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To Upgrade or to Break-up

by Iva Skoch (RSS feed) on Sep 1st 2006 at 5:00AM

I recently witnessed such an interesting airport dilemma that I could add a travel-related chapter to the bestselling self-help book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus."

Two of my friends-a couple-were flying from a vacation in the U.S. back to Europe together. He was a frequent flyer gold card holder and got upgraded to business class for free. They don't always upgrade, especially on trans-Atlantic flights, so he jumped at the opportunity. She is not a frequent flyer and did not get upgraded. She was mad at him for taking the upgrade and leaving her behind in economy class. He felt slightly guilty, but not guilty enough to sit in coach and completely give up the seat, or to shell out an additional $650 to get her upgraded as well. He offered that she sit in business class instead of him, but she refused.

Her argument was that he didn't even consult with her and just announced it to her. She never said it bothered her, and just stopped talking to him.

He viewed her reaction as ungrateful. After all, he paid for the whole vacation, including her ticket. Now she wanted a paid upgrade too? Didn't she want him to be comfortable and use those quickly-disappearing frequent-traveler perks? Plus, when he offered he would switch seats with her, she was not interested.

Any Dr. Phils out there who have an answer to this? Should you give up an upgrade for your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse so you can suffer with them in economy class?

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 6)

Evan JOnes Sep 1st 2006 1:07PM

I am no Dr. Phil (i hate that guy) but I would say that they are both in the wrong and that thier communication skills are crap ... and thier relashionship is doomed unless they fix it.

Why?
1. he did not consult her first. He should have. They could have figured out some sort of compromise that benifits them both.
2. she did the "i am mad and not speaking too you routine" ... if she voiced her complaints and let him know how he felt he probably wouldent be mad at her

Essentially ... they dont *really* talk to each other and that is why there relashionship will fail.

Now what is the proper solution? ... you get offered the seat, you talk to your significant other and se what they think. Once you talk abit ... figure out a mutally benificial compromise. My money is on going halfzies on the seat upgrade so they both can go home in luxury.

Willy Sep 1st 2006 9:26AM

Okay, so he probably should've shared the news with her as opposed to announced it to her. However, on the face of it, it appears that she's selfish and needs to get over it. Sure, it sucks that they don't get to sit together, but better that someone gets to ride in (relative) comfort than no one.

Mary Jo Sep 1st 2006 12:05PM

There is no such thing as "halfzies" on a F/C seat.

For obvious security reasons, as well as being respectful to others in F/C, most airlines prohibit a "revolving door." If you are in the seat, you are there, and you can't trade off with someone in the back. It continues to amaze me that people think this is okay -- as opposed to what it is: a cheap way for two people to get F/C for the price of one.

Flight Attendants need to keep track of where people are, especially the closer they are sitting to the flight deck. If you want F/C you need to pony up and use an upgrade or pay for it. Don't try to scam off of someone else's frequent flyer status.

Tim Sep 1st 2006 4:23PM

He should have seen the problem before he agreed, she should recognize it was not a personal slight.

Flying can be stressful, and as a frerquent flier he was used to getting upgrades. When someone asks you if you are a God- you say YES. If someone asks you if you want an upgrade- you don't say- "hold on a minute I need to talk with my girlfriend." I can see how he would agree to the upgrade without thiking....but that was the problem. He should have stoped for a second and considered her feelings. Novice mistake that every guy makes. If he is smart- it won't happen again, and he will be 'considerate' in the future.

She should recognize that he is just excited about the upgrade, and in a perfect world she should be excited for him. If he doesn't feel bad about sitting apart, why should she? It doesn't mean he doesn't love her- it just means he would rather spend time in relative comfort then uncomfortable and grumpy. It is also important to point out that since he is taller (probably) the larger leg room makes a BIG difference. I'm always jealous that my wife can curl up in the seat, and I don't even fit.

If she thought about it she would be happy that he is happy, and that should be all that matters. Being bitchy about someones elses fortune is unattractive. She sould have teased him that she will miss him, and when he offered her the seat she should turn it down with a smile, pat his arm and say:

"Honey, Your so big- you'll feel better up there- anyway I thought I saw some cute guys already get in with seats in the back of the plane..."

Alex Sep 1st 2006 4:53PM

Two things:

He definitely should have consulted with her before making his decision.

Her response in any case should have been "that's wonderful! Let me pay for upgrade to my ticket so I could sit with you!"

After all, he paid for the entire trip!

Iva Sep 2nd 2006 1:52AM

All good ideas. At first, I thought that maybe I should give up my seat so that they could sit together in business(I got upgraded on that same flight; it was a good day for frequent flyers!) for the sake of not ruining their vacation...but couldn't part with that comfy seat myself.

Brian Sep 2nd 2006 9:35PM

My wife and I have been married 18 yrs. If I was on a plane and had to be separated from her for any reason on the plane, I would be just miserable. If I was given the chance for an upgrade and my wife couldnt go too, w/o paying of course we would sit in the back of the plane or wherever as long as we were together.
This is the problem with selfish bullish partners.
I will be content any where on a plane or wherever as long as I have my bride!

Shaun Sep 5th 2006 9:31AM

hello, finally someone aware of what it means to be in a relationship/marriage. I mean isn't the point of traveling together, being together? Otherwise, I can go on my own (upraded) vacation and you can go on yours. What happened to leave together, return together. When are people going to realize that a partnerships is just that.

diane Sep 6th 2006 4:48AM

Come on this guy has no class much less behave like a gentleman that option should have never been considered unless he insisted on ppaying for the upgrade for her seat and most important sit together end of story.

Lynn Sep 10th 2006 2:23PM

I've never commented on one of these things, but this one got me. We have become such a selfish "me" society that it is no wonder divorce is rampant...anyone who even had to think about this no-brainer doesn't understand how to be in a relationship. He shouldn't have even had to think about declining the offer without her and she should never had had to worry about it...what if it had been the last seat on the bus? Would she have had to catch the next one?

SORSO Sep 10th 2006 3:21PM

He should have asked himself this question "If this were my wife what would I do?", if his decision was the same then she should have broken up with him. He is selfish.

David Lee Sep 10th 2006 5:00PM

The problem is not the upgrade. The problem is that the woman feels neglected and ignored. The man tries to deal with the "reality" of the situation and offers a compromise. This makes the woman feel even worse, as the man has just shown that he has no understanding of what is going on with her. So she goes into her own form of unreasonable behavior.

Both people need training in how to talk with each other.

Mandy Sep 10th 2006 3:31PM

I can't even believe there is a debate going on here. What kind of man takes an upgrade and leaves his gf in coach??? I would have dumped him, too. He may have money and a decent job, but what he doesn't have is an ounce of class.

Bill Sep 10th 2006 3:37PM

His behavior is symtomatic of his total person . He abandoned her , thats what he did , and he sold at for a cheap price........a seat . This fellow is just another " it's all about me " kind of person .
I hope the Lady , if she's married to the chump, gets a big alimony settlement and if not married to him , send the chump packing .

annie Sep 10th 2006 3:40PM

This happened to me, just before an overseas flight from Europe, found myself in coach with our four kids all between 3 - 9 years old, while my husband upgraded himself to business class. I asked the man in front of me if he would mind swapping seats with my husband, asked the stewardess to take the man to my husbands seat. When my husband saw the new seating arrangements, he knew enough not to say anything about them!

pamela leader Sep 10th 2006 6:10PM

as a flt. attendant for an int'l carrier, who has flown international flts for over 20 yrs, i see this often. i think the men are jerks; they should give their wives the upgrade and sit in the back w/ their 2-5 children(instead of leaving their wives in economy) she should have a vacation from the children whom she cares for 24/7