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What Time Do They Turn the Northern Lights On? Stupid Questions From Tourists in Alaska
I've had my moments of ignorance, no doubt, but admitting those moments doesn't help to suppress my amazement at the questions tourists ask in the 49th state. True, Alaska is remote and quite separate from the rest of the Lower 48 (as we call the Continental U.S. up here), but that doesn't excuse some of the outright bewildering questions tourists have. Following is a sample of some of the best. A few are Alaska tourism legends, and others are questions I've personally fielded.
- Asked on a cruise ship: "What elevation are we at?"
- "What language do they speak here?" (Actually not a bad question if the tourist was actually asking about Alaska Natives -- instead, they're forgetting that Alaska is part of the U.S.)
- "Do you take American money?" (See above.)
- "When do the bears/moose/caribou/salmon/eagles come out?" (Or better yet): "Will you make the bears/moose/caribou/salmon/eagles come out?"
- Pointing at a small, random mountain in a range: "Is that Denali?"
Most annoying are the vague references to "they." Who are these "they," I wonder? Do these tourists think that a Wizard of Oz-like person stands behind a curtain and flips the Northern Lights switch to "on," or ushers the wildlife out as the train or tour bus roars by?
I'll close with a conversation I personally overheard on a bus in Denali National Park about a month ago. A woman and her husband sat behind me on the bumpy school bus, which stopped for wildlife and mountain views. The woman obviously had some depth perception issues, and possible hearing problems (demonstrated by the volume of her voice, which I will attempt to create here by writing in all caps).
Man: Look at Mt. McKinley! You can see the top of it over those mountains right there!
Woman: THAT'S MT. MCKINLEY? IT DOESN'T LOOK ANY BIGGER THAN THOSE OTHER MOUNTAINS.
M: That's because it's 100 miles away and those mountains are right here.
W: OH. (pause) WHY IS IT ALL WHITE? IS THAT SNOW?
M: Yeah, it's like, really cold up there.
W: WHY IS THERE SNOW ON IT ALL YEAR ROUND?
M: Because it's like, minus 10 degrees up there!
W: WHY ARE WE STOPPING?
M: Because there's a caribou right there! Look!
W: THAT LOOKS LIKE A WOLF!
You get the idea. The running commentary had me in tears the whole time, and I just wanted to trail this couple the entire tour for the entertainment value. How could a caribou ever be mistaken for a wolf? How can you not get that Denali doesn't look as tall as the mountains right in front of you because it's farther away?
These are questions I might never know the answer to.
Filed under: North America, United States
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 6)
Rachel at The Window Seat Sep 12th 2007 3:27PM
On the flip side, one of the best questions I was asked when I was a tourist in Alaska was this: "Would you like a northern lights wake-up call"? When I was asked this at my hotel in Talkeetna, it seemed such a magical thing that someone was looking out in the middle of the night and would let me know if anything started happening. Now if they could only tell me exactly when those Northern Lights would come on... that'd really be something!
Brett Atkinson Sep 12th 2007 3:29PM
This reminds me of sitting beside a couple of American tourists waiting for the Edinburgh Military Tattoo to start. One of them opined "Isn't the backdrop realistic?" I reckon the centuries old ramparts of Edinburgh Castle are a little more than "realistic."
Sebastian Sandoval Sep 12th 2007 4:17PM
This piece reminds me of the time I was in Florida. I convinced a local there that Alaskans mush their dog teams to the store, live in igloos, and regularly kill polar bears wandering in their back yards. Needless to say, she was amazed.
jennysexkitty Sep 15th 2007 11:43PM
Working on a train in alaska has really taught me so much about human stupidity. I embrace the silly questions I get asked and even get excited when I hear new ones. Like which side of the train will we see a moose on or why do people live out here? Dumb tourists keep my days interesting, yet I am really excited for this cruise season to be done up here! Time for us summer peeps to head to warmer climates!
Joe Sep 27th 2007 8:23PM
My favorite idiot questions on cruise ships are "Does the staff go home at night??" and "Does my cabin have cable T.V.?".......yeah. RIGHT!!...like where are they going to go? Overboard?...and it has to be a heck of a long cable.
Linda C Sep 27th 2007 8:32PM
Tourists are the same all over.
My friends who work for a hotel outside of Yellowstone National Park told me of stupid tourists, a couple of their favorites:
When do they turn off (on) the geysers?
When do the deer (elk, moose) turn into moose (elk, deer)?
Of course they have to be nice and explain to the stupid tourists about nature.
Don't people know anything?
darwin47 Sep 27th 2007 8:32PM
Joe, cruise ships actually do have Cable TV in the rooms. HBO, Discovery Channel and other random cable networks are in every room.
Dresden Disney~Dior Sep 27th 2007 8:34PM
Catherine Bodry, it's too bad that tourists aren't as smart as you. The world is made up of all kinds of wonderful people. Every one is different. Caribou? Wolf? Obviously they didn't know the difference, but you did. Would it have been so difficult to talk with them or enlighten them? You could have left the cruise with a name and address of a new friend instead of fodder to ridicule someone.
I'm surprised by the comments coming from people who make their living "helping" tourists. JennySEXKitty wrote.."Dumb tourists keep my days interesting."
These DUMB tourists are giving you a paycheck. You're in the wrong profession, Jenny. You don't know anything about people. SEXKitty? Maybe you could work at Disneyland, after park hours, and chase mice.
What's wrong with you people? Does it inflate your ego to make fun of people?
Carlisle McNair Sep 27th 2007 8:36PM
On my summers off from college, I worked as a seasonal Park Ranger in the Great Smokey Mountains. I was on patrol in a picnic area called Mingus Mill on the NC side of the park. A lady from NY flagged me down and asked, "Does this creek run year round." I told her our tourist season ends the week after Labor Day & we turn the water off for the winter. She responded, "I'm sure the water bill is high enough during the season." She thanked me & walked back to her group.
steve Sep 27th 2007 8:39PM
questions like this are the begining of discovery..
do i need to remind you that they are the reasons that you have a job.in certain areas, everyone is un-informed...peace & understanding
Mike Sep 27th 2007 8:47PM
A house north of the Arctic circle without indoor plumbing is just an Ig (It doesn't have a loo)
Cheryl Logan Sep 27th 2007 8:49PM
It really gets on my nerves when you call a place of business to ask a genral question, which they are suppose to know since they work there, correct? ... and the stupid people who work there answer with an, "I don't know, maybe you could find out and let me know." HA! I'm on disability, but if I weren't, I could have all their jobs! Stupidity ercks me more than being ignorant. At least ignorant people can't help it ... stupid people are just that, plain and simple, stupid and lazy for not being responsible in thier jobs/life to answer questions. Do people work to make a living, or do they work to make our lives hell?
Carrol Sep 27th 2007 8:52PM
Sometimes the shoe is on the other foot. While traveling by auto in Colorado, twice I stopped at a city "Travelers Information" booth in little towns to get my bearings. I asked which way was north and the girls didn't know. I then asked what part of the sky the sun came up, and again neither "Tourist Advisor" knew the answer. Duh!!!
PHYL Sep 27th 2007 8:54PM
I live in Juneau, we have a glacier down the road from our suburban housing area. We've been asked "Why don't you clean the glacier--it doesn't look nice with all the dirt in the middle." Sorry,glaciers get dirty when they come down a mountain!
MARQUIS DE FERREIRA Sep 27th 2007 8:55PM
As a shop owner in Manhattan Upper East Side I deal with a lot of tourists visiting the Metropolitan Museum.Several strange questions every day...from Americans and foreigners.
Here is some:
Where in the Metropolitan Museum do they sing Opera?
Do the street numbers increase going downtown?
Where is the White House?
Is the Subway under the street?
Is New York City part of New York State?
Do you know how to get to the Obelisc by the White House??
Do they accept Euros in the taxis?
Do they have a good hamburger place in China Town?
What is brass?
Where are the "tall buildings"?
Is there a place where to buy bullets near by?
Oh, my God!! Where does Paris Hilton lives? (!!)
When do you "celebrate" 9/11..????
Do you carry chopped garlic? (we have a very elegant
jewelery store and high end gifts shop.)
Is Bush the Mayor of New York too?
How far is Cuba? Can you go by boat?
And a thousand more...and more to come.
Toni Sep 27th 2007 9:04PM
My husband and I went to Sturgis, SD for the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. Weeks later, we had on shirts from the Rally and the waitress at a resturant in Colorado asked us where the Rally was this year.
Steven Switzer Sep 27th 2007 9:08PM
Of course, tourists, while often well meaning, are often ill informed. Here in Buffalo, we live next to Canada and so we hear about all the silly comments and questions about our neighbor to the North (technically west of Buffalo) by the Canadian press and such.
One common complaint that Canadians often have is that people actually write to the Canadian consulate or embassy and comment about the wonderful time that they have in the "state" of Canada.
Uh, well, if Canada is a state, why do I have to go through customs and Canadian immigration, eh?
I'll bet that's news to their parliament too, eh?
People often have misconceptions about Buffalo, too.
I've often heard people say how snowy Buffalo is and that we must be buried in snow most of the year.
It is, of course, true that Buffalo does get a lot of snow and ranks in the top ten of snowiest large cities in the U.S.A. (cities of over 100,000 population) and it gets about 94 inches of snow a year in an average year.
But Buffalo rarely is buried in snow even in the most severe winters.
People are often surprised to find that Buffalo actually has an agreeable climate much of the year and warm summers, with no snow.
Even during the winter, it is often possible to find clear streets and perhaps only a stray mound or two of snow. Thanks both to excellent snow removal and also the fact that Buffalo gets that 94 inches spread out over time and not all at once.
Only once, since I have been living in Buffalo, (since 1995) did we actually get truly buried in snow where we were utterly overwhelmed and that was a few years ago when we got between 4 and 7 feet of snow (depending on where you were) during the Christmas season between Dec 23 and Dec 27, I believe it was 2001. And amazingly enough within a few weeks that almost all melted away and we got very little the rest of the snow season. We got our snow that year all in one shot!
Of course, Buffalo does occasionally get blizzards, but probably no more than other cold cities in the US. And the infamous blizzard of 1977 was actually a windstorm rather than a true blizzard.
And after mid-January usually, Buffalo gets only a little snow, thanks to Lake Erie freezing. Buffalo usually gets most of its snow between Thanksgiving and about Jan 15 and a good percentage of that snow is lake effect.
Of course, it should be mentioned that snowy Buffalo by no means is the snowiest spot in the USA, there are places in the US that are a lot, lot snowier and a lot colder.
Blue Canyon, CA holds the record of being the snowiest "city" (pop. 5000) with about 500+ inches of snow a year. And there are other cities that are snowier than Buffalo, if you count smaller cities, such as Flagstaff, AZ, Saulte Saint Marie, MI, etc.
Leslie Sep 27th 2007 9:11PM
This is a little dated with the advent of the euro, but about ten years ago I was taking a train from Spain into France. When we arrived at the station, I heard a woman all but yell at a vendor, "What do you mean you don't take Spanish money?" Um...yeah, honey, you give him the Spanish money and maybe he can give you your change in US dollars and you won't even have to change money on the way home. Did you miss the part where we were in France?????
Ray Bonin Sep 27th 2007 9:18PM
In Florida we get some funny questions. Operating a mobile home park with many wild monkeys that enjoy the free meals from the tourist. One lady asked me, Where the monkeys were as she has some banans for them. I explained that this is there mating season. She insisted questioning me about there habits, etc. I lost my compsure after about 30 miniutes of this. I said Look lady, if you were having sex, would you come out of the bush for a banana. She dropped the banans and left.
TK Sep 27th 2007 9:18PM
I used to be a Disney World Cast Member and the #1 favorite question by guests was: "When is the 3 O'Clock parade?" LOL