Roxanne, a 34-year old prostitute specializing in full service post-flight care of business travelers, announced yesterday that she would start accepting frequent flyer miles as a form of payment. The recent economic downturn has negatively influenced her business, which she practices out of a stall in the Terminal C men’s bathroom at Newark Liberty International Airport.
“Business has definitely sucked lately,” said Roxanne during a recent interview. “You can tell that guys are slow to pay up. Their [wives] must really be keeping them on a short leash.” That’s why she came up with the idea of accepting frequent flyer miles. She accepts all airline companies’ frequent flyer programs, except for Virgin’s, citing “conflict of interest.”
Most of her clients have hundreds of thousands of miles and they have nothing to spend them on. “I mean, have you ever tried to use your miles to actually get a free air ticket?” says Bruno, senior data analyst at a international consulting firm and Roxanne’s loyal customer. “First, they put you on hold for an hour, then they tell you can’t fly the days you want to fly. I am done with them.”
That is not how things work at Roxanne’s stall. She never puts her clients on hold and there are no blackout dates. She does offer special no-line treatment to her platinum car holders and all other clients are served in the order in which they were received. For 25,000 miles–or the equivalent of a domestic ticket–Roxanne can provide her signature “Cockpit Cockadoodle” treatment. For 50,000 miles, she lets her clients cheat and move into the more roomy handicap stall before takeoff.