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Virgin Atlantic and their crafty marketing schemes
Fine, Virgin Atlantic. We'll bite. But we're not happy about it. We've been digesting small buzzletts about your shenanigans coming up next week on June 12, but we've been holding off because it always gives us the willys when we propagate shameless marketing tactics.It all started with some emails you sent to your loyal flying club members, saying "Have we got something for you, Juliana! It's brand new. It's coming soon. And it's extraordinarily unordinary", but only promising to reveal the goods on June 12. We also hear that you put up fliers in the office and spread the buzz around your flight crew as well -- and now we're all equally mystified.
While we all stare at each other stupidly, I think it's time for some rampant speculation.
- Branson is shutting down Virgin Atlantic and is using the airplanes as personal skis in his new world record: skiing down Mt. Everest on airplanes. He'll have one 747 strapped to each leg and one to his ego.
- Half of coach will be torn out and converted to a hot tub and day spa lounge for "elite" first class members. Economy tickets will thus cost twice as much.
- Due to the rising price of oil, all passengers are required to bring their own 55 gallon drum of unsweetened crude oil. And you have to pay baggage fees to check it.
- For every 100lbs of overweight luggage (or passengers) onboard, the crew get to toss one passenger out over the Pacific Ocean.
- To save costs, London bound flights land on an airstrip in the English Channel and they have to find their way to land.
[via Jaunted]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Kent Wien Jun 6th 2008 10:45AM
My guess is it's an announcement relating to the new Open Skies agreement. Virgin can't let British Airways fly from Paris to New York, so they're jumping into the fray.
Either that, or they're putting Massage-O-Matics in every seat.
Who knows, they might announce both.
Paul Brady Jun 6th 2008 10:57AM
Crazy! Our writer, who is actually named Juliana, got that same email last month...
Richard Jun 6th 2008 12:07PM
Nope, guys the announcement will relate to the opening of 'Urban' hotels by the Virgin Group.
Virgin plan to open hotels in Los Angeles, New York and London, like starwoods 'W' brand and taking inspiration from the Virgin Atlantic Clubhouses.
Bob the badly singing pilot Jun 6th 2008 3:12PM
Don't let the fact that Richard Branson looks like an effeminate wookie fool you. He is crafty and full of ideas.
That said, I fail to see how he can ever make money in US market with Virgin America given today's airline business environment.
The days of starting an airline, back-end loading your expenses, finding relatively cheap labor, practically free captial, cheap fuel..........then pumping and dumping your stock price to cash out are over.
Perhaps a divestiture away from airlines in the US is his plan.
I like the hotel idea.
Maybe he is going to start an adult novelty store chain.
He can call it Virgin Slut.
:-)
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