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No espresso in a to-go cup! No iced espresso! It's the policy, stupid.

by Iva Skoch (RSS feed) on Jul 20th 2008 at 10:00PM

Road rage is so twentieth century.

Try coffee rage instead. According to the much-publicized story of Jeff Simmermon, it sounds quite satisfying.

Simmermon, a blogger from Brooklyn, walked into Murky Coffee, a coffee shop in Arlington, VA earlier this week and asked for his summertime drink of choice: a triple espresso over ice. The barista looked at him and said "I'm sorry, we can't serve iced espresso here. It's against our policy."

Puzzled, Simmermon asked for a triple espresso and a cup of ice instead. Barista had no choice but to comply. He handed him both cups and said: "Hey man. What you're about to do ... that's really, really Not Okay."

Amidst coffee rage, Simmermon looked him right in eyes and poured the espresso onto the ice. (This is the satisfying moment, in case you are new to the coffee rage concept.)

For most coffee shop patrons accustomed to getting their signature drink at will, this would have been the last time they ever ventured into that coffee shop. Not Simmermon. An hour later, he walked back into Murky Coffee and asked for "the strongest iced beverage the policy will allow."

The barista offered "an Americano with four shots and light on the water." He filled up a plastic cup with ice, filled it 3/4 of the way with water and carefully added four shots of espresso. Apparently, diluting espresso with ice is not OK. Diluting it with water and ice is perfectly fine.

Simmermon went back home and ranted about this experience on his blog "And I am not lying". His post quickly made it through cyberspace, generating thousands of comments and inspiring even the Washington Post to write a piece about "coffee rage."

Finally, the owner of Murky Coffee made an official statement on his website:

"No modifications to the Classic Cappuccino. No questions will be answered about the $5 Hot Chocolate (during the months we offer it). No espresso in a to-go cup. No espresso over ice. These are our policies. We have our reasons, and we're happy to share them."

I don't know about you, but this whole coffee culture thing is getting a bit out of control. I don't exactly know who to side with here. The angry customer who, on one hand, wants to boycott Starbucks by giving business to small local coffee shops and, on the other hand, cannot handle not getting exactly and promptly what he wants? Or the staff of the small coffee shop which comes across as a pretentious bunch of posers?

Hmm, tough one. Based on my experience with coffee shop patrons, I am going to have to root for the coffee shop, I think.

Years ago, I actually worked at a Starbucks. Yes, I hate to admit it. It must have been one of the worst weeks of my life. The patrons of Starbucks, and probably of any coffee shop, must be collectively the worst customers of any customers out there. Imagine a group of A-plus personalities at 7am, before they get their morning coffee.

No, they don't tend to be morning people. They get to the coffee shop already pissed off. Then, they get more pissed off because they have to wait in a line, because they have to wait at all, because they coffee is too hot, lukewarm, not sweet enough, too sweet, you name it.

I once had a woman who ordered a triple-grande-skim-light-on-the-syrup-caramel-macchiato or whatever, which I made. Clearly, not to her liking. She obviously wasn't having a good morning. She tasted the coffee, looked at me and screamed: "THIS IS NOT WHAT I ORDERED," and threw the coffee in my face. Literally. I can still remember the taste of the caramel syrup dripping from my nose.

She continued screaming: "At $5 a cup, this is not even worth it!!! WHY AM I EVEN HERE???"

That was a very, very good question.

Filed under: Food and Drink, North America, United States

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Josh Jul 21st 2008 8:56AM

The coffee shops want to charge $4.50 or more for an iced latte, which is just a double espresso on ice with some milk poured over it. Customers know it's a ripoff because they can get a double espresso on ice for $2 and add a little milk, just like adding milk or cream to their coffee.

It's actually a much better-tasting drink if you get 2 shots of espresso over ice and add some cream or half and half than if you order an "iced latte". It uses less milk/cream also -- just a couple of spoonfuls.

The coffee shops get mad because it bypasses their outrageous pricing.

On a side note, 600 Starbucks are closing...

Iva Skoch Jul 21st 2008 2:14PM

I couldn't agree more. $4.50 or an iced latte is too much if you can get an iced espresso for $2 and add milk. I do that all the time. I'd rather tip the barista than pay $2,50 extra for milk.

Jay Phelan Jul 21st 2008 3:28AM

What is with these ridiculous food-serving rules?

Several years ago I had minor surgery, and I had to fast starting the evening before. After the procedure was finished, I was really hungry for breakfast, so my wife drove us to a McDonalds nearby. I ordered an Egg McMuffin, juice, coffee, and mini-cinnamon buns (my favorite). The young woman behind the counter said, "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast after 10 AM". I looked at my watch and the clock on the wall. Both said 9:57. And there was a box of cinnamon buns sitting on the warming rack in plain view! Frustrated, I asked if she'd just sell me the buns and a cup of coffee. She was insistent, even though I pointed out that it wasn't 10 AM yet, and there was still a box of buns on display. No way. I asked to speak to the manager, and she was also firm: "No breakfast after 10 AM". Of course by now it was exactly 10 AM. I nearly jumped over the counter to get those buns! My wife finally calmed me down and we drove five miles to a Waffle House where they serve breakfast 24 hours a day.

Anyone have an idea why they wouldn't sell me those buns at 9:57....or 10:00.....or anytime if they were still out on the rack? I'm sure they either ate them themselves or threw them away. I doubt they would have been as good the next morning.

Jay

Iva Skoch Jul 21st 2008 2:04PM

That's funny. I have noticed that about fast food places. It just shows you: people love rules. No matter how free we are, we'll always have the handcuffs of rules.

DocB Jul 21st 2008 4:18PM

The reason they don't serve breakfast after Xam is that they have to change out the equipment which takes a while. They are supposed to cook enough to carry them through the changeout period - but sometimes they run out. More than likely though, you just got one stubborn restaurant.

Ed Alley Jul 22nd 2008 7:07AM

Jay: My guess is that at chains like McDonald's, the cash registers have the keys programmed, so that the server can press one key for, say, hash browns, and one key for a large coffee-to save time during busy periods. Although they say "no breakfast after 10:00 am," they should say "no breakfast after we program the cash registers for our regular menu."

Holly Jul 22nd 2008 8:12AM

I can see your frustration. I think it depends on which McDonald's you're at and how the management is. Some that I go to will offer you anything that's left in the bins as long as it's already made. I have run into the same problem with it being like 9:50 and they try to say they're not serving breakfast. It's so annoying! I worked there though, and when you have batches come off the grills and you've already cleaned and prepped for lunch, you don't feel like making any more breakfast and management goes along with it because they're worried about their times. McDonald's actually times each customer's "experience" and management gets bonuses for having low average times. Unfortunately, this sometimes compromises the customer's experience.
Here's a positive note: McDonald's is in the testing phase of doing breakfast 24 hours a day! No more racing to the nearest one hoping and praying that you get there in time and there isn't a line....... they have three sites that are trying it out and it's very successful. I read that breakfast is their most profitable time of day, so of course they want to expand on that. I can't wait!!

Jay Phelan Jul 22nd 2008 7:50AM

The key explanation makes sense if they're multifunction and automatically re-program at 10 AM.

But the key labels would have to change too so that memorizing what they become at 10 AM isn't necessary. Could they be little touch computer screens these days? And if that's the case, their computer clock was fast!

Jay

Joe Jul 21st 2008 8:55AM

I read this a few days back on some other blog. I agree the coffee shop looks like it is manned by some really pretentious posers. But I'll have to side with the coffee shop on the overall issue. Customers trying to be cheap and use up the free condiments instead of paying 2 quarters for extra milk. The solutions I've seen mentioned are to move the condiments behind the barrista. Now we'll treat A-types like children, that will go over real smooth.

Josh, if someone ever threw anything at me (in an aggro manner) I would be more than pleased to have them apologize profusely or call the police. Assault is still assault in all 50 states last time I checked.

Iva Skoch Jul 21st 2008 2:11PM

I think I was too shocked to respond :-)

ojala Jul 21st 2008 8:55AM

Those "drinks" have very little to do with coffee. American "triple espresso" is "espresso" in rest of the world. To get a coffee that's not overburnt in the US is a miracle.

Coffee is defined by four M's -- macchina, macinzaione (grinder), miscela (coffee beans) and mano, not by ice, cyrap or whatever crap is added to spoil the coffee.

If you want to add something to the espresso, ristretto, macchiato or some other _real_ traditional and proven type of coffee, it's some liquir or spirit from France, Spain or Italy.

Iva Skoch Jul 21st 2008 2:09PM

I know. I tried ordering a latte in Italy in the afternoon one time. No go. They said latte is a morning drink. I got an espresso instead. It's interesting because it Italy, it didn't bother me at all. I just took it as a cultural thing one needs to respect. In the US, the land of instant gratification and the land of plenty, the whole thing somehow feels completely fake.

Darren D Maguire Jul 22nd 2008 6:32AM

I just wish my income level was high enough to buy $ 5/cup coffee, and that I had enough time to worry about coffee and how it is served...............my priorities are paying for food and gas, ie survival.

Neriyan Jul 22nd 2008 6:50AM

Personally, I have ditched Starbucks and go to Burger King for their iced coffee. I can get two for the price of one Starbucks, and I think it tastes better.

Jay, an employee probably wanted those mini buns for themselves, or the manager had already counted them as waste. When I was a manager @ BK we always served breakfast till 1030am, started lunch then, then served BOTH until 11. Just because so many people had the same problem you did.

PeanutSantiago Jul 22nd 2008 5:39PM

I can understand a "restaurant" not going to extra trouble and keeping to the rules...BUT what is so hard to pour expresso over ice...or sell already cooked breakfast buns on display after breakfast time?

Stupid people make stupid decisions.

Once I worked in a school where the kids all went up to the food kiosk yelling, pushing, and shoving... I organized the kids into a line and it was sooo much better...until somebody important made the kids go back to the old way. The teachers loved MY way...but SHE had an important job.

Like I said...stupid people...

Mary I Jul 22nd 2008 10:31AM

As an owner of a small coffeehouse, I am constantly amazed at the requests we get from our customers. In this instance, I have to side with the customer. How incredibly small of the shop to deny a customer what could reasonably be achieved given that what he wanted was already on the menu! When my customers ask for iced espresso, I give it to them, but it takes a bit of interrogation to find out what they really want. An iced americano is different than an iced espresso - we used cold-press espresso in our iced drinks while an iced americano would use hot espresso.

Still, it can be frustrating waiting on a mob of Starbucks educated coffee drinkers! When asked for a macchiato one day, I made it (espresso marked with milk) and handed it to the guy who promptly became furious as if it was my fault Starbucks names their foo-foo drinks with no regard as to what the drink actually is! We now have a menu item named 'Notte Macchiato' to pander to the Starschmucks crowd.

As far as serving espresso to go, I'll gladly do it, but I don't like to, only because of cupping issues. I've never found to-go cups small enough and with a lid, but if the customer wants it, then he can have it. In today's economy I fail to see how the small shops can stay afloat without being flexible to the consumers requests.

Dan Jul 22nd 2008 7:26AM

I'm proud to say I've never bought coffee at a Starbucks or any other speciality store. What ever happened to the customer is always right. Company policies are great, but I DON"T WORK FOR OUR COMPANY. This place Murkys should be boycotted to the point the have to close the owner has no clear concept of running a business. Rule 1. make a sale, rule 2. make a profit. As long as your spending your money in my place of business as long as it's not illeagal enjoy your coffee how ever you like it.

Kat Jul 22nd 2008 7:25AM

I've worked in coffee shops both locally owned and corporate owned for quite a few years. I don't exactly like serving espresso over ice and even less espresso shots in water (the americano is just a disgusting waste of espresso... and good water!). The reason they probably didn't want to serve the shots over ice is the fact that ice kind of "shocks" the taste of the espresso making it quite bitter beyond normal bitter flavor. However, if that's what you want, then you should have it! Coffee should not be as pretentious as it seems to have become.

Lisa Jul 22nd 2008 7:34AM

I honestly don't see what the big deal was that he wanted the espresso over ice. The Americano is a watered down excuse of a weak coffee drink. The iced espresso is also my favorite drink and despite everyone hating on Starbucks-I personally love the place! That and Peet's because there are lots of them everywhere and they aim to please. All the employees at my Starbucks know me by name, know my drink and I know I'll always be treated wonderfully but that's also because I make friends with them and genuinely engage them in conversation...when I used to work at Starbucks, it was all about customer service and our regulars loved us for it. This article acts like the customers are horrible but the author only worked there for mere weeks. I worked at Starbucks for more than a year and I've never worked anywhere else that had more loyalty from customers and regulars than I did working at Starbucks...I loved making their day and they definitely made my day!
Personally, I think if you are paying for it then you should be able to get it the way you like it. We pay for a job that is NOT highly specialized. It's called customer service for a reason. People get used to doing the bare minimum that doing anything out of the ordinary for another is already asking too much.
I volunteer quite often so I figure being nice to people and getting paid for it is just an added bonus. The coffee shop needs to get the hell over itself!
Be outraged! The coffee shop is just plain ridiculous and completely full of itself...go somewhere else where you will be treated fairly...