Here are the depressing stats.

Sadly, 90 percent of Japanese said that their sex lives lack stimulation, which pales in comparison to the global average of 50 percent of people who enjoy a healthy sex life. Not surprisingly, the Japanese lead the world in the frequency of masturbation.

38 percent of Japanese masturbate weekly compared with a global average of 16 percent. And, despite the fact that the three major monotheistic religions consider masturbation to be a sin, only 4 percent of Japanese people had a negative opinion of the practice.

During the course of their lives, Japanese men have an average of 14 sex partners, while Japanese women have an average of 8. This is higher than the global average of 13 and 7 sex partners respectively, though this is perhaps due to the high frequency of boring sex.

Japanese average 34 minutes for each session of sex (including foreplay), which is actually one more minute then the amorous French and just above the global average.

Sadly however, 86 percent of Japanese people want to have more sex, though they are unable to communicate with their partners. In a culture where vagueness and shades of grey are preferable to clarity and honesty, intimate conversations never seem to go beyond pillow talk.

So just exactly how boring is sex in Japan?

Only 34 percent of Japanese people engage in oral sex.
Only 16 percent of Japanese people like sexy underwear.
Only 4 percent of Japanese people engage in role play.
Only 16 percent of Japanese people regularly use sex toys.
Only 15 percent of Japanese people use lubrication.

Wow. Clearly something needs to be done.

If anyone is reading this in Japan, I urge you to go the liquor store, and buy a nice bottle of champagne to set the mood. When you get home, instead of plopping yourself in front of the TV and watching Japanese dramas, turn on some romantic music, pop the bubbly, drag your better half to the bedroom and get to it.

If we all do our part, together with can make Japan number one...