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Galley Gossip: Airline for sale!
This is it, people, your chance to buy an airline, because Volare Airlines, an Italian low-cost carrier, is now up for sale - again!
What's that? Not enough money you say? Why don't we all pool our money together and buy...oh I don't know...maybe just one of the airplanes. We can each buy a seat. And since we'd only own one airplane, we can call our small little airline MY PLANE. That means when someone asks, "what airline did you travel on," you can then say, "My Plane," and mean it, because it is your plane, as well as my plane.
We'll take votes and fly the most popular route once a day. But the real beauty of owning My Plane is this...I would...I mean WE would get to design it from the bottom up. Just the way we want. And because we'd only want the best for My Plane, which is also your plane, I'd like to make a few suggestions..
After reading all 754 comments from my post Flight Attendant Pet Peeve #1, Answer Please! it's apparent we should only hire flight attendants from one of the Asian carriers. Why? Passengers, at least the ones who commented on my post, seem to love them. Hey, what's not to love about an airline that hires flight attendants who are all the same uniform size - small. That makes complete sense - one size uniform for the one and only airplane. Forget equal opportunity, we make the rules at this airline! And while we're at it making those rules, how about we only allow one size of passenger onboard - small of course, which will help save fuel. As you know, saving on fuel is the name of the game these days. Which is why that small passenger can only bring onboard one small bag and place it under the small seat. The small flight attendant will then serve a small meal to the small passenger with the small bag under the small seat and...wait a minute...we're not talking about us, are we? I think we are. We're the ones traveling on My Plane, remember? So scratch that. But we can still steal a few of those Singapore Airline girls, but make them funny, like the good people at Southwest Airlines.
Of course we'd have to include Virgin's beauty therapy services on My Plane. Trust me when I tell you that I'll be the first one in line for a manicure and massage. Yes, I know, I am working the flight, but don't forget, when the flight attendant is happy, the passenger is happy. Or is it the other way around? I can't remember. I'm too numb from my massage to remember. But all you need to remember is that you're getting all this for Jet Blue prices. Could it get any better?
As for the flight attendant uniforms, personally I'd like to go with the Air France uniform. Have you seen it? Hello - can you say LOVE IT! As in Love it - Love it! As in there aren't enough "love's" in a sentence to possibly describe how I feel. That's how much I love it. Seriously, if the airline I currently work for now had to merge with another airline, can we please please please merge with Air France! Please. Not that I want to merge. No flight attendant wants to merge. Not when seniority is involved. Because seniority, at an airline, is everything. More than everything. But if I HAD to merge, well that uniform might be kind of nice to merge into. Since it's My Plane, and my uniform, it's all about me, on My Plane. Oh and you, too. I guess.
What kind of food would we serve? That's easy. Cathay Pacific, I hear, has the best food in the industry. At least that's what The Husband once wrote via email from a Cathay flight. Let me tell you that email was long, and dedicated strictly to food. Apparently the food on Cathay is THAT good, as in two pages of email good. And who doesn't want good food on a flight? I know I do. Which is why I always bring my own from home. When I can remember to bring my own from home. Which isn't often. Since I don't cook, that much, from home. Not since the husband made me promise never to cook again. Anyway, you know it's all about the food on a flight, right? I mean isn't that what you look for in an airline when you're booking a trip? Of course it is. Otherwise you wouldn't be complaining so much about the bad food. Or lack of food. 
We should really go with Virgin Atlantic's cabin interior. Neon florescent red and blue lights glowing throughout the cabin are definitely a must. Especially on a red eye flight. They scream HAPPY! Why, because you're happy, happy to be on My Plane! Which also includes Virgin's in-flight seat to seat chat. I wonder if that chat extends between passengers and flight attendants? If so, that means you can leave home without your stealth secret sound amplifier, the one you bought from Skymall, the same one I mentioned in my last post, the top five skymall gifts for the frequent flier (that's you!) and just text me your drink order. Wouldn't that be nice? And perhaps we could chat a little. Really get to know each other. Oh wait, you see someone cute oboard? Me, too! Just send that person a little text and don't forget to add your seat number - in case that person happens to be wearing a very sophisticated blue uniform and wants to slide you a drink on the house for umm...ya know...for being so nice and all.
So whadaya say...should we go for it?
Filed under: Italy, Airlines, Galley Gossip
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 2)
Jeff Jun 24th 2008 12:54AM
Fly Emerites if you want to see beautiful flight attendants....
Steve Jun 24th 2008 7:17AM
WOW, I just read on Gadling that Ryanair is going to have a new class of seats on their transatlantic flights called "beds and blow jobs".For 4-5000 euros a seat! .maybe all the flight attendants being laid off by United, etc., can find a new job with Ryanair! They'll be hiring! You can read the article right here on Gadling!
Brenda Jun 24th 2008 10:56PM
What is up with the disrespect of flight attendants here? There sure seem to be a few people with unresolved issues regarding flight attendants! Sure, there are some that shouldn't be in the profession. I think you'll find that in any profession. But I detect an underlying issue of something else here, - perhaps someone who was rejected by a flight attendant and is taking out their anger by posting nasty things about the whole profession? Someone who had their boyfriend or husband take off with someone who happened to be a flight attendant? Happens in every profession. "When the cat's away the mouse will play" - also happens in every profession! Stereotyping an entire profession by the experiences of a few people tells you a lot about the character of the person making the generalizations.
Frqnt Flyr Aug 26th 2008 1:16PM
It is too bad that 99% of the flight attendants at US airlines would not look good in any uniform. They should have retired a long time ago.
It sounds like Miss Heather is a polite and helpful person, but the vast majority that I encounter are rude, lazy, and should quit. Being a flight attendant was never meant to be a 40 year career. It is easy to get burnt out and then you just end up miserable.
I always tell these people, when they complain about how much they hate the job, the passengers, the company, etc., that they should just quit. Do they? No, they stick around and make it miserable for the rest of us! Do us a favor, QUIT!! And make room for a new hire with a fresh attitude and a positive outlook. You know who you are.
Woodstock Aug 28th 2008 12:49PM
Sounds like an insecure or jealous F/A's post -- getting back at the compliments heaped upon F/As of Asian carriers -- cleverly disguised as sarcasm and a little bit of creative writing if that's what it is.
But of course the blogger is entitled to her own opinion as I am entitled to my own observation. She can rant about her pet peeves, everyone can, it's but normal. The post just doesn't seem to reflect well on the poster as because of the perceived insecurity, she had to rant about "small" things in the first part of this post. But I guess that's what happens when you're venting out your pet peeve and additional disgruntlement when passengers had, oh hey, the temerity to bring up and post here the excellent customer service provided by F/As of certain Asian carriers.
Maybe the poster should have experienced going on a flight with Singapore Airlines and wouldn't have made such a "small" entry about them. And took on those comments as constructive criticism re the level of customer service provided by US carriers vs some
other international airlines.
And no I haven't yet experienced bad F/A service yet, fortunately, between Europe - Asia. We'll see when I get to the US. And some colleagues actually prefer to take a non-US carrier going to the US from overseas 'cause of really better in-flight service.
Just my two cents' worth.
Glenn Aug 3rd 2010 1:34AM
Do you have a idea how much they want for the airline. It is time we return the airline industry back to what is was. When all the employees knew one another and they took great pride in the company they worked for and strived to make the passengers feel they were #1. Now you are just a number and hurry up get on the plane sit down and shut up and be happy if you get a drink. The employees need to feel that they have a say in the company and the company needs to listen to what the employees say so as to improve service. Oh and do not charge for everything under the sun. If anyone is serious about buying an airline let me know because I am.