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10 Drinks Men Should Not Order
I'm always a little dubious when someone deigns to tell me what is and what is NOT allowed when it comes to male behavior. I occasionally read magazines like Details and when I come to the "Clothes a man should never wear" articles, I always find a few things from my own closet right there on the page. Keeping up with what's in style costs too damn much money. Besides, yesterday's faux pas is today's hip new thing. But I do have to agree somewhat with a few of the drinks listed in this fun slide show admonishing males over what should NOT be ordered and consumed among alcoholic beverages.
To wit: anything blended, unless you're on the beach. In other words, fruity drinks with little umbrellas or massive hunks of fruit tipping off of them: a no-no. I buy this. Sugary drinks like Mai Tais are just not very masculine. You're not having dessert for goodness sakes, you're getting hammered with friends! Beer is bitter and wine is sour and scotch packs a punch for a reason. You're supposed to suffer just a small amount for the sinful indulgence of drinking them.
If it's all sugary and yum-yum, you'll drink all the time. And you'll not only become a drunkard, you'll be a fat drunkard from all that sugar. Or so goes my own concocted explanation for why I don't order sugary drinks. Alas, you may find a Pina Colada nice and fulfilling. So go ahead and order one. And have a nice little plate of quiche while you're at it.
Filed under: Food and Drink
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 18)
sheila Aug 8th 2007 8:03AM
That is the most ridiculous article. What about writing about Katrina survivors that are still homeless, the War, our crappy President? Jeez, no wonder this country is falling apart!
Drinks that men should not drink???? Are you serious???
Ben Aug 8th 2007 8:12AM
When I see a dude wearing pink, I automatically think "douche-bag". And I'm right 100% of the time.
Al Aug 8th 2007 8:14AM
Normally Yes, Men work better with Beer or Some kind of Liquor on the Rocks OR with Water/Splash.
BUT, Nothing like a Mia Tai, in a Pinnaple, on the beach in Cancun ! Or the swim up bar !
Differnt buzz than u are normally used to, but then again, your at the beach damnit !
ImJami Aug 8th 2007 9:42AM
Jimmy Buffett sings a song about boat drinks, They are Deadly sweet frozen drinks with lots of booze. I live on my boat & boat drinks are always in order. Girl's and guy's alike love thim. I bet I have more bikini clad babes on my boat with frozen drinks than you do with scotch or cigars. Let's not forget PJ (Purple Jesus) Grape juice, grain & fruit now that will do damage. Were not taking pink ladies or grass hoppers here, were talking serious alcohol and lot's of it. As far as pink is concerned I wear it I'm 6'4" 240 my girl likes it. So WTF's your issue with what I wear or drink? Homo or Homo Phobe I'm not.....
mary Aug 8th 2007 8:33AM
I Love the look on waitstaffs faces when my 6'6" 350lb tattooed,long-hair biker husband orders a frozen strawberry daquari.
adam Aug 8th 2007 8:34AM
Are you people kidding me. No seriously are you kidding me. Wear pink, eat pink, Smack that poot. Then reach for that pina colada to wash her down. Listen in this world there is strait, homosexual, or bi, all of which is not influenced by what you drink. GET A LIIIIIFE. thank you.
Tom Aug 8th 2007 11:42AM
Duuuuumb article
Lee Aug 8th 2007 8:37AM
This is absurd. I am 6'5 46 years old and I my favorite is a Black Russian. They are sweet and I like it that way. I sometimes like a beer and once in a while I will drink a frozen drink or a mudslide. Now if you can drink a frozen drink at the beach how does that make you less manly than drinking them somewhere else? Drink what you want and stop looking in my bedroom window so what if I like men.
photophemme Aug 8th 2007 8:41AM
I am a woman with 12 years of bartending experience. FIRST: ANY man who orders a sugary drink is immediately carded to make sure some child has not crawled into the bar.
SECOND: Anyone who orders a sugary dink on dry land is questionable to most drinkers. If you are going to drink than drink, don't mess around with silly ice cream or sugary drinks!
THIRD There is a reason some brands are expensive and considered "fine" and no one who appreciates the finer things in life is going to ruin good alcohol with sugary syrup, ice cream or silly combinations.
Drink like a woman or drink like a man, but drink with style!!!
P.S. It is about 10 years ago soooo yesterday to proclaim assurance of your sexuality by ordering silly drinks. Besides good taste and class always rule!
Jesse Aug 8th 2007 8:42AM
I drink all sorts of drinks, depending upon what time of day it is and where I am drinking. Sometimes, like during the day, an Old Fashioned is right. With lunch - non business, a Bacardi Cocktail is my choice. Evening - just drinking, Meyer's Rum and coke. Dinner - fancy with friends, Vodka Martini or Mellon Martini (1/2 vodka, 1/2 gin) deathly dry.
I'm not a beer drinker and I really do not care for wine so I only drink it when I do not want to drink, just to be social. Not big on sweet, fru fru drinks, but I will drink them if appropriate ~ like in Hawaii or on a cruise or at the beach in Cancun. No big deal - and I wear pink polo's, too, right with Ralph.
Jamie Aug 8th 2007 8:46AM
Re: MaiTai's. There's a famous bar in Sarasota,FL -The Bahai Hut (it's even mentioned by the "History of Florida"-loving fictional psychopath Serge Storms in Tim Dorsey's book, Hurricane Punch) - which limits a person's consumption of the aforementioned MaiTai's to two (2). They are sweet & fruity and they are deadly. Love Em. If you're in the Sunshine State it's worth the drive to try one -- Hey have fun and drink the two allowed. :)
csmith Aug 8th 2007 8:46AM
My 6'3,270lb , tatooed, shaved head hubby drinks whatever he damn well pleases and I'm pretty certian that you wouldn't have the balls to question him about it. I'll just bet some manly man out there knows atleast 10 ways to kill you with that little umbrella!!!
willie Aug 8th 2007 8:47AM
If anyone out there needs a reason to NOT drink
something, then DON'T drink water. Reason.....
fish **** in it !!! That is, of course, unless
you're a REAL man then, go ahead, knock yourself
out.
Willie Butler, Jr Aug 8th 2007 8:57AM
A man suppose to drink straight on the rocks . If he cannot drink on the straight on the rocks. He have no business drinking at all.
Joseph Aug 8th 2007 8:53AM
#1 You really can't call your self a man if you drink what you think makes you like a man..get some b-lls i drink want and one nite i may want a jack black on the rocks ,next maybe a mai tai you have idenity problems don't you..Grow up
Patrick O'Page Aug 8th 2007 6:22PM
The alcoholic beverage industry spends tens of millions of dollars each year to promote their brand
of booze. When I order a beer, I just say, "Bring
me a beer. Any kind. Whatever you've got the most of. Beer is beer." This drives salesmen and
advertising men crazy.
The absolute worst mixed drink is the martini.
I'd rather drink my Old Spice aftershave lotion.
BD Aug 8th 2007 8:56AM
Please...get me a scotch...RIGHT NOW!
Laura Aug 8th 2007 8:59AM
I'm drinking rum from the bottle right now! I wish I had a fruity drink though. LMFAO!!!
Yeah, life is too short to worry about who drinks what, etc. Mojito away men!
roy Aug 8th 2007 9:12AM
I don't drink and never have, this isan't the only life you will live you know at least you should know because the bible say's the soul never dies and will spend the next life in one of the only tow we have a choise to go to. i have made plans to spend my next life in a place called heaven, and according to the Bible we wont need a drink for any reason. and if you go to the other place you will need all the drinks and sex you can get ,but there will be nothing to drink or girls to have sex with, so go on and have all the drinks you want and have all the sex you can because this is ( your heaven right here) you will be burning in hell and and this will be forever and firver think about it but you have time right now to make plans to go to the other place called heaven. if you want to know more e mail me please i would like to talk to you.avengern1@aol.com roy.
Jesse Aug 8th 2007 9:17AM
Hey, Patty O'Page! It's just the FIRST martini that's a bit difficult to take. After the first one, when your lips and teeth begin to numb, it's easy to slip them down - and deadly, too! Have them durty and with a twist and olives to muddle it all up and it's not so bad. After two, you will actually like them - much better than just scotch on the rocks or with branch! Try it.