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Galley Gossip: Airline for sale!
This is it, people, your chance to buy an airline, because Volare Airlines, an Italian low-cost carrier, is now up for sale - again!
What's that? Not enough money you say? Why don't we all pool our money together and buy...oh I don't know...maybe just one of the airplanes. We can each buy a seat. And since we'd only own one airplane, we can call our small little airline MY PLANE. That means when someone asks, "what airline did you travel on," you can then say, "My Plane," and mean it, because it is your plane, as well as my plane.
We'll take votes and fly the most popular route once a day. But the real beauty of owning My Plane is this...I would...I mean WE would get to design it from the bottom up. Just the way we want. And because we'd only want the best for My Plane, which is also your plane, I'd like to make a few suggestions..
After reading all 754 comments from my post Flight Attendant Pet Peeve #1, Answer Please! it's apparent we should only hire flight attendants from one of the Asian carriers. Why? Passengers, at least the ones who commented on my post, seem to love them. Hey, what's not to love about an airline that hires flight attendants who are all the same uniform size - small. That makes complete sense - one size uniform for the one and only airplane. Forget equal opportunity, we make the rules at this airline! And while we're at it making those rules, how about we only allow one size of passenger onboard - small of course, which will help save fuel. As you know, saving on fuel is the name of the game these days. Which is why that small passenger can only bring onboard one small bag and place it under the small seat. The small flight attendant will then serve a small meal to the small passenger with the small bag under the small seat and...wait a minute...we're not talking about us, are we? I think we are. We're the ones traveling on My Plane, remember? So scratch that. But we can still steal a few of those Singapore Airline girls, but make them funny, like the good people at Southwest Airlines.
Of course we'd have to include Virgin's beauty therapy services on My Plane. Trust me when I tell you that I'll be the first one in line for a manicure and massage. Yes, I know, I am working the flight, but don't forget, when the flight attendant is happy, the passenger is happy. Or is it the other way around? I can't remember. I'm too numb from my massage to remember. But all you need to remember is that you're getting all this for Jet Blue prices. Could it get any better?
As for the flight attendant uniforms, personally I'd like to go with the Air France uniform. Have you seen it? Hello - can you say LOVE IT! As in Love it - Love it! As in there aren't enough "love's" in a sentence to possibly describe how I feel. That's how much I love it. Seriously, if the airline I currently work for now had to merge with another airline, can we please please please merge with Air France! Please. Not that I want to merge. No flight attendant wants to merge. Not when seniority is involved. Because seniority, at an airline, is everything. More than everything. But if I HAD to merge, well that uniform might be kind of nice to merge into. Since it's My Plane, and my uniform, it's all about me, on My Plane. Oh and you, too. I guess.
What kind of food would we serve? That's easy. Cathay Pacific, I hear, has the best food in the industry. At least that's what The Husband once wrote via email from a Cathay flight. Let me tell you that email was long, and dedicated strictly to food. Apparently the food on Cathay is THAT good, as in two pages of email good. And who doesn't want good food on a flight? I know I do. Which is why I always bring my own from home. When I can remember to bring my own from home. Which isn't often. Since I don't cook, that much, from home. Not since the husband made me promise never to cook again. Anyway, you know it's all about the food on a flight, right? I mean isn't that what you look for in an airline when you're booking a trip? Of course it is. Otherwise you wouldn't be complaining so much about the bad food. Or lack of food. 
We should really go with Virgin Atlantic's cabin interior. Neon florescent red and blue lights glowing throughout the cabin are definitely a must. Especially on a red eye flight. They scream HAPPY! Why, because you're happy, happy to be on My Plane! Which also includes Virgin's in-flight seat to seat chat. I wonder if that chat extends between passengers and flight attendants? If so, that means you can leave home without your stealth secret sound amplifier, the one you bought from Skymall, the same one I mentioned in my last post, the top five skymall gifts for the frequent flier (that's you!) and just text me your drink order. Wouldn't that be nice? And perhaps we could chat a little. Really get to know each other. Oh wait, you see someone cute oboard? Me, too! Just send that person a little text and don't forget to add your seat number - in case that person happens to be wearing a very sophisticated blue uniform and wants to slide you a drink on the house for umm...ya know...for being so nice and all.
So whadaya say...should we go for it?
Filed under: Italy, Airlines, Galley Gossip
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Fredrik Jun 18th 2008 10:11AM
Where can I sign up? :D
Jerrick Jun 18th 2008 11:55AM
I've always wanted to know, has anyone ever seen a Caucasian woman in Singapore Airlines' distinctive kebaya? (their female flight attendant uniforms)
I mean there're plenty of women of various races wearing Emirates, Cathay Pacific, Qantas, etc uniforms, but has anyone seen a caucasian women in the kebaya?
Jerrick Jun 18th 2008 11:56AM
OH and COUNT ME IN!
Janos Jun 19th 2008 5:10AM
I was just on a Virgin America flight two days ago, and yes the system goes to the FA's as well. You can't chat with them but they take all the orders for food and drink through the system. Amazingly, with the times as they are now, it was a PLEASURE flying with them.
Ron Jun 19th 2008 11:33AM
Not a fashionista myself (I've had the same "hairdo" since 1976), but what is it you like about the Air France FA uni?
agnes Lopez Jul 4th 2008 1:40PM
Air france being owned by the french government for so long never had to worry about money.
I do believe this time around designer Christian Lacroix is designing their uniform.
One of their flight attendant ask me whom does ours (AA) and i had to respond some industry in Poland wait no that was the last 2 yrs now it is in china lol.
fly safe
Stijn Jun 19th 2008 10:21AM
Can I order here, or on myplane.com?
Anyhow, I'm in!
Cassie Jun 20th 2008 12:39AM
What a horribly racist and shallow story! All Asians are the same size? No overweight passengers allowed? The Husband? Texting a stranger hoping for a free drink? Who do you fly for-I'd like to lodge a complaint. FYI I fly a LOT and have never complained about the food, nor would I dream of booking a flight because of it. No wonder my pilot friends make fun of the stew-pid women who try and hit on them...
FA Jun 23rd 2008 4:59PM
LMAO Cassie ~ You should go back to school for reading :) I believe that Heather said that they choose girls of the same size so they only have to buy one size uniform...keeping costs low. I have been married for 16 years and I have NEVER hit on a pilot, but have had them hit on me..yuck! Why would you "NOT" book a flight if you knew the food to be wonderful?? So let me get this straight, you would like to sit next to a fat passenger and eat bad food served by Flight Attendants in ugly uniforms? OK, Cassie you win :) you will not be invited to fly on My Plane...Heather~ please tell me where I can send in my resume, I'll be looking forward to hearing from you soon ;)
Devon Jun 20th 2008 6:41AM
I have to admit, I agree with Cassie on "The Husband" part. Not very endearing...As for the uniforms...give me those sexy gals who work for Qatar, Emerites and Gulf Air..love those head coverings and red lipstick. They EXUDE sensuality and femininity.
I don't care if they are rude sometimes, gotta take the bad with the good looking...When they walk through the terminals, heads turn....
Elle Jun 20th 2008 10:04AM
come on Cassie...racist???? ...geez.....lighten up. It is suppose to be funny, and anyway, how many times do we have to hear comments regarding how unattractive the flight attendants are "these days". Wouldn't we all like to be small and beautiful asian women instead of the tired and miserable fat cows so many want to call us?
FYI, no one cares if you fly a lot and keep this in mind....(you can pass it on to your many pilot friends)....very few of us want to hit on the pilots, we are too busy trying to do our job. You need a reality check. Who do YOU work for, I want to lodge a counter- complaint..lol.
Heather Jun 20th 2008 1:44PM
RON - What's not to love about the Air France Uniform. I've never seen it in real life, but in pictures it looks so sleek and sophisticated and stylish. I take it you don't like it?
CASSIE - It's called sarcasm. And you can lodge your complaints to me, at MY PLANE. Thanks. And I do hope one of those STEW-pid women your pilot friends talk about never have to save your life. Why do I think you're dating a pilot? :)
DEVON - Wow, Devon, you sound an awful lot like my friend DJ. :) I know what you mean about the headcoverings and lipstick - SEXY. There's nothing like covering your women up. Or your men. That's why I'm always making THE HUSBAND wear the same thing. Ah-ha! As for The Husband, he loves me and supports me, but he does not want to be apart of my posts, which is why he's just THE HUSBAND.
Heather Poole
Devon Jun 21st 2008 1:49AM
They don't cover them up. They don't wear veils across their faces...It's an exotic look and I don't know a man who doesn't find it enticing. They don't wear them while they are working. Most of them are women from Europe, not Middle Eastern women..Lovely blondes, with that red lipstick,,,what a combo. All you need to do is check out the airlines websites and you can see how lovely they look. I remember when American "stews" wore hats......
steven Jun 22nd 2008 2:37AM
can I have some pretzels with that WHINE
Karen Jun 20th 2008 8:46PM
Cassie is definately dating a pilot. What is she even doing here with no sense of humor?
Brenda Jun 22nd 2008 9:17AM
Cassie, may I ask - you aren't American, are you?
One of the reasons I love this site is that so many people in other countries contribute, and I love to get their perspective, particularly on the U.S. I do a lot of international business. Having said that, I realize that if English is not your native language, that often sarcastic humor can be misunderstood. With the state of the airlines here in the US, Heather was just humorously putting together her dream airline.
Heather, I like the Air France uniform too, it's probably the best looking flight attendant uniform I've seen - stylish, sleek, sophisticated - very French!
Brenda Jun 22nd 2008 10:16AM
Karen said...
Cassie is definitely dating a pilot. What is she even doing here with no sense of humor?
Brenda says..
What does that mean? Do pilots not have a sense of humor? I realize that some of them are a bit full of theirselves, but I know a couple of them that do!
But seriously, why would you think that she is dating a pilot? I kind of scratched my head on that one! It always seems that there are unhappy people on air travel blogs, whether it's the miserable crew or passengers. Why is that?
Heather Jun 22nd 2008 1:05PM
BRENDA - The reason we believe Cassie is dating a pilot is because she's got such issues with "STEW-pid" women. I'm thinking jealousy....because of all the STEW-pid women surrounding her pilot "friend." Otherwise, why the hate?
Heather
Brenda Jun 23rd 2008 10:09AM
Ahhh, I gotcha Heather. Is that a common thing in the airline world? - Spouses that are insecure, for both pilots and flight attendants? Perhaps that explains some of the venom that I've been reading from both men and women on these forums.
Jeff Jun 24th 2008 12:52AM
While the cat is away..........................................