How To Use A Squat Toilet
Today, of course, I'm a wizard of wandering; a master of motility; a gettin'-around guru. But it wasn't always so. When I first arrived in Zambia for my stint in the Peace Corps, I was immediately carted off to a village called Kapepa. There, I lived with a homestay family for a week. I had my own mud house, my own thatch bathing shelter, and my own pit latrine. I'll be honest (and delicate): while I had no problems using the latrine to urinate, I had a real issue with going Number Two. My issue was so big, in fact, that I didn't go Number Two for an entire week.
An entire week is a long time NOT to go Number Two.
One afternoon shortly after finishing homestay, we trainees were visiting the city of Kitwe. Sitting in a mini-bus, I'll never forget the look on my friend's face, when a week's worth of starch finally came rolling downhill, screaming to be let out. "You don't look so good," my friend said to me. As her face floated in soft arcs in front of my pudgy, ashen face, I turned to the driver and screeched, "Where's the nearest toilet?!" He pointed. I bolted. There, in that filthy hovel of a slimy little pooper, with the flies buzzing, and literally three squares of tissue remaining, I learned how to do the deed, squatting. Sweet relief never felt so good.
O, how I wish I had read Frank Bures' excellent primer about using a squat pad before I had headed for Africa. It would've made a week's worth of nail biting vanish in a moment. I could've printed out the treatise, studied it -- and then used it for more ignoble purposes. Frank, buddy, where were you when I needed you?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Jun 19th 2007 @ 11:08AM
Crabby McSlacker said...
So I didn't get what the big deal was about "squatting" until I read the read Frank Bures' primer--it's dealing with the Not Using Toilet Paper to wipe up.
Holy Crap! (So to speak).
It's a bit of an adjustment for a westerner to read that wiping up with one's bare hand and washing afterwards, possibly without soap, is the expected practice when defecating in much of the world. The article says it's perfectly hygienic, but, wow.
That would take some getting used to.
(Crabby, as usual, is here annoying people in order to promote her weird little health blog. The topic today is also kind of gross--the side effects of the new diet drug Alli. Best avoid http://crankyfitness.blogspot.com/)
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Jun 19th 2007 @ 12:11PM
Neil said...
By the way, that first photo with the red line through it is the best way to use a nasty toilet that you don't want to touch. I walked in on some kid doing it on the Trans-Siberian and now use that style anywhere a toilet hasn't been cleaned in weeks.
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Jun 19th 2007 @ 3:19PM
Jamie Rhein said...
Ahh, yes, those were the days. I had toilet nightmares. One involved a room full of toilets and I couldn't decide which one to use. As for the toilet paper, when traveling to some spots in the world, don't leave home without it. Admittedly, this is a western thing.
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Jun 19th 2007 @ 6:33PM
marilyn terrell said...
Anytime someone says squat toilet I think of Brian Sacks, who wrote this hilarious and revolting account of using them in China:
http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000348.html
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Jun 20th 2007 @ 1:25PM
coach said...
funny thing is: squat toilets can and should be much more hygenic than regular toilets, for the obvious reasons that there's nothing to sit on, and they can be cleaned much more easily.
why aren't they more common??
one of my favorite parisian cafes still has them.
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Aug 28th 2007 @ 3:34PM
Ember Swift said...
Reminds me of China, for sure. I learned fast to just squat and go and to abandon my squeamishness. In the end, I read that it's much healthier for your bowels to be in this position (rather than sitting) when going #2. When I got back to North America, I actually missed these toilets. I think the position just provides the body with a more complete "release" or something. [Wow, this is awkward to write about! I'll stop now. . .]
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Aug 28th 2007 @ 8:11PM
maryann gerety said...
Squating...hovering over the toliet happens
every minute of the day in every city in the
Western World. Women do not want to sit on the
toliet seat or lift it...so they hover and pee
all over the seat. I find this rude surprise
in the most cultured places.....Metropolitian
Opera House, NYC. Philly's showplace the Kimmel
Center. The ladies room in high society is no
different than the women's room on the Interstate
Service Areas.
With long lines to use the toliets, a woman does
not have the luxury of choosing the cleaner toliet.
Trapped, so to speak, I clean up the mess leave
behind by my fellow females...and use the toliet
of course with plenty of toliet tissue.
Sorry to be so indelicate...I hate it when women
stoop to the level of male grossness.
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Aug 29th 2007 @ 5:18PM
Johnny said...
This kind of toilet was common in Europe until about 20 years ago. According to doctors, squatting straightens out the colon, allowing you to get rid of ALL the mess. Sitting means you always get to keep a few inches festering around the bend...
However, Europe bowed to American tourists and now we all have a civilized bit of crap noodling about.
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Aug 30th 2007 @ 2:32AM
Fred Parkhurst said...
Sounds like the toilets they had off post on Oaknawa when I was there in 70-71. They did take some getting use to. Especally if you had to much to drink. But when you had to have the BIG BM you could not read the news paper.The first time I saw one I ask what the hell is that? I still don't know what you are supposed to do if you need to throw up. What do you hold on to. I don't want one in my home and if I need to squat I will go out in the woods.
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Sep 1st 2007 @ 7:28PM
BRUCE said...
As a teen ager I worked in the marking and recieving area of a department store in La Jolla, California.
Two or three times a day, I would be sent to check on the cleanliness of the men's and women's rest rooms.
The women's room was always messier, without unpleasant details, than the mens!
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Mar 22nd 2008 @ 8:23PM
holly cow said...
AS many people may not be aware of,the original flush toilet was name after its inventor,John Crapper.Therefor we have the sayings,"i am going to the john","wheres the crapper",I have to take a crap',ETC. I am sure he would be quite upset with saying "I am going to takr a squat" or wheres the squatter.' These are just my personal feelings.How about you?
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Mar 23rd 2008 @ 12:45AM
Busy said...
actuially it was Thomas P Crapper...I had a newspaper article about it in high school which my history teacher stole from me!
Mar 22nd 2008 @ 8:41PM
rick said...
In these Nations that don't have civilized and normal types of Toilet facilities such as is so here in the United States, why don't they just hand out diapers at the Airports and instruct people to crap their pants!!!
It's utterly disgusting to even entertain the concept of not having totally sanitary and modern facilities everywhere in the World!!! Anything less is NOT acceptable!!!!
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Mar 22nd 2008 @ 9:29PM
mike n said...
I used a squat toilet and the mess sprayed all over my shoes.
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Mar 22nd 2008 @ 10:57PM
Phyl said...
I did the same thing, Mike. My shoes were a mess, but you didn't dare remove your shoes. I can't remember which European City had the squat toilet. It may have been Paris.
Mar 22nd 2008 @ 10:38PM
Sarah said...
So what do people with arthritis do? Personally, squatting for any length of time is difficult for me. If the pain gets too bad, I'm likely to topple over when I try to stand up! I guess I will be looking into "bathroom standards" before taking my next overseas trip.
Also, I have two words for anybody traveling to a country that uses squat toilets.... HAND SANITIZER.
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Mar 22nd 2008 @ 11:31PM
melanie said...
OMG, i have rheumatoid arthritis, if i did get down, how would i ever get back up? don't people in these countries have handicapped people? ml
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Mar 23rd 2008 @ 5:00AM
NMjack2000 said...
Now on my visit to Kamchatka Russia we do not need to worry about squating however in some of their
finest cafe's mens roomsthere are no paper towels however there is always a filthy community fabric hand towel or perhaps a peice of re-cycled clothing.
And should you be so lucky to find a public restroom
be sure and take three big breaths holding in the
last one so you can make it last long enough to
if you are lucky get your bladder about 1/2 half
empty. Then exit asap and get your breath again
for the 2nd trip to empty out the other 1/2 half
of your bladder. It helps if you pre position your
penis prior to entering and actually sometimes you
can empty your bladder in only on trip inside the
ammonia scented facility. Should you need to do
a number two I suggest finding yourself the most
available secluded area to releive yourself.
NMCowboy
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