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What Time Do They Turn the Northern Lights On? Stupid Questions From Tourists in Alaska
I've had my moments of ignorance, no doubt, but admitting those moments doesn't help to suppress my amazement at the questions tourists ask in the 49th state. True, Alaska is remote and quite separate from the rest of the Lower 48 (as we call the Continental U.S. up here), but that doesn't excuse some of the outright bewildering questions tourists have. Following is a sample of some of the best. A few are Alaska tourism legends, and others are questions I've personally fielded.
- Asked on a cruise ship: "What elevation are we at?"
- "What language do they speak here?" (Actually not a bad question if the tourist was actually asking about Alaska Natives -- instead, they're forgetting that Alaska is part of the U.S.)
- "Do you take American money?" (See above.)
- "When do the bears/moose/caribou/salmon/eagles come out?" (Or better yet): "Will you make the bears/moose/caribou/salmon/eagles come out?"
- Pointing at a small, random mountain in a range: "Is that Denali?"
Most annoying are the vague references to "they." Who are these "they," I wonder? Do these tourists think that a Wizard of Oz-like person stands behind a curtain and flips the Northern Lights switch to "on," or ushers the wildlife out as the train or tour bus roars by?
I'll close with a conversation I personally overheard on a bus in Denali National Park about a month ago. A woman and her husband sat behind me on the bumpy school bus, which stopped for wildlife and mountain views. The woman obviously had some depth perception issues, and possible hearing problems (demonstrated by the volume of her voice, which I will attempt to create here by writing in all caps).
Man: Look at Mt. McKinley! You can see the top of it over those mountains right there!
Woman: THAT'S MT. MCKINLEY? IT DOESN'T LOOK ANY BIGGER THAN THOSE OTHER MOUNTAINS.
M: That's because it's 100 miles away and those mountains are right here.
W: OH. (pause) WHY IS IT ALL WHITE? IS THAT SNOW?
M: Yeah, it's like, really cold up there.
W: WHY IS THERE SNOW ON IT ALL YEAR ROUND?
M: Because it's like, minus 10 degrees up there!
W: WHY ARE WE STOPPING?
M: Because there's a caribou right there! Look!
W: THAT LOOKS LIKE A WOLF!
You get the idea. The running commentary had me in tears the whole time, and I just wanted to trail this couple the entire tour for the entertainment value. How could a caribou ever be mistaken for a wolf? How can you not get that Denali doesn't look as tall as the mountains right in front of you because it's farther away?
These are questions I might never know the answer to.
Filed under: North America, United States
Reader Comments (Page 7 of 7)
Barbara Sep 28th 2007 1:07PM
Cheryl Logan - You need to look up the meaning of stupid and ignorant, you have the two words confused. People can't help it if they are stupid (difficulty learning), but they CAN help being ignorant (not knowing the facts). So tell us again how stupid people upset you but ignorant people don't?? :-)
Barbara Sep 28th 2007 1:08PM
It is so funny reading these condescending posts about 'stupid' or 'dumb' tourists. Keep in mind that when you are not in your hometown, you are also a 'stupid' or 'dumb' tourist. I live in an area with a high tourism rate, and I say "Bless the tourists!" - not only are they the adventurous ones who are out there seeing the world, but they are also contributing to our local economy. They are welcome here any time, with our without their 'stupid' questions.
hapi2teachAlaska Sep 28th 2007 1:48PM
I also worked on the train in Alaska servicing the cruise ships from Seward and Whittier. I loved talking to the tourists and (being recently from Louisiana myself) enjoyed sharing what knowledge I had gained! My challenge to myself was to try and get everyone in a good mood no matter how bad they came on feeling! I could usually bring people around with a little kindness and listening! One lady seemed not to be pleased no matter what and I decided that one more try and then I would just let her alone... She finally told me what was really bothering her... "If you people would cut down some of these trees I could see the view!" I decided it was enough said... Most tourists are having a great time and relaxing and I enjoy their questions!
Dubby Sep 29th 2007 10:02AM
I am ashamed to say as a college student in Colonial Williamsburg, our favorite past time was dissing the tourists. The clothes they wore they would NEVER wear in front of their friends at home.
There is one particularly confusing intersection where students would hang out for the sole purpose of giving tourists the wrong directions when they got lost.
And yes, the ones who worked in Colonial Williamsburg came up with whoppers of stories. Why are there candles everywhere? Is that authentic colonial nail polish?
And my personal favorite -- What did women do when, uh, you know... what did they use?
Katie Sep 29th 2007 2:10PM
I have been working as an Alaskan tour guide from the age of 16. I have been recognized as an excellent guide by both passengers and supervisors. I have heard ALL the “stupid” questions and have never once answered sarcastically.
I just have to say to those of you who are indignant about the joking of "stupid" questions that, by sharing our common frustration about some of the silly questions tourists ask we are able to release tension in order to keep from bursting into laughter every time a "stupid" question is asked. It may sound rude but as the same questions are asked many times it is better to laugh once and not offend anyone then laugh every time in someone’s face.
To those of you who are responsible for the welfare of tourists, it is inappropriate and rude to criticize them to their faces. We have all asked stupid questions at one time or another and all deserve a little respect.
Dave Sep 30th 2007 11:21AM
I live in Arizona. Several years ago, a friend from New Jersey planned to vacation here and wanted to know if we get ABC, NBC and CBS on our TVs. I wrote back and told him that we live in ARIZONA, not the MOON.