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What Time Do They Turn the Northern Lights On? Stupid Questions From Tourists in Alaska
I've had my moments of ignorance, no doubt, but admitting those moments doesn't help to suppress my amazement at the questions tourists ask in the 49th state. True, Alaska is remote and quite separate from the rest of the Lower 48 (as we call the Continental U.S. up here), but that doesn't excuse some of the outright bewildering questions tourists have. Following is a sample of some of the best. A few are Alaska tourism legends, and others are questions I've personally fielded.
- Asked on a cruise ship: "What elevation are we at?"
- "What language do they speak here?" (Actually not a bad question if the tourist was actually asking about Alaska Natives -- instead, they're forgetting that Alaska is part of the U.S.)
- "Do you take American money?" (See above.)
- "When do the bears/moose/caribou/salmon/eagles come out?" (Or better yet): "Will you make the bears/moose/caribou/salmon/eagles come out?"
- Pointing at a small, random mountain in a range: "Is that Denali?"
Most annoying are the vague references to "they." Who are these "they," I wonder? Do these tourists think that a Wizard of Oz-like person stands behind a curtain and flips the Northern Lights switch to "on," or ushers the wildlife out as the train or tour bus roars by?
I'll close with a conversation I personally overheard on a bus in Denali National Park about a month ago. A woman and her husband sat behind me on the bumpy school bus, which stopped for wildlife and mountain views. The woman obviously had some depth perception issues, and possible hearing problems (demonstrated by the volume of her voice, which I will attempt to create here by writing in all caps).
Man: Look at Mt. McKinley! You can see the top of it over those mountains right there!
Woman: THAT'S MT. MCKINLEY? IT DOESN'T LOOK ANY BIGGER THAN THOSE OTHER MOUNTAINS.
M: That's because it's 100 miles away and those mountains are right here.
W: OH. (pause) WHY IS IT ALL WHITE? IS THAT SNOW?
M: Yeah, it's like, really cold up there.
W: WHY IS THERE SNOW ON IT ALL YEAR ROUND?
M: Because it's like, minus 10 degrees up there!
W: WHY ARE WE STOPPING?
M: Because there's a caribou right there! Look!
W: THAT LOOKS LIKE A WOLF!
You get the idea. The running commentary had me in tears the whole time, and I just wanted to trail this couple the entire tour for the entertainment value. How could a caribou ever be mistaken for a wolf? How can you not get that Denali doesn't look as tall as the mountains right in front of you because it's farther away?
These are questions I might never know the answer to.
Filed under: North America, United States
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 7)
Unexpected Traveller Oct 29th 2009 2:51PM
I loved these comments ... I've encountered people who have never seen a mirror before (http://wp.me/ppqxP-52) and some others who can't read a map properly either (http://wp.me/ppqxP-as) ...
The Unexpected Traveller
Librarylady353 Jan 8th 2010 3:33PM
I live in Las Vegas. While having the misfortune to be down on the Strip during high tourist season, I was stopped by some tourists. The lady says: "Dear, we're looking to stay at a GOOD hotel....which one do YOU live in?" Seriously? yes, sadly, seriously....!
Carol-Ann Feb 17th 2010 11:50AM
I have been known to make stupid/ignorant comments myself, but I still chuckle when I think of something an American lady said to me (we were both tourists) while waiting in line at Disneyworld a few years ago:
Lady: "That's a lovely accent - where are you from?"
Me: "Thank you - I'm from South Africa"
Lady: "Oh, I knew it was somewhere in Europe!" !!!
abbi Sep 8th 2011 4:15AM
I guess we make fun of the tourists here because they tend to be rude and stand in the road nearly getting killed and us put in jail. Of course they help with the money coming in, and there are very nice tourists. Its not always in meanness, mostly its just funny and common sense questions that people ask :)
Rachel at The Window Seat Sep 12th 2007 3:27PM
On the flip side, one of the best questions I was asked when I was a tourist in Alaska was this: "Would you like a northern lights wake-up call"? When I was asked this at my hotel in Talkeetna, it seemed such a magical thing that someone was looking out in the middle of the night and would let me know if anything started happening. Now if they could only tell me exactly when those Northern Lights would come on... that'd really be something!
Brett Atkinson Sep 12th 2007 3:29PM
This reminds me of sitting beside a couple of American tourists waiting for the Edinburgh Military Tattoo to start. One of them opined "Isn't the backdrop realistic?" I reckon the centuries old ramparts of Edinburgh Castle are a little more than "realistic."
Sebastian Sandoval Sep 12th 2007 4:17PM
This piece reminds me of the time I was in Florida. I convinced a local there that Alaskans mush their dog teams to the store, live in igloos, and regularly kill polar bears wandering in their back yards. Needless to say, she was amazed.
Ray Sep 30th 2009 2:45AM
Well, considering some of us do drive our dog teams to the store and kill polar bears in our backyards, you were telling them the truth. Maybe you should actually come up and visit. Dress warm if you come up during this time of year. It actually snows, too.
jennysexkitty Sep 15th 2007 11:43PM
Working on a train in alaska has really taught me so much about human stupidity. I embrace the silly questions I get asked and even get excited when I hear new ones. Like which side of the train will we see a moose on or why do people live out here? Dumb tourists keep my days interesting, yet I am really excited for this cruise season to be done up here! Time for us summer peeps to head to warmer climates!
Joe Sep 27th 2007 8:23PM
My favorite idiot questions on cruise ships are "Does the staff go home at night??" and "Does my cabin have cable T.V.?".......yeah. RIGHT!!...like where are they going to go? Overboard?...and it has to be a heck of a long cable.
Carlisle McNair Sep 27th 2007 8:36PM
On my summers off from college, I worked as a seasonal Park Ranger in the Great Smokey Mountains. I was on patrol in a picnic area called Mingus Mill on the NC side of the park. A lady from NY flagged me down and asked, "Does this creek run year round." I told her our tourist season ends the week after Labor Day & we turn the water off for the winter. She responded, "I'm sure the water bill is high enough during the season." She thanked me & walked back to her group.
Andrea Nov 7th 2009 2:36PM
wow... that woman actually believed you. That is pretty bad, haha.
Linda C Sep 27th 2007 8:32PM
Tourists are the same all over.
My friends who work for a hotel outside of Yellowstone National Park told me of stupid tourists, a couple of their favorites:
When do they turn off (on) the geysers?
When do the deer (elk, moose) turn into moose (elk, deer)?
Of course they have to be nice and explain to the stupid tourists about nature.
Don't people know anything?
Bruce Jul 26th 2009 3:29PM
I remember in the James Bond novel "You Only Live Twice", Bond destroys the fortress of the villain, Blofeld, by closing the "control valve" to the geyser, causing an explosion. What's that all about?
darwin47 Sep 27th 2007 8:32PM
Joe, cruise ships actually do have Cable TV in the rooms. HBO, Discovery Channel and other random cable networks are in every room.
Barbara Bennett Sep 9th 2009 8:43PM
That would be satellite TV, not cable.
Dresden Disney~Dior Sep 27th 2007 8:34PM
Catherine Bodry, it's too bad that tourists aren't as smart as you. The world is made up of all kinds of wonderful people. Every one is different. Caribou? Wolf? Obviously they didn't know the difference, but you did. Would it have been so difficult to talk with them or enlighten them? You could have left the cruise with a name and address of a new friend instead of fodder to ridicule someone.
I'm surprised by the comments coming from people who make their living "helping" tourists. JennySEXKitty wrote.."Dumb tourists keep my days interesting."
These DUMB tourists are giving you a paycheck. You're in the wrong profession, Jenny. You don't know anything about people. SEXKitty? Maybe you could work at Disneyland, after park hours, and chase mice.
What's wrong with you people? Does it inflate your ego to make fun of people?
Smow Aug 18th 2009 12:45AM
Dresden... there's a big difference between a wolf and caribou. You better go hang out with Sarah Palin and find out!!
Mark Sep 28th 2007 10:08AM
This is all a great emphasis on human stupidity, albeit American stupidity. I've got a few. How about, "Why is Italy shaped like a boot? Is that because a lot of fashionable shoe designers live there?" Then there is, "The Swiss Alps are really high. Is there any plan to cut them down a bit so I don't have to look up so much?" When I visited Rome one time I heard this one. "The Sistene Chapel is really, kind of like, cool. But why is it so colorful? Didn't the dude who painted it know it was kind of like, you know, dark in there?" (The work on the ceiling is a fresco not a painting.)
Don't you just love ignorance?
Crazy Canuck Nov 19th 2009 9:57PM
Ignorance isn't a sign of stupidity silly, if it was or is then the whole human race would be stupid. We all don't know something and we have all asked that one stupid question at one time or another.