Bushland to Open

Fans of our America's 43rd president will finally have something to rejoice about later this month when the new Bushland presidential theme park opens. Built atop the breeding grounds of the endangered Texas blind salamander, Bushland embraces the life and accomplishments of George W.

This wonderful family getaway has something for all ages; the Michael Moore Harpoon Toss, the Cheney Shooting Range, the Deficit Roller Coaster (which only goes up), and the Karl Rove Spinner (the opening of the Karl Rove Steamboat Cruise has been postponed until problematic leaks are fixed).

Those interested in a slightly different type of entertainment can disappear into the Yale Pub where employees dressed as male cheerleaders serve you beer until you pass out. When you awake a few hours later in the bathroom, you'll discover that each urinal in the park is emblazoned with the name of a different national park upon which you can do your business; each toilet lists various civil liberties.

Visitors can also check out the new Presidential Library, which so far has only two books; One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish and Everyone Poops.

And finally, when you're completely knackered from a full day of activities at Bushland, retire to the park's Katrina Tiki Room and wile away the rest of your day doing absolutely nothing.

Bushland will be open during presidential working hours only (11am-2pm Monday-Wednesday, closed for the entire summer). Admission is $20 for those who earn less than $100,000 a year. For those who earn more, Bushland will pay you to come and visit. Sorry, no gays or blacks allowed (Condoleezza Rice excepted).

Filed under: Festivals and Events, April Fools Posts