Virgin Atlantic and their crafty marketing schemes

Fine, Virgin Atlantic. We’ll bite. But we’re not happy about it. We’ve been digesting small buzzletts about your shenanigans coming up next week on June 12, but we’ve been holding off because it always gives us the willys when we propagate shameless marketing tactics.

It all started with some emails you sent to your loyal flying club members, saying “Have we got something for you, Juliana! It’s brand new. It’s coming soon. And it’s extraordinarily unordinary“, but only promising to reveal the goods on June 12. We also hear that you put up fliers in the office and spread the buzz around your flight crew as well — and now we’re all equally mystified.

While we all stare at each other stupidly, I think it’s time for some rampant speculation.

  • Branson is shutting down Virgin Atlantic and is using the airplanes as personal skis in his new world record: skiing down Mt. Everest on airplanes. He’ll have one 747 strapped to each leg and one to his ego.
  • Half of coach will be torn out and converted to a hot tub and day spa lounge for “elite” first class members. Economy tickets will thus cost twice as much.
  • Due to the rising price of oil, all passengers are required to bring their own 55 gallon drum of unsweetened crude oil. And you have to pay baggage fees to check it.
  • For every 100lbs of overweight luggage (or passengers) onboard, the crew get to toss one passenger out over the Pacific Ocean.
  • To save costs, London bound flights land on an airstrip in the English Channel and they have to find their way to land.

Regardless of the outcome, VA is hosting a press conference in the City to announce the tomfoolery on June 12. Our own blogger Yaromee Kressmann will be there to get the scoop. Stay tuned for the details.

[via Jaunted]