose, We required those towels (or our clients own towels) to be used at all times.
Still with me?
All I can say is thank god for those commemorative towels.