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To Upgrade or to Break-up
I recently witnessed such an interesting airport dilemma that I could add a travel-related chapter to the bestselling self-help book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus."
Two of my friends-a couple-were flying from a vacation in the U.S. back to Europe together. He was a frequent flyer gold card holder and got upgraded to business class for free. They don't always upgrade, especially on trans-Atlantic flights, so he jumped at the opportunity. She is not a frequent flyer and did not get upgraded. She was mad at him for taking the upgrade and leaving her behind in economy class. He felt slightly guilty, but not guilty enough to sit in coach and completely give up the seat, or to shell out an additional $650 to get her upgraded as well. He offered that she sit in business class instead of him, but she refused.
Her argument was that he didn't even consult with her and just announced it to her. She never said it bothered her, and just stopped talking to him.
He viewed her reaction as ungrateful. After all, he paid for the whole vacation, including her ticket. Now she wanted a paid upgrade too? Didn't she want him to be comfortable and use those quickly-disappearing frequent-traveler perks? Plus, when he offered he would switch seats with her, she was not interested.
Any Dr. Phils out there who have an answer to this? Should you give up an upgrade for your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse so you can suffer with them in economy class?
Filed under: Arts and Culture, Learning, Airlines
Reader Comments (Page 6 of 6)
Mario Sep 10th 2006 8:06PM
Ok, wait a minute. First of all, an upgrade is hard to get especially on a transatlantic flight. He paid for the whole vacation, has earned his frequent flier miles AND offered the upgrade her. its just a few hours of comfort that he damn well deserves and should take advantage of. My partner and I both got an upgrade from london to LA with his lfight status so I guess the airlines should just give you one for a guest and i think they do on a space available case. Anhohw, people get too caught up in this crap. There was only on upgrade and as a good cohesive couple they should be happy for whomever uses it. It's just a flight and its a freebie. Quit being so sensitive people.
debbie Sep 10th 2006 8:11PM
flying's a drag, and anyone who does it alot knows that. my husband and I, married 21 years, have flown a lot, mostly together, but sometimes a single upgrade came along and we took it, tried to switch halfway through if it was possible, gave the upgrade to the person who needed to be at work the next morning (him) if it wasn't. Partnerships are just that -- sometimes a good thing happens to only one of you, and if you're able to work together, you can even things out the next time.
Megan Sep 10th 2006 8:14PM
I wouldn't take the upgrade without my guy and wouldn't expect him to take it without me. I think she should rethink their relationship. I mean that's like saying, "sorry you're not good enough to get upgraded, so you're not good enough for me to fly with" I'd be pissed and I would have let him know it, not been silent.
Cathy Sep 10th 2006 8:16PM
What a lucky lady! She found out what a self-centered jerk he was before she married him.
Ann Sep 11th 2006 12:43AM
I feel like I am reading most about power issues. Some people mentioning he paid for the trip so he should be allowed to do whatever he feels and "letting" her know he was upgraded is the only consideration she is allowed.
Personally, I have been on trips where my portion was paid by my travel partner, and he didn't once try to make me feel like he had bought my silence and servitude as well as the trip. I have paid for others to go on trips with me and I didn't act like I was Lord and Master of any benefits that may have popped up. I feel that vacations are trips that are meant to be enjoyed by all, not just the one who paid. If I go on a trip with others I think of their enjoyment as well as mine.
The trip in the article was not any different than any situation we face day to day.
When opportunities come up do we grab them for ourselves or try to share them with those we care about? The answer is in the choices made and actions taken.
Joanne Sep 10th 2006 8:21PM
My husband would get shot if he upgraded without me! I'm lucky that he's not so self-absorbed. He plans well in advance and buys the upgrade with extra miles so we can sit next to eachother throughout our trips. This is why we've been married for over 7 years in a world where people divorce at the drop of a hat, or upgraded airline ticket!
Crystal Sep 10th 2006 8:30PM
Ok I will be the 1st to say that my boyfriend of 10 years has been selfish many times in our relationship and has done many things without confirming with me about the way I feel. I agree with #10 and all the others that say what he did was WRONG!! I asked my boyfriend what he would do in the same situation before explaining to him what I had read and suprisingly he said he would NOT take the upgrade that if we planned to go together to begin with thats how is should stay. And just another tip my boyfriend is very BIG on getting things for FREE and still states that he would rather sit with me then by someone he doesn't even know. So not sorry to say guy is WRONG no matter how you look at it.
Pamela Oct 22nd 2006 10:36PM
I can't imagine my husband and I being on the same plane, and not wanted to sit to each other - whether it's in the front or the back of the plane. And I would guess the woman was mad, NOT because she didn't get to sit in Biz class, but because her boyfriend (such as he is one), left her to sit on a 9+ hour flight by herself. His actions told her that the biz class seat was more important to him than her company. What a louse.
David Oct 27th 2006 2:09PM
If I am not mistaken, the entire plane arrives at its destination at essentially the same time. A relationship that cannot survive a brief separation sounds like its going to be a brief relationship to me.
Pimarouge Oct 29th 2006 5:30PM
As a flight attendant on a major carrier I can't tell you how often this happens, in fact, it happened LAST NIGHT. I base a man's behavior on my own father's behavior toward my mother and can tell you that he would NEVER even discuss it, he would take the back seat and give it up to my mom, case closed. However, when on vacation, he doesn't quibble about money and might even pay for an upgrade, it depends on his mood and how achey he feels.
The worst case, however, was a man who had his teen age son up front with him and his wife back in economy. I would have been calling my lawyer from the aircraft phone!!!
It happens frequently and is proof that chivalry is, in fact, dead.