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Hilarious Hand-Written Airline Complaint
| Dear Continental Airlines, I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in the seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door. All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation flued that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the woosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzle? I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment -- while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some sort of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last! Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks! Worse yet, is I've paid over $400 for the honor of sitting in this seat! I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the LAV. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch, and taste, from my seat. Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I cam from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom. I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor...what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me. I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours. We are finally decending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink shelf, but the scars will remain. I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just move it, and leave the smoldreing brown hole empty, and [something] a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo." (thanks, Corporat) |
Filed under: Airlines
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Neil Jun 28th 2007 6:14PM
Hilarious. I love the graphics!
jaxsun Jun 28th 2007 6:49PM
the end bit says,... and add a place for sturdy non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not hman cargo.
Kathleen Jun 28th 2007 9:10PM
I think the last part should read "...a sad place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo." Having once sat near a lavatory (but not that particular seat), I feel for the author. I wish that designers/engineers/powers-that-be would put more thought into the users of whatever they're designing and less on the bottom line.
Wolfster Jun 28th 2007 9:44PM
The garbled bit reads "a good place for sturdy/ non-absorbing luggage..." The 'g' was left off when it was copied - probably too close to the edge of the paper.
JP Jun 28th 2007 9:47PM
Been there, done that! Who ever it was forgot to mention the slobs who use the Lav and just leave the door open afterwards, like it should close itself. Some big-butt (I'm being proper here) woman on one of my wretched flights did this not once, but several times...until I called her on it...much to the enjoyment of the flight attendants in the rear galley. I think my ticket was over $500 for that "friendly skies" experience...
Lia Caine Jun 29th 2007 11:27AM
I wonder if this person ever received a responce.. hmmm.
ritergal Jun 29th 2007 12:06PM
Thanks for sharing this. Whatever else this horrific experience did, it certainly led the passenger in seat 29E into a concurrent trip through the Land of Wild Mind. What fantastic writing, and graphics too!
I shall link back to this from The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing! http://heartandcraft.blogspot.com
Bob Rioux Jun 29th 2007 6:30PM
There are some thing s that can be done to correct much of this problem. Here are some suggestions that should be forced on airline managements because they don't usually want to do anyrhing to ease the pain if it costs them.
1.) Install a air evacuation vent to keep a positive small amount of air to be drawn from the inside of the lav and vent overboard.
2.) Manadate the lavatory fluid be serviced more frequently, for example after any flight more than one or two hours long.
3.) Install a self closing spring hinge mechanism so the door automatically closes.
4.) Remove the seat directly oposit the lav door, or if you can't get management to do that, require that seat be listed and sold at a 50% discount. This will more than likely create a request for that seat by many customers. If a customer with a normal fare ticket gets forced to sit there, it should be an automatic 50% refund.
These are just common sense suggestions that will be ignored by airline management because it might require them spending a few dollars to fix the problem. That's why the FAA, or maybe board of health should require something be done.
Brett Jul 2nd 2007 11:58AM
stink shelf should read stink shield according to the original.
AMY Aug 8th 2007 3:47PM
BE warned! To the unsuspecting person reading this at work in a quite environment! YOU WILL CRY WITH LAUGHTER! What a great writer!
jt Sep 7th 2007 2:19PM
How hilarious. I, unfortunately, was once an occupant of seat 29E. Only, in my experience, I was 5 months pregnant and the flight was an 18 hour flight from Okinawa Japan to Chicago Ohare. Talk about torture. I cried for most of the trip home, somewhat because of the discomfort of being 5 months preg on that long of a flight, but mostly from the horrible stench from the restroom in my overly sensitive sinuses. Oh, and the fact that by the time the meal cart got to my seat the chicken I had requested was gone and all they had left to feed the poor pregnant woman in the last seat of the plane next to the bathroom was sushi. More tears.
Great post.
PickledEel Sep 10th 2007 12:27PM
On one occasion I insisted on having that seat - or one like it on a Thai Airways flight out of Dhakar to Bangkok - I had a horrible bout of giardia and was going to kill someone if I could not get that seat. No one argued! funny about that.
Karen Neves Sep 22nd 2007 11:37PM
Loved the letter, and wouldn't it be great if websites like Expedia.com and others would show the lav's on their seating charts when you are booking a flight? This would be greater customer service and maybe we'd use their sites more.