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10 Drinks Men Should Not Order
I'm always a little dubious when someone deigns to tell me what is and what is NOT allowed when it comes to male behavior. I occasionally read magazines like Details and when I come to the "Clothes a man should never wear" articles, I always find a few things from my own closet right there on the page. Keeping up with what's in style costs too damn much money. Besides, yesterday's faux pas is today's hip new thing. But I do have to agree somewhat with a few of the drinks listed in this fun slide show admonishing males over what should NOT be ordered and consumed among alcoholic beverages.
To wit: anything blended, unless you're on the beach. In other words, fruity drinks with little umbrellas or massive hunks of fruit tipping off of them: a no-no. I buy this. Sugary drinks like Mai Tais are just not very masculine. You're not having dessert for goodness sakes, you're getting hammered with friends! Beer is bitter and wine is sour and scotch packs a punch for a reason. You're supposed to suffer just a small amount for the sinful indulgence of drinking them.
If it's all sugary and yum-yum, you'll drink all the time. And you'll not only become a drunkard, you'll be a fat drunkard from all that sugar. Or so goes my own concocted explanation for why I don't order sugary drinks. Alas, you may find a Pina Colada nice and fulfilling. So go ahead and order one. And have a nice little plate of quiche while you're at it.
Filed under: Food and Drink
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 18)
alcoholstupor Dec 16th 2009 8:46PM
Alcohol is not a very good drug. It's harsh, even on tough guys. Smoke pot... problem solved.
C. C. S. Aug 4th 2007 8:51PM
First of all, if one is so terribly insecure with their own "masculinity" that the "gender appropriateness" of a DRINK will either make or break them, they are clearly lacking the mental maturity to be consuming alcohol in the first place. For those concerned with the horrors of weight gain due to the sugar content of "fruity" drinks, I'll simply say WAKE UP! Though sugar ain't gonna help your waist line, it's the consumption of any alcoholic beverage, be it a "manly" beer, or a "girly" drink dressed in pretty pink parasols, that cause weight gain...Hence the term "BEER BELLY"... I've never heard of it referred to ass a "Pina Collada" belly. In conclusion, I would like to say to all you "men" out there with an ounce of common sense or a lick of maturity... Go out and order any damn drink you WANT! Even better, dress up like Elton John, crank up the old "YMCA," and sip your fruity drinks 'til dawn. Defy gender restrictions and you just might find that life can be fun.
johnjmaes Aug 8th 2007 6:35AM
And by all means do not wear pink....
john james Aug 8th 2007 6:35AM
and never wear pink...
ronn Aug 8th 2007 6:52AM
First of all, who cares what you drink. I dring the fruity drinks all the time. Well at least I can say I do at the poolside bar. AND...I love wearing pink. Wanna know why? Cuz I can. Iam a 35 yr old police officer, very confident in my masculine sexuality and feel these things in life are irrelevant. Guys....you go ahead and drink those drinks AND dont forget to wear the pink. I have several articles and love the color on my tanned bod.
beer drinker Aug 8th 2007 6:53AM
If you are a homophobe or worried about them ,then this list is for you . Probably the list maker is one or the other.
ronn Aug 8th 2007 6:54AM
Thats rediculous....wear pink, guys
webguy Aug 8th 2007 7:00AM
With "REAL" heterosexual men acting more femmine than screaming homosexuals these days, I do not believe that any drink should be off limits. The metrosexuals act and groom more than any gay man I have ever met, and chances are they have boyfriends too, in my experience.
E W Aug 8th 2007 1:05PM
Well, some of us dont drink. I havent had alcohol in 20 years and I havent regreetted it for one second.
loretta Aug 8th 2007 7:07AM
i would agree in principle that there is a gender assignment to drinks, but it is more to FROZEN drinks than blended drinks. after all, as my dad told me when he took me to Hawaii, one must appease the volcano gods by toasting them with a mai tai. that sounds pretty macho to me. and on the little sea cruise we took they were pouring them out of pitchers to XXs and XYs alike. and God forbid if you ever called my husband a girlie-man for drinking one. but spiked slushies are definitely effeminate.
Jay Buzz Aug 8th 2007 7:12AM
The hell with whoever thinks that, I love women not an inch of femininity in me and I drink Colodas, Ice teas & Coronas with a shot of Chambord to sweetin it up AKA a "Corona Red Eye". LOL now thats manly what!!
francis507 Aug 8th 2007 7:28AM
What is a masculine drink?! Are woman allowed to drink a masculine drink? The drink does not need to be "masculine" as long as the man is. Real men do wear pink.
Jay Buzz Aug 8th 2007 7:17AM
What part of Earth are you from? Are you crazy Slush drinks FAT TUESDAYS's MIAMI ALL day everyone drinks those. E.W you need to post on AA sites buddy, this is for those who do get twisted.
Stan Aug 8th 2007 7:23AM
I'll stick to my Scotch...and I love women who do the same.
cgm1009 Aug 8th 2007 7:28AM
Hey, I'm 6'5" and 200+ pounds, so I get to drink whatever I want. Even that frou-frou stuff with umbrellas and pineapple wedges in it. So there!
:)
Laura Aug 8th 2007 7:35AM
Are you serious....Stereotyping a guy by what he drinks! There is more to a man then what drink he prefers...Grow Up, we are not in high school anymore!Oh by the way...as a Bartender...I see more guys get girls, without even trying, because they are drinking "Girly Drinks" instead of "Man Drinks". Woman tend to like men when they are "Man" enough to show us their softer side.
Sincerely,
Your Local Bartender
hypnoman Aug 8th 2007 7:41AM
Eric, Looks like you don't get out much. I am an entertainer and practically live in the clubs. First of all we call them Foo-Foo drinks. What you drink doesn't have anything to do with masculinity. Some of the best shooters are Foo-Foo shooters. Next time, spend a little time researching your articles (ie; go to the clubs) instead of spouting your opinion. And try an Oatmeal Cookie sometime. Cheers!
mish Aug 8th 2007 7:49AM
Men, "me thinks you doth protest too much". I once went on a blind date with a guy who ordered white zin and made me split the check. The check?..ok. Needless to say there was no second date. No frou frou drinks! Pink shirts can be sexy if you can pull it off. Oh, and to you manly Cosmo drinkers.... HAVE a MARTINI! :)
Laura Aug 8th 2007 7:47AM
Another quick comment....Pink and Purple are sexy on men!!!
ed Aug 8th 2007 7:54AM
What difference does it make what you drink? drink what ever you like, plain and simple. If you think what you drink defines you as a person, you have MAJOR issues and a HUGE INFERIORITY COMPLEX. I drink what I feel like having at the time, from a beer, scotch and water, LI iced Tea to wine, mai tai or even the occasional cosmopolitian. ANd men sure as hell can wear pink, a pink shirt with a blue blazer and tan kahakis looks great and most women LOVE men in pink, real men can and do wear it. I have met many a women wearing pink and THEY came on to me. I am not worried about my masculinuity, I am very secure with mine- so go ahead, let some stupid homophobe journalist spout their maligned opinion on what to drink, most of them are just a waste and only share their opinion and not facts-no reason to listen to them!